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saza175

Destination Wedding--selfish?

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I think a lot of brides here have the same issue as you, including me!! There are no children invited to our wedding. I'm a teacher so I really like my time off from other people's children when I'm not working since my FI and I don't have any of our own. I know that I'm cutting people off the guest list for that reason alone, but honestly, I don't care. I'm not a mother yet and vacations with children is a lot to deal with.

My family is kind of surprised we're getting married in JA, but we really don't want to spend $20,000 on ONE day. We would rather spend $15,000 on a whole two weeks!

I've heard it all from everyone, but it's OUR day. We're not really considering people who really don't want to come.

I know I may sound selfish to some, but I've been kind of pleasing other people my whole life, and I'm sticking with this decision!

Good luck with your issue! I hope everything works out

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this is your day, you have to be happy with your decision, and if it is a destination wedding then everyone has to understand. Would you be happy having a big wedding at home with people you hardly know, I am guessing you probably would not be happy, you want a destination wedding so you go and have it.

 

I think we all come across someone in our family that calls us selfish for having a DW

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You are not selfish! It is YOUR wedding not theirs!!! If you want a DW then that's what you should have. And if they complain I TOTALLY agree with telling them to pay for a traditional wedding. This day is all about you and your FI and it’s your chance to have the wedding you guys want. Everyone else got/will get their day and they can do whatever they want then.

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I got the same speech from my mom. I finally told her that I'll ask for her opinions when I need them but it's my day and this is what I want. And I'm sure her mom didnt try and make decisions for her wedding. Left her nice and quiet.

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I had a great conversation one day with mom - she informed me (cuz I didn't know this before), that "back in the day" the bride's parents paid for the wedding, because it *was* their celebration - celebrating the fact that their daughter was getting married. And they invited all of their family and their friends, because back then, you got married really young and you didn't have as many of your own friends as you might these days. The wedding was planned by the parents, every detail, according to what the mom of the bride thought her daughter might like.

 

These days, it's way different. And especially if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, which happens a lot more often now, then it's the bride's and groom's choices as to what they want, and where the want it, and who's invited.

 

Maybe it's your great-aunt's dream to watch you walk down the aisle, but that doesn't mean it has your dream for her to be there, or that you should feel guilty if you have your dream wedding in Mexico and she can't make it.

 

I agree with everyone else here - you do what you want to make your day feel special!!

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It used to be traditional for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding. Well, I'm the youngest of 6 girls and my dad has shelled out for 4 weddings at this point so unfortunately for me he's tapped out. But fortunately for me he is because I can have the wedding of my dreams and I don't have to make decisions based off of others opinions. I've been to so many traditional weddings/receptions where the bride and groom didn't even know the majority of the people in attendance! I love how DW allow you to spend time with our family and friends, instead of our parents! Good luck!

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The reason I love destination weddings is it shows you the people who truly care for you. Those who really really love you will make magic happen to be there on your day.

Having a at home reception does defeat the whole purpose of saving money! The reason I chose a destination wedding is so i dont feel like I have to spend $100 per head for someone I haven't spoke to in years just because my mom would be offended if we didnt invite them! its just ridiculous....

A wedding is about you and you future husband starting your life together!!!! no one else!! and why should you have to put yourself in debt to throw a party to make every1 else happy?!
AMEN to this! You pretty summed up all my feelings in these 3 paragraphs. I know for a fact that the people that REALLY matter will make it happen somehow.

At first, I was really worried and stressed that some ppl wouldn't make it because i know they were a little strapped financially but you know what? They made magic happen somehow and they booked their plane tickets/hotels. My friend who has 2 small kids, an insane mortgage and who's husband got laid off 1 year ago worked magic and she will be there. 2 of my sisters in law who also got laid off, found a way to book. And the list goes on.

My so called friend of 20 years and her husband who are both gainfully employed and have PLENTY of vacation time to spare informed me very coldly that they won't be making it. No apologies, some lame excuse - they just won't be there. She's always felt destination weddings were 'selfish' so I wasn't surprised by her decision. She had a stuffy, boring traditional wedding 6 years ago so she hates that everyone now a days is having a DW (those were her words in reference to another friend's DW...before I got engaged). That told me a lot about her and our 'friendship'.

I have about 45-50 ppl going to my DW and it's all the ppl that really care about us that have bent over backwards to be there.

It's your day and you have a right to be selfish! They're the selfish ones for making this about them when it should really be about you and what makes you happy.

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Sounds like most of us are in the same boat. A full blown wedding in Chicago just wasn't the way I wanted to spend $25K+. We had a goal on what we can save in a year and we're already more than 1/2 way there, it's only been 3 months. We could do the city wedding, but the way we see it, no matter what family is traveling, whether to Chicago or to Punta Cana - we LOVE the Caribbean, it's our favorite way to spend our vacation time so why not start our life off where we love to spend our time.

 

My parents are SUPER excited. My FI's, not so much. His sister, who's getting married 3 months before us decided to extend their trip and make it their honeymoon, his brother (who's supposed to the Best Man) spent 30 minutes complaining about every thing on Sunday. I know my FI will never forgive his brother if he doesn't come, but at this point I feel if they really love you, if they really want to be a part of your life, they will find a way. Even my aunt who's on dialysis is planning to go. My father who just found out he has cancer (a very treatable kind, fingers crossed), is planning to be there.

 

It's not easy planning a wedding knowing that not everyone you care about wants to be part of it, but the deeper into the planning I get the more excited it get for all of us that are there. It's going to be so special and different from any other wedding in Chicago (and we've been to a lot).

 

Good luck with your planning and I hope your family and his get on board! Either way, it's about the two of you and how you two want to start your life together.

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Originally Posted by Andi View Post
yep, this is exactly what I was going to say.

Also I would invite EVERYONE to your DW... if they want to spend the money, let them come. then that way they can never come back to you and nag that they weren't even invited! besides, you might be surprised on how many people actually make the trip. It is your day and you should do what you guys want!

Ok, I had this SAME exact problem with my dad. He told me it was "selfish" and that I shouldnt "tell people when to vacation". I flat out told him that this was our wedding and that we were going to have it when and where we wanted. And that I was NOOOOOOOOOT "telling people when to vacation" because NO ONE has to go. If they want to be there for us then they will be HAPPY to go to Mexico with us. So that was that. I never looked back.

We invited EVERYONE we know. Which was nice to do because we KNEW that only a handful of people (So far 30 out of 75) would make it.. and that was just what we wanted.. but no one got "offended" that they werent invited.

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