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Mrs.Hockey

A wedding sure makes you realize who is important to you!

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My wedding is all over and done with. I've been back from Cabo for 2 weeks now. But I was just sitting here thinking, and it sure makes me annoyed...

 

All through my middle years and high school years I had a real close group of girlfriends. We stuck through anything and everything! But, as I've gotten to the point I'm at right now, things have sure changed. Of the 7 of us girls, 4 of us are now married. I was the last of the 4, so previously when the other girls were married I was there for them through everything. I attended all their weddings ( with a $100 gift), all their showers (of course with atleast a $50 gift), and all their stagettes (I missed one girls actually). Of all those events, I needed to travel 5-10 hours away. One stagette cost me $700 once the flights, meals etc. for the weekend were taken care of. I did not have money coming out of my ying yang by all means, I just did what I could because I wanted to be there for them.

 

Now fast forward to the last 6 months. Of the 6 girls, only one came to my wedding (she was a bridesmaid) and that is understandable becaue its a lot of money and I realize that. But, she was also the only one to attend my bridal shower, and the only one to attend my stagette. One friends sent a shower gift, and then later a wedding gift. But other than that - that was it! There are 3 of them that I still haven't even got a phone call from. When I think of all this I can't help but feel bitter. Am I being a baby or did anyone else go through this as well?

 

p.s. this is not about the gifts, I really could care less. Its more about common courtesy really... If someone gives you a gift, do you not feel like you need to return the favor when their time comes??

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if it makes you feel any better, which I'm sure it won't, I'm still waiting to hear congratulations (much less receive a card in the mail) from my sister-in-law. She just never acknowledged the fact that we got married. And she lives 5 minutes away. It's not like we haven't seen her!

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I don't think you are being a baby at all! I think your feelings are completely justified. I can see if the others couldn't make it to the wedding, but you would think they would at least make it to the shower or stagette. As if that isn't bad enough, they haven't even had the decency to pick up the phone to call you?!?! I've noticed that after I decided on having a destination wedding there are a few people in my life who have seemed to distance themselves from me. I don't know if they feel bad they can't make it, or if it's just a coincidence. My best friend basically poured her heart out to me about how upset she was that she couldn't afford to go, and she would kill to be there for me, etc. She sends me a message last week that she was leaving to California for 2 weeks! (Mind you, we are in Massachusetts, so it def. is not cheap to get to California!) I know I can't tell people how to spend their money, but I def. was hurt.

 

So don't start second guessing yourself. Your feelings are completely justified. Maybe you should try to talk to them, or try to talk to the bridesmaid who did go, to see what her feelings are on it? Good luck, I hope everything works out!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tlseege View Post
if it makes you feel any better, which I'm sure it won't, I'm still waiting to hear congratulations (much less receive a card in the mail) from my sister-in-law. She just never acknowledged the fact that we got married. And she lives 5 minutes away. It's not like we haven't seen her!
are you serious?!?! That is horrible! What is wrong with some people?

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I don't think your feelings are unreasonable at all. FI is really feeling this way right now too. He is the youngest of 7. For all of his sibling's weddings, he has had to travel and pay a great deal of money to attend but he always has because it was their wedding. Now that we are getting married, only his 2 sisters are coming. Not one of his 4 brothers are coming. I get that it is expensivbe to travel to a destination wedding. However, it is no more expensive than when FI had to travel across the country to attend their weddings. I know FI is really hurt by this and it makes me so mad at them. I am having the same problem with two of my close girlfriends, they are using babies, money, etc. as an excuse. However, I was a bridesmaid for both of them and spent tons of money throwing them showers, bachlorettes, traveling to their weddings, buying ugly dresses, etc. On the upside, some people who I didn't even expect to come are saying they wouldn't miss it for the world and were like some of the first people to book. I guess you really do realize who you can count on and who is there for you when you get married.

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OMFG, YOU'RE READING MY MIND!!!!

I was actually just venting today to my BMs about how I can't believe how some of our friends are acting towards me since I got engaged.

 

From some of them I feel like a social piranha, they've been totally avoiding me just to avoid having to tell me they don't want to/can't come to the wedding - which I'm TOTALLY fine with. I understand if people don't want to use their vacation time to attend my wedding or would rather do something else with their money/time. I haven't been pushy with it at all!

 

But you'd think they would make efforts in other areas just to make up for it - like attending my bridal shower...

 

I heard one of my friends purposely didn't open the evite to my shower so that we wouldn't know she had viewed it... WTF? Others just haven't bothered to reply or let anyone know whether they're coming or not...

I've been there to support them in all of their parties/showers/events and they can't return the favour?

 

It is really upsetting, but I guess you learn who your true friends are through the whole wedding process. I mean, I could also care less about the gifts, its just a matter of friendship and principle.

