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Destination Wedding--selfish?

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#1 saza175

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    Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:20 PM

    I like the idea of DW because instead of spending all kinds of money on a one day affair in which you worry about what everyone else thinks, you can have a week long vacation with your closest family and friends for the same price. So, now that I've begun the planning for my DW next year, I have run into some problems. My fiance's mother called me selfish, saying that we need to invite all of the extended family. My mother is upset because her parents will not be able to attend, and none of her brothers or sisters are invited. My sister is upset because she has 3 young children, and her husband will not be able to attend, and she is overwhelmed having to go to another country without her husband, with the 3 kids. I would like to have an AHR back home to include the extended family that wasn't invited, but in my eyes it kind of defeats the purpose of the whole saving money on a big traditional wedding concept. Also, for my sister's sake, I was thinking of not including her kids in the DW, even though I really want my neices as my flower girls. Then I feel like it's kind of a selfish idea to have 2 celebrations for 1 wedding. I am so confused! Another thing, when we go to Mexico, we aren't even getting legally married. SO, it's like what's the point of a so called destination wedding, when your having an AHR, and your actually technically not even getting legally married?

    #2 mrs.timpone

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      Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:28 PM

      I feel the same way hun you are not alone! I go back and forth everyday and sometimes feel like I want to cry because I feel horrible. My family dont have much money and many have never been out of the state let alone country. But heres the think you have to keep in mind...its your wedding so you have every right to be selfish!!!! you are not doing this to please your family you are doing this because this is what you want!

      The reason I love destination weddings is it shows you the people who truly care for you. Those who really really love you will make magic happen to be there on your day.

      Having a at home reception does defeat the whole purpose of saving money! The reason I chose a destination wedding is so i dont feel like I have to spend $100 per head for someone I haven't spoke to in years just because my mom would be offended if we didnt invite them! its just ridiculous....

      A wedding is about you and you future husband starting your life together!!!! no one else!! and why should you have to put yourself in debt to throw a party to make every1 else happy?!

      Sorry for the long reply!! haha

      Good luck with everything! I hope you have the wedding of your dreams! ITS YOUR DAY!!

      #3 mnh1983

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        Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:30 PM

        Just remember that your wedding is about YOU and that if you want to go to Mexico, you should! Having an AHR doesn't mean you have to spend tons of money. Have a BBQ or just finger foods or something, and have it at your house or in a park that you can rent cheaply.

        #4 saza175

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          Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:31 PM

          thanks - i needed that :)

          #5 mrs.timpone

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            Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:31 PM

            GOOD POINT! maybe something cheap to shut everyone up! lol

            #6 mich&adam

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              Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:36 PM

              AMEN Girls!!!! I have always wanted a Destination/Beach wedding with a few close friends and family only. And yes, i upset a ton of people when they werent invited and my fiance's mom isn't too happy about it either, but again, this is OUR DAY and we are doing exactly what we like, where we like, with who we like, the END!!! Happy Planning..one last thing i remember saying to my family and his...well than give us the $20,000+ to have an at home wedding....and the response Just what we thought!!! Be who you are, say what you feel, do what you LOVE :)

              #7 Andi


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                Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:42 PM

                Originally Posted by mnh1983
                Just remember that your wedding is about YOU and that if you want to go to Mexico, you should! Having an AHR doesn't mean you have to spend tons of money. Have a BBQ or just finger foods or something, and have it at your house or in a park that you can rent cheaply.
                yep, this is exactly what I was going to say.

                Also I would invite EVERYONE to your DW... if they want to spend the money, let them come. then that way they can never come back to you and nag that they weren't even invited! besides, you might be surprised on how many people actually make the trip. It is your day and you should do what you guys want!

                #8 riokayak

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                  Posted 02 March 2010 - 04:42 PM

                  You can make it legal in Mexico, its just a little more work. Also, I thought going in to planning it would be cheaper than a regular wedding and I think it ended up being about the same amount of money, only we had 35 people with us for a week!

                  Many of your issues sound close to the same issues I had. My grandparents couldn't make it. That was hard on me too, but to put up with the craziness of an at home wedding was not a sacrafice I was willing to make. We tried to Skype with them, but the speed of the internet was slow, so they couldn't see the ceremony, but they did get to see me in my dress. My sister brought 2 of her 3 children, the youngest stayed home with her other grandparents. I invited all my cousins and aunts and uncles knowing most wouldn't make it and actually none of them made it.

                  I don't think anyone was initally excited about the idea and with only 6 months to plan it we didn't get that many people to show up, but those that did we knew really wanted to be there for us. It was perfect I don't think I'd change a thing.

                  My advice to you is to really decide what you want and who you want there and then go from there. If it's a deal breaker for you grandparents to be there, you might have to rethink the location. But just remember, your sister, your mom, etc. probably got the weddings they wanted and now it's your turn to maybe be a little selfish. They will either be there or not, but that won't change the love between you and your future husband.

                  We got married February 19th, so you picked a good date! :-)

                  #9 gersbja

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                    Posted 02 March 2010 - 05:11 PM

                    I agree 100%!!! I love the thought of just thinking about saying "well than give us the $20,000+ to have an at home wedding" Next time someone has something negative to say about doing a DW... But yes, I too have been going through the same exact things and having the same exact thoughts... But I am now planning to do a simple BBQ AHR which i think will be a blast of a time anyhow! But stay strong and stick to your gut and your original thoughts...it will all be worth it in the end (so i hear) :)

                    #10 Catalyst

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                      Posted 02 March 2010 - 06:02 PM

                      I've had a similar issue with my FI's family in the last few days. His Father is swearing blind that we didn't inform him that we were having a destination wedding and that going to Jamaica would be way too expensive for him to afford especially with FI's brother getting married a few months before us.

                      The fact that we told him more than 2 years ago we were planning this aside. We've given everyone over a year's notice that we were planning this event so that if they would like to go they could. He continues to maintain that we purposefully kept him out of the loop and that we ought to be holding the wedding in canada. To be fair he is located in Hong kong so it IS alot more of an investment to come so we didn't really expect him to attend but would love and appreciate his prescence if he should choose to.

                      In the end we're just letting it be and will celebrate FI's brother's wedding with them even though they won't be attending ours.

                      To be honest we wouldn't be able to afford a regular wedding in the UK at the minute which is our main argument FOR a destination wedding. I don't think it's selfish as long as you make it clear that you would love to have everyone there but it's not necessarily practical. We are inviting extended family and if they can come ... GREAT, but in general we're pretty sure that's not going to happen.

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