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Destination Wedding--selfish?

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#41 theend903

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  • 173 posts

    Posted 02 April 2010 - 11:54 AM


    I'm going through the same thing. I originally was planning a wedding at home, but then the reality of the cost set in. When we decided to have the DW, all the crap talking started behind our backs. My mom was really disappointed and I can tell now she's only trying to put on a happy face about it. But that's OK, it's our wedding. This is what we really want. Yeah, I'm a little sad that not everyone that I would like to come will make it, but it's cutting out all the people that I would have had to invite out of obligation at home!

    Don't think your being selfish..it's about you and your future husband!

    #42 DAP8479

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    • 61 posts

      Posted 02 April 2010 - 01:07 PM

      I am glad to see that I am not the only one having all these issues. I am the last of my immediate family to get married. My two other sisters got beautiful expensive weddings at home. My parents have told my FI and me that they are tapped out. We didn’t want to go broke over a wedding so we decided to do a destination wedding. My two best friends (who I wanted to be bridesmaids) have told me that they will not be attending due to their financial situations. My parents are also not excited over the idea. Everyone on my side is giving me grief over the cost. I feel so sad that my FI has so many supportive people on his end and on my side I am getting so much resistance. I wanted to call the whole thing off but I read this thread and I now know the most important thing is that a DW is what my FI and I want and that’s all that counts!

      #43 Shay

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        Posted 14 April 2010 - 12:26 PM

        We decided on a DW to keep the costs down and we wanted an intimate ceremony. The only mouths I've been hearing is my father's side of the family but we could careless about what they say, they're not helping us pay for the wedding. Either they do or don't attend won't hurt our feelings. Bottom line is it's your day and you two have to live with the memories (and possible debt :-)) for the rest of your lives.

        #44 Karen&Rene

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        • 190 posts

          Posted 14 April 2010 - 02:05 PM

          I was dreading telling my dad about our decision to get married in Puerto Vallarta since most of his side of the family would not be able to afford it. Even after he offered to pay all the expenses for my grandma to go, she still refused! (And without even giving a reason except that "there are 48 states she can choose from to have a wedding.") While it sucks that a lot of people aren't going to be able to make it, no one has the right to say that having a DW is "selfish." I've never heard that eloping is selfish, and that includes even fewer people in your wedding! It's your day, and everyone else can deal with it. My cousin just had a DW in Cancun, and all my family that attended her wedding is really excited for ours! Trust me, once they see first-hand how beautiful, laid-back, fun, and intimate a DW really is, they'll take back anything bad they've ever said. In our situation, we decided to subsidize the trips for select people on my dad's side of the family (with the $$ we're getting as a wedding present from my dad), and we're not registering for gifts to try to cut back the expenses for our guests.

          #45 Martini

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            Posted 14 April 2010 - 07:47 PM

            We are going through the same thing with my mother. This will be my 2nd marraige and I promised myself I would do it my way this time. You deserve to have the wedding of your dreams, not someone elses. We are having a low key BBQ AHR when we arrive.

            #46 TLC4Rock

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            • 473 posts

              Posted 14 April 2010 - 08:01 PM

              I concur!!! I share in your pain!

              Actually, I invited everyone I would have if I had an traditional wedding. My thoughts if you can make it see you there if not be with us in spirit. That covered anyone feeling left out. Funny...when I asked a couple of people for their address they refused because they said they wouldn't come anyway. I also heard the selfish comments.

              Nonetheless, my humble opinion when they have negative feedback is "WHATEVER" It's your wedding and not theirs...I have even told someone if you are not contributing financially - I don't want to hear your opinion. I know that sounds mean but sometimes you have to shut down the negative comments.

              I love the idea of requesting $$$ when people ask why.

              #47 VA_Bride

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                Posted 15 April 2010 - 08:29 AM

                Wow - Its amazing to read all of these responses and realize many of us are having the same issues. My parents don't have the money to fund a wedding right now and I am more than happy to do it myself. However, that did mean the FI and I needed to keep costs down. We are also beach-loving and fairly private people so it all seemed to be perfect for a DW.

                Fortunately my family has been very supportive, my Dad things wearing shorts and a Hawaiian shirt to a wedding is the best thing ever. FI dad... Well, he started off a little reluctant. We got the selfish comment and that we were forcing everyone to spend a week on an island when they would all much rather have it in VA or DC. Turns out no one else on that side felt that way, plus FI mom beat FI dad into submission so now everyone is on board.

                The friends have been middle of the road. I think they all understand, but are disappointed they can't come. To defray the costs to our guests we are hosting a welcome dinner and a full day snorkel cruise, so we can only afford close family and best friends. I wish we could invite them all but it would quickly bust the reason for the small intimate wedding in the first place so I think we will have to come up with a fun and inexpensive way to do an AHR.

                I hate to hear all the difficulties DW brides are facing, but glad to hear that everyone seems to be making it through just fine and are still happy with their decision.

                #48 MDLady

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                • 433 posts

                  Posted 15 April 2010 - 03:07 PM

                  VA_Bride - isn't it amazing that people say that we are "forcing people to spend a week on an island" like we are making them to into a military bootcamp in the middle of the Sahara dessert..... I wish I was forced to spend more time on the islands!!!!!!!

                  #49 VA_Bride

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                    Posted 15 April 2010 - 07:56 PM

                    Originally Posted by MDLady
                    VA_Bride - isn't it amazing that people say that we are "forcing people to spend a week on an island" like we are making them to into a military bootcamp in the middle of the Sahara dessert..... I wish I was forced to spend more time on the islands!!!!!!!
                    No Kidding! Fortunately for us, FI's mom beat some sense into his dad. The rest of the family was pretty excited about it. His side is all Dutch and they have never been to the Caribbean so they are excited.

                    I am sure everyone will have a great time once you are there, they just have to get over the mindset against it. A couple of Pink Iguanas from Smokey Joe's and they will all be loving it.

                    #50 saza175

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                    • 84 posts

                      Posted 16 April 2010 - 03:47 PM

                      Hey everyone...after the "selfish comments" now I'm hearing plenty of negativity about the drug war going on in Mexico.... my fiance is letting these people get in his head too. UGHHH!!!! I never knew going to paradise for a family member's wedding could create so much drama and negativity! wowwww.... Also, I'm hearing all the talk about how we're not going to get any gifts blah blah blah because people are spending so much just to go. I'm losing it LOL

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