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Anyone NOT Taking FI Name?

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50 replies to this topic

#21 SonyaR

  • Jr. Member
  • 299 posts

    Posted 25 March 2010 - 08:12 AM

    I am not taking my FI last name as I too believe that this is my identity and who I am. I have a unique Ukranian last name even though I have to spell it every time, Rogozynski. MY FI is not bothered by this.

    #22 echo2_62

    • Sr. Member
    • 1,049 posts

      Posted 25 March 2010 - 10:02 AM

      FI and I have had some interesting conversations about me changing my name. He's very firm that his family name be carried on, but like a few others I'm one of the last carrying my current family name. And like a few others, the person I am is most definitely known in association with my name (my last name is O'Reilly and my nickname is Irish - go figure!!) so it will be really sad for me to lose it. Yes, I'm taking his last name and no hyphenation.

      But we did come up with two compromises. While FI doesn't like the idea, I will likely be converting my last name to a second middle name. Then we both get our way. The second compromise - we name one of our kids Riley. So it's not quite the same as carrying on with the family name but it will at least keep it going in some form. I know others who have done the same thing and it worked to make everyone involved happy.

      And I have to admit the one good thing about changing my last name is that in computer code language (boring I know!) an apostrophe is more commonly used than it used to be, so with "O'Reilly" I am constantly running into errors in various computer systems, emails and tons of stuff online! So in that sense, it will definitely be less headaches once I change!

      #23 hoyt75

      • Jr. Member
      • 371 posts

        Posted 25 March 2010 - 11:11 AM

        Originally Posted by echo2_62
        And I have to admit the one good thing about changing my last name is that in computer code language (boring I know!) an apostrophe is more commonly used than it used to be, so with "O'Reilly" I am constantly running into errors in various computer systems, emails and tons of stuff online! So in that sense, it will definitely be less headaches once I change!
        I know what you mean, my last name is (read carefully) McGann. Everyone forget to capitalize the G and it drives me nuts. And if you want to be really nit picky, the c is actually suppose to be lifted off the the bottom, but still lower cased. I know it's silly but the computer lingo not getting it right drives me nuts!

        #24 Melidell

        • Sr. Member
        • 1,091 posts

          Posted 25 March 2010 - 11:25 AM

          Originally Posted by Angel-in-Law
          I told my FI this even before we got engaged and he said he was fine with it. He has since admitted that he is a bit sad by it. I offered that he could take my last name as a solution. That ended the issue. LOL.
          Yeah, I offered that, too. Funny, but my FI didn't go for it either lol. I think that's a pretty great way to turn things around and make them see your point of view. Oh, I forgot to add that for future children we'll be hyphenating their last names so they'll have both of ours. A bit complicated, I know, but we've also agreed that if our children don't like having a double last name when they're adults they can drop whichever name they like and no hard feelings. I'm not too hung up on having the same last name as my children though- it's not going to make me any less their mother if my name doesn't match.
          Loving married life!

          #25 cathyandchin

          • Jr. Member
          • 294 posts

            Posted 25 March 2010 - 11:51 AM

            I'm on the fence about it. My last name is unique and ethnic (but long and a pain to spell). FI's is short and plain. I don't want to hyphenate it but I also don't want to give mine up either.
            I don't have a middle name so I was thinking about legally changing my name to Cathy My maiden name New last name but FI gives me funny looks.
            My first name isn't hispanic but my last name is and if I take his last name then on paper I don't look hispanic.

            am i making a big deal about this?

            18 adults + 2 kids booked + bride and groom

            #26 Oryx

            • Member
            • 727 posts

              Posted 25 March 2010 - 03:33 PM

              I am still on the fence... I originally thought that I would never change my name. I like my last name, and as many others have mentioned, I feel it is a part of my identity. However, I know it would mean a lot to my FI... In any case, I still have time to think about it. Maybe I will feel differently if we have kids. For now, I joke with him that I don't need any extra hassles at the US border (my FI is Iranian, lol).

              #27 trobin01

              • Jr. Member
              • 203 posts

                Posted 25 March 2010 - 08:44 PM

                I definitely am not taking his last name. I feel that just because we're getting married I am not a different person. I am not even all that crazy about my name, its rather boring, but it doesn't hurt that his last name is pretty bad!

                Luckily FI doesn't care at all. It does bug him when I suggest that if we have children we'll have to give them my last name only. I am just saying that for a reaction- but it is fun to see his face!

                #28 rosieposie

                • Member
                • 649 posts

                  Posted 26 March 2010 - 02:20 AM

                  i'm on the fence. in asian culture it's very important with the whole carrying on the family name and but it's our kids who will be carrying it on..so is it really required that i change mine if our kids will take his?

                  the hyphenated thing won't work for me b/c the Chinese equivalent to my FI's Vietnamese last name, Huynh is actually the same as MY last name, Wong. So to our families it just seems silly....."Wong Wong" ....reminds me of Jacob Two-Two....

                  the important thing is, it's what you and your FI want, together =)

                  #29 wendyjd

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                    Posted 26 March 2010 - 02:49 AM

                    Glad to see this thread pop up. I am NOT changing my name. My FI is fine with it. I was previously married and hyphenated with a LONG last name, which for some reason confused people and was still a huge pain to change (twice!).

                    Its funny even though we aren't married about half of our neighbors call me by his last name already. It doesn't upset me but it seems funny that both names (first and last) are on the homeowners assn info I rarely get called by MY last name and my FI NEVER gets called by my last name.

                    #30 punkie569

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 255 posts

                      Posted 26 March 2010 - 02:19 PM

                      I originally wasn't going to change my last name and I thought that FH was ok with that. Turns out while he understands that his last name isn't the greatest it would mean a lot to him if I did take it. I've been going back and forth on this and I still am unsure of what I want to do. I don't have to worry about changing my name professionally and I don't like hypenating. I did that as a kid with my legal name and my step-dads last name and it was a nightmare. Later on I dropped the legal name so already I'm known by 2 different names(luckily same initials though). Honestly the thought that keeps popping into my head is I'll have to change my signature and there will be so many A's in my name.

                      I guess I don't see it as losing my identity because it's just a name and things have changed. I'm not single anymore I'm married but I'm still me, yanno? Also I don't have the best relationship with my dad so not having his last name wouldn't be an issue for me. Neither of us wants kids so that won't be an issue. All our financial stuff is already joint with different names. It makes sense not to change it but I also know how much it would mean to FH. Such a dilemma. Maybe we should move to Quebec so we have no choice....haha
                      Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love

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