"Good Friend" bails out of wedding to get a dog?

[yumyum90]

Hello All,

 

It's been a while since I posted and reading some of the other reviews is really helping me to feel better, but today I got another blow. One of my suppossed good friends told me she couldn't come to my wedding because she couldn't afford it and so forth. Well, today I find out that she just spent about $700 to get a dog. I didn't think anything of it until she said, I hope your not mad and thinking I had money to spend on a dog and not come to your wedding, but I've been depressed and I think this will help me alot. I can understand that. Then she says she might not be able to come to the bachelorette party (which is out of town) because she doesn't trust her neighbor to keep her new dog. I'm not quite sure how to feel at this point. Do I banish a friend out of my life over this or take this lemon and make lemonade? I'm so confused about how people really feel about me.

[AishaB]

YumYum, I will say take it and make lemonade. I wouldn't take it personal. Sometimes in life people are going through things that we cannot understand. Their actions is not personal towards us but it is something that they need to do at the moment that will be good for them. I say this because right now I am going through the same thing. I have a lot of things going on in my life right now that have been getting me down. Dealing with them in my way is leading me to alienate some very good friends and even my family on some level because I just need to "do me" right now. Maybe that is where your friend is. She said that she was depressed. I don't know if she told you why she was depressed but maybe being all happy and attending happy events is not in the cards for her right now. It sounds like right now she want "to do her", which is just being with her and her dog.

 

I would say don't take it personal. Just go ahead and enjoy your wedding planning, make lemonade out of the lemons that she has served you, and when she is ready, she'll discuss with you what is making her depressed and why she acted the way she did. I hope this helps. Good luck, Aisha

[yumyum90]

Thanks Aisha,

 

I didn't think of it that way. Maybe I shouldn't take it personally and just let it be.

[dolfinluck]

I had the same thing happen, a really good friend got a dog about 6 months ago but doesnt have the money to come to my wedding, the money they have spend on the dog could of paid for both her and her husband, it hurt at first but was not going to cross her off just because of it. just focus on the people that are coming.

[mnh1983]

I don't think you should "banish" your friend for this. Would you banish her if she had a different excuse for not coming? Sure, the money could have been spent on attending your wedding, but maybe she is going through something rough and needs her new doggy companion. I know I have days where I don't want to talk to anyone, but my pets comfort me.

[Amymarie]

I am in similar situation but switch out "new dog" for "giant tattoo" in LA. I am still unsure if she is in or not, but i feel the excuses rolling in. It is frustrating!

[Melidell]

I think I'd be a bit hurt, too, but it sounds like your friend is having a hard time. Maybe she's just doing what she needs to do to keep her head above the water right now. Sometimes when you're having a tough time you need to focus on yourself a bit even if it means you're letting other people down. I wouldn't write her off just because she's not coming to the wedding- life is too short for that.

[Island Bride]

so sorry to hear this! my maid of honor just moved out of country on a whim after meeting a boy from there.. 2 months before my wedding. so i can feel your pain. it sucks, but theres nothing we can do about it and us brides have enough stress going on that we really cant afford to stress about this.

[josietoms]

Dont banish your friend altogether over this - if she is a good friend life is too short - but i feel your stress - we had loads of people saying yes we will be coming and then dropped out when deposits were due saying they didnt have the money and then booking holidays for themselves - i think its the downside to having a DW. If your mate is having problems pets do provide comfort. Just dont let it stress you out too much and remember this is your day and the people that do come are there is celebrate your day with you - just concentrate on them and you for the time being.

[jenne]

I know how you feel - but I agree with the others, don't lose your friend over this. We had a couple of very good friends (one in the wedding party) back out as well because they couldn't afford to come. My FI seemed more hurt by this than I was and it would bother him when they would spend money on doing other things, like going out to the bar or snowboarding since they said that they had no money. But I just feel like, although they are our good friends, we can't expect them to put their life on hold or not be able to do anything that they want to do just because they have to save all of their money for our wedding.