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Self Invites

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#1 Shakara

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  • 193 posts

    Posted 01 March 2010 - 04:26 PM

    OMG so my family is drving me crazyy!!!!!! The whole reason why we chose a destination wedding was to cut down on costs and avoid inviting my entire family because it's huge!!! Initially we were'nt gonna invite more than 15 people and my mom almost had a heart attack because I wasn't inviting people who she wanted to come sooo i made an exception and invited some more and now i have people calling me left and right asking me for info to the resort so they can go!!! I mean seriously!!!! and I can't say no... its really making me soo soo mad because the bigger it gets the less I can do with like OOT bags and reception etc. and NO ONE seems to understand. It's me n my FI paying... no one else. and we're paying for half the rooms on the original guests list because those are people who we absolutely WANT to be there so now people think if we don't pay for half their stay it's fine for them to go... but its not! and yesterday my FI ex step mom... yes EX was like soo am I invited or what to my FI so of course he felt like he had to say yes and did! So its his mom, dad, dad's gf and ex step mom.... talk about AKWARD! And today my mom called and was like I just called ur cousins in canada to let them know you were getting married and they asked for the info so can u send it? I just FLIPPED on her and then SHE got upset at ME! but i mean seriously!??!?! And THEN not to mention my dad i don't even know if he's going or not (long story) said to me the other night when I asked him if he decided yet said you didnt even have the deciency to invite any family on my side. RU KIDDING ME?!?!? i barely even know his family!!!!! and I talk to him like once every couple of months and I havent seen him in almost two years!

    UGH i can feel my blood pressure rising.... We shouldve just eloped

    #2 AlexsBride

    • Jr. Member
    • 401 posts

      Posted 01 March 2010 - 04:54 PM

      So...can I come? It seems like everyone else is asking if they can come! LOL. Aww I feel bad for you! I have a big family as well and a big reason I wanted to have a DW was to just make it small and intimate for the people I want there.
      Have you tried to explain to your mom and tell her exactly how much each OOT bag etc is costing you and how you want the guest list to be kept to a minimum. Another suggestion is to have an at home reception and invite all those people your mom wants to invite (or your exs mom or whatever! lol)
      Mom to two beautiful girls, Izzy and Delilah and about to marry their Daddy! :)

      #3 BeachBride10

      • Jr. Member
      • 169 posts

        Posted 01 March 2010 - 05:21 PM

        I am feelin your frustrations too! I only wanted our closest family and friends to be at our destination wedding and have all the others with us at the at home reception. One of my family members is bringing two friends with and didn't even ask me!! So with a sunset cruise, reception dinner/drinks, OOT bags that kinda adds up for someone I wasn't planning on coming. I feel like telling that person that they can pay the extra money for those people, but I just can't do it. Sorry you are going through this, and hopefully your Mom will understand.

        Bride & Groom + 23 Guests Booked

        #4 bmadzia1

        • Jr. Member
        • 355 posts

          Posted 01 March 2010 - 05:29 PM

          That is horrible. I fully understand what you are going through. We are planning a wedding for 20 people. NO more. However, my mom starting asking me what about him/her etc. I was straight forward and said that the wedding is for US not for THEM. She suggested she would pay for additional people (gifts, dinner etc). But that's not the point. :-)..

          Chin up hun. My suggestion is to be straight forward and say as it is to each person who asks. The only thing you have to face is the chatter after. You can't win..

          Good luck!

          #5 echo2_62

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,049 posts

            Posted 01 March 2010 - 05:32 PM

            It sucks that you're going through this but LOTS of us here have had issues with people inviting themselves or with family members doing the inviting for us. You're definitely not alone there. The important thing here is to sit down with your FI and really make a firm decision on what the two of you want, and what you're willing to negotiate about. If you can't or don't want to handle a large number of guests then that's YOUR decision to make. Sit down with your family members and let them know exactly where you stand and that it is not up to them on who gets to come or not, regardless of who is paying.

            I had issues with my FMIL because she didn't like how we were handling our planning and in the end FI finally had to tell her to get over it or don't come to the wedding at all. It's a scary thing sometimes to put your foot down firmly like that but you have to do what is right for you. The best thing is communication so I'd definitely start there.

            Good luck and hopefully your family listens to what you say!

            #6 Mallory57

            • Jr. Member
            • 454 posts

              Posted 01 March 2010 - 05:41 PM

              UGH! It never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be...brides shouldn't have to be put in such an awkward position! Is there someone else who could deliver the 'you're actually not invited' news? Hope it works out for you :-/
              35 (and counting) booked plus Bride & Groom!!

              #7 Shakara

              • Jr. Member
              • 193 posts

                Posted 01 March 2010 - 06:10 PM

                thanks for all the wonderful advice lady. Yea i just can't understand how people don't understand who RUDE it is to invite yourself to something you didn't get an invitation too... i would NEVER do that. You are all right... I'm just gonna put my foot down cuz at the end of the day it's OUR wedding. If they don't like me for it then I guess there's nothing I can do... i mean I was never that close with them to begin with... so I wouldn't call it a loss

                #8 btn1091

                • Jr. Member
                • 180 posts

                  Posted 01 March 2010 - 06:37 PM

                  I think half the problem with this is... is that most people believe it's soo much cheaper to have a destination wedding! That once you get there... everything is looked after for you and that because it's an all inclusive...everything is free! Well as so many of us have learned this is not the case! LOL!! I'm sure most people don't understand that there are extra cost to inviting others to your wedding!! I would be as straight forward as possible (easy for me to say I know) but it will probably cause you a lot less stress in the end?! Good luck with this!!

                  #9 mbarnes04

                  • Jr. Member
                  • 194 posts

                    Posted 01 March 2010 - 06:52 PM

                    i hate pressure... just be firm with them and say you are having a very intimate ceremony and leave it at that. people seem to be mad no matter what you do. sucks!

                    #10 Shakara

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 193 posts

                      Posted 01 March 2010 - 07:13 PM

                      Originally Posted by mbarnes04
                      i hate pressure... just be firm with them and say you are having a very intimate ceremony and leave it at that. people seem to be mad no matter what you do. sucks!
                      yea i hate pressure too. I've been trying so hard to please someone and i just realized that I can't cuz at the end of the day everyone is never happy and in the process i'm compromising my happiness. So if people wanna talk i'll just let them... it's whatever ya know

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