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Huge Drama that leads to a dilemma...please give me advice!

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24 replies to this topic

#21 KGraham27

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    Posted 22 February 2010 - 02:34 PM

    I would say invite her and be the better person.

    #22 christinak82

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    • 153 posts

      Posted 22 February 2010 - 05:43 PM

      Originally Posted by Melidell
      Basically, I think that if you want FBIL to be there, she'll need to be there too. If you think he'll just go without her you're probably being overly optimistic. This is his wife we're talking about- would you go if it was your husband being excluded?

      I think you're totally right to not like this girl and she sounds like a nightmare (lying to the inlaws!) but as soon as you try to exclude her from the wedding and the reception you become the bad guy. If there's a rift in the family because of this they'll blame you and your wedding. You probably don't want to start your new life together like that. If you back down now then you're the bigger person, and if she decides not to attend or acts poorly when she's there then she looks like the bitch that she is.
      I definitely agree with you. inviting her to the wedding and to the shower is the right decision but keeping her out of the wedding party just makes sense... I mean of course it depends on how much "function" she has. Like in my case, my bridesmaids will be responsible for guest coordination, translation (german-english) and organization stuff... thats why I need somebody who I can count and rely on. planning a nice wedding and having a person in the wedding party who just complicates things makes you lose a lot of your excitement and happiness...
      I would clear things up with the brother and how he sees the whole situation. maybe he can help and talk to her.

      #23 SusieQ

      • Sr. Member
      • 1,603 posts

        Posted 22 February 2010 - 06:02 PM

        speaking from experience and just getting married 3 weeks ago, I can tell you there was someone at my wedding that should not have been there... i should have put her on a plane and sent her home two days before I got married. My stephdaugther created some very huge issues ( i won't go into detail) and I really didn't want her at my wedding and I struggled with it for two days (this issue has been going on for 2 years since FI and I got engaged). However while we were away she did somthing that I still can not forgive her for. I knew I was allowing her to stay and be apart of my wedding because I love her father and it was him and only him I kept my mouth shut and put on a smile.
        Honestly our wedding day came and I really didn't give a crap that she was there and when she pulled her BS again or attempted I should say she got the death stare from so many people she nearly crawled under a rock.
        You'll be surprized how you can tune her out and after all you'll be the one people respects for loving your husband enough to put your best foot foward when it belong up someones ass. opps!!
        Good luck hun.... sending power hug

        #24 kerrij

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        • 300 posts

          Posted 23 February 2010 - 01:39 PM

          I didn't read all the other advice but she is going to be your FAMILY so you can't uninvite her from your wedding just because she's a total b!tch, as much as I'm sure I wouldn't want her there anyway. you cant' exclude her. keep her out of the wedding party for sure though. but extend the invitation for everything else, even the shower. it's not like you have to sit by her the entire time. say hello, say good bye and just avoid her nicely the rest of the time!
          good luck.

          #25 lalanyc

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          • 363 posts

            Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:34 PM

            Well, given all the advice, sounds like we're all in favor of inviting her. If I were you, I'd have a go-to person - someone to keep her in check or, at minimum, seated as far away from you as possible. If you have a good relationship w/ your FMIL, perhaps you can ask her to be "in charge" of your FSIL during the shower. Maybe that might ensure that she'd be civil.

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