 

Sad but true!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Hockey View Post
My wedding is all over and done with. I've been back from Cabo for 2 weeks now. But I was just sitting here thinking, and it sure makes me annoyed...

All through my middle years and high school years I had a real close group of girlfriends. We stuck through anything and everything! But, as I've gotten to the point I'm at right now, things have sure changed. Of the 7 of us girls, 4 of us are now married. I was the last of the 4, so previously when the other girls were married I was there for them through everything. I attended all their weddings ( with a $100 gift), all their showers (of course with atleast a $50 gift), and all their stagettes (I missed one girls actually). Of all those events, I needed to travel 5-10 hours away. One stagette cost me $700 once the flights, meals etc. for the weekend were taken care of. I did not have money coming out of my ying yang by all means, I just did what I could because I wanted to be there for them.

Now fast forward to the last 6 months. Of the 6 girls, only one came to my wedding (she was a bridesmaid) and that is understandable becaue its a lot of money and I realize that. But, she was also the only one to attend my bridal shower, and the only one to attend my stagette. One friends sent a shower gift, and then later a wedding gift. But other than that - that was it! There are 3 of them that I still haven't even got a phone call from. When I think of all this I can't help but feel bitter. Am I being a baby or did anyone else go through this as well?

p.s. this is not about the gifts, I really could care less. Its more about common courtesy really... If someone gives you a gift, do you not feel like you need to return the favor when their time comes??
Quote:
Originally Posted by amygirl1169 View Post
OMFG, YOU'RE READING MY MIND!!!!
I was actually just venting today to my BMs about how I can't believe how some of our friends are acting towards me since I got engaged.

From some of them I feel like a social piranha, they've been totally avoiding me just to avoid having to tell me they don't want to/can't come to the wedding - which I'm TOTALLY fine with. I understand if people don't want to use their vacation time to attend my wedding or would rather do something else with their money/time. I haven't been pushy with it at all!

But you'd think they would make efforts in other areas just to make up for it - like attending my bridal shower...

I heard one of my friends purposely didn't open the evite to my shower so that we wouldn't know she had viewed it... WTF? Others just haven't bothered to reply or let anyone know whether they're coming or not...
I've been there to support them in all of their parties/showers/events and they can't return the favour?

It is really upsetting, but I guess you learn who your true friends are through the whole wedding process. I mean, I could also care less about the gifts, its just a matter of friendship and principle.

Sad but true!
I totally agree and I think i put this in another post.
FI's supposed best friend isn't coming.
One of my supposed best friends dissappeared when i lost my job (another major life event) but magically reappeared when my invitations went out (and she didn't get one).
My sister isn't coming to my wedding either, even though I was her maid of honor, made her a shower and a bachelorette party, etc when she got married, and a baby shower when she had my niece...oh, and my parents were going to pay for her to come to the wedding, so she had a free ride...so her only sister's wedding is just not important to her....
So definitely, some people suck,
but it does make me appreciate the people in my life who ARE there for me, and are awesome. I'd rather have a few good friends, than a ton of crappy ones.

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Oh hun I completely understand your feelings. DH and I went through the same thing specifically with my side of family and friends but honestly all you can do is just exactly what you did. Realize who is really there for you through it all and move on from it. I can't tell you to try and forget it, because trust me I still haven't nor do I think I will ever forget how many people just plain ol disappointed me. All I can say is im super sorry that your those friends haven't even made an effort to contact you after the fact. grouphug.gif

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well i think the one thing you can realize about reading other people's experiences...

you are not the only one.

 

i have still yet to get married...(another month or so). but when we first got engaged some of my closest friends never said anything about it, or asked about wedding plans. i had more people who i barely know what to know every detail. it was frustrating because i wanted to share it with my friends. why they were like that i don't know. they are not married, so maybe it's envy, or maybe it's just not interested. i never bring up the topic with anyone unless they ask first. sucks it has to be that way, but it is.

 

we have family members who aren't making the trip because they think it's too much money (even though they have known about it for 14 months). FI and I said from the beginning we will invite everyone we want their (and our parents want) and if they come they come, if they don't they don't.

 

i don't know why people get so weird about this stuff...but they do. it is eye-opening who is truly there for you. just make sure to really appreciate the ones who are.

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I think most of us have gone through the same thing. I didn't receive ANY congratulations from ANY of my friends. None of them could attend our wedding in Jamaica and we were fine with that, but an F'ing card, email or simple phone call would have sufficed. Considering I've bent head over heels for all of their wedding/baby shit. DH's family didn't send any congrats either (his Mom and Dad are still PISSED). It was as though because we had our wedding and reception in Jamaica that it didn't "count" in people's eyes. I've since not talked to any of my friends since last February. No skin off my teeth -- I've got other friends from work that I have more in common with now anyway. I think most of us are feeling your pain! People can be dicks, especially those whom you thought were your closest friends.

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