marriage counseling

[blckrevpower]

Counseling forces people to address issues that they normally wouldn't. My FI and I weren't happy campers after every session, but did we learn more about each other? Yes.

My FI is the type of person who doesn't want to deal with issues head on, so the counseling was hard for him at first, but he got used to it.

If people are having problems because of it, I think maybe it's because things are being said that normally wouldn't be under different circumstances.

The FI and I learned to communicate our needs, and I think that helped us the most.

[mnh1983]

The FI and I haven't done marital counseling (even though I'm a therapist and should probably know better), but as a therapist myself, I've brought up at home stuff that I would work on with couples. Someone mentioned John Gottman. He is THE guy in the world of therapy to do marital stuff. I studied a lot of his stuff in school and have used some in my practice. I would recommend it.

[kelly1214]

My FI and I are doing a "Prepared to Last" DVD series. We live about 45 minutes away from each other and both work two jobs so finding time to meet with a counselor is very hard. The DVD series gives us the time to do it on our own and at our own pace.

 

We had to take an individual online quiz before we started the series- it detailed stengths and weaknesses in our relationship. I could always sense what we were less than great at but to have it in writing really helped.

 

The 1st lesson was a huge eye opener. We talked about expectations. What I expect from my husband and what he expects from his wife, what we expect from families, life, friends, of the household chores. It was pretty awesome.

 

The lesson on intimacy and sex is coming up in a couple weeks. I'm not really looking forward to that lesson. I've had some situations in the past that I've learned to cope with by putting up walls- especially when it comes to being intimate. I always knew that was an area we needed improvement in our relationship but to see how important it is to my FI and see how 'disappointed' he is with that part of the relationship really hurt a little but really makes me want to work through it more now that I know.

[CeeCee76]

I hadn't thought about pre-marital counseling because we aren't members of a church, but I think it would be good for us to do. I feel that counseling works if people are honest and aren't trying to make themselves look good.

[Loveisintheair]

We did pre-maritial counseling through our church as well. It was a great experience! I got to know more about my FI as a husband. We talk about different things all the time but it was more intimate and transparent. Also, I enjoyed getting the third party perspective which is sometimes missing when its just you two thinking through the process. It was great to hear my pastor say that he felt no reservations about our plans for marriage.

[cjb0arder13]

I would really love to do pre-marital counseling, and my FI has offered to do it if it's something I want. I know we have some issues (mainly, money and intimacy) that we really need to work on.

 

I'm actually going to start therapy by myself next week, and that will be a good way to feel for the process. After that, I may sign FI and myself up for couple's therapy.

[JCruz]

I have never been but I think it's a great idea. I've read the seven principles of marriage and thought it was a very helpful read - would recommend it as well.

[MontG]

My FI and I want to do the pre-marital counseling, but I do have a question for you brides out there....how long would you recommend us continuing? I have heard of those who do a crash course, or others who have attended for 6-weeks or more!

 

Thoughts?

[kelly1214]

I would recommend something longer than a crash course. I'm the type of person that takes time to process things. If we did everything we've done so far with our counseling in a weekend, I'd feel completely overwhelmed. Processing your emotions and understanding (and remembering) the things you talked about is the reason for doing counseling... make the most of it and take your time.

[june92012]

Communication is the key, counseling helps with that so it's just a matter of "buying in"