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MIL visiting your resort before the wedding?


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#1 volosikj

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    Posted 19 February 2010 - 11:18 AM

    I recently sent out my STD for our wedding 1/15/11 at DRC in Riviera Maya. It took me 6+ months to pick that resort, and among other reasons-- one of the main reasons I chose this resort is that it is new and NONE of my guests have been there or to Riviera Maya. I encountered some resistance from the MIL for selecting a pricey hotel, but have heard great feedback since the STD's went out and that everyone is please with the site selection.

    So much in fact, that I just found out last night that my FI's parents just booked a seperate trip with her friends (also invited to our wedding) for next month. I didn't have the $, or time to do my own site visit, but spent many long hours on this forum and talking with my TA before settling on DRC and I am thrilled with my decision.


    MY FI thinks I am being a spoiled brat because I don't want anyone to go visit there before me. I am also concerned MIL will try to highjack the planning and put her own opinions on food, location, etc that I have already decided on. Or worse yet, disapprove of my hotel selection and force me to change it after I've already put down deposits, and planned a lot of the wedding.

    Am I being a bridezilla because i think since I am paying for it, I want to be in control? I picked DW b/c I didn't want the added input from everyone else locally. Or should I be flattered that they think I picked a great resort that they can't wait till the wedding to visit there?

    I am really upset about this and don't know if I should be. Please give constructive feedback!!! Has this happened to anyone else?

    #2 becks

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    Posted 19 February 2010 - 12:19 PM

    I'm sorry she's stepping on your toes. That's not fun!

    But seriously, don't worry about it. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you do not want to hear ANYTHING about the resort or her experience. Tell her that you want it to be totally new to you because you want your wedding experience to be a something totally unique. Tell her that one of the reasons you picked the resort was because you didn't want anyone attending to give you input, so that it could be totally yours and yours alone. Get your FI on board, too.

    And then anytime she opens her yap to tell you that you should *whatever*, hold up your hand and tell her you want it to be new when you get there, and walk away.

    Oh, and yeah, that's not a nice thing for her to do. But MILs are a pain. I still tell everyone I know to marry an orphan.

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    #3 hat0112

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      Posted 19 February 2010 - 12:39 PM

      double post
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      #4 hat0112

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        Posted 19 February 2010 - 12:40 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by becks
        I'm sorry she's stepping on your toes. That's not fun!

        But seriously, don't worry about it. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you do not want to hear ANYTHING about the resort or her experience. Tell her that you want it to be totally new to you because you want your wedding experience to be a something totally unique. Tell her that one of the reasons you picked the resort was because you didn't want anyone attending to give you input, so that it could be totally yours and yours alone. Get your FI on board, too.

        And then anytime she opens her yap to tell you that you should *whatever*, hold up your hand and tell her you want it to be new when you get there, and walk away.

        Oh, and yeah, that's not a nice thing for her to do. But MILs are a pain. I still tell everyone I know to marry an orphan.


        I agree. I picked my island because my FI and I never been and no one I know has been to our resort.

        I also think you need to tell your MIL that you don’t want to know anything about her trip. This is suppose to be a new experience for you and your FI and if she goes to the resort and comes back and tells you guys all about it and shows you pictures and gives you details about everything, it won’t be so new.

        And you have to get your FI on board with this. You will need him on your side when you talk to your MIL.
        Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

        I love being a Mrs.!

        #5 hoyt75

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          Posted 19 February 2010 - 01:06 PM

          Mmmm... I might take it a small compliment that my MIL would go there. Maybe your future in laws and their friends picked that resort b/c they knew it that it must have been nice to have a quick getaway? Still, for whatever reason, I would be a little upset. You did spend a lot of time picking this resort and you want every experience to be unique and all your own. Definitly tell her that you don't want to hear anything about their trip and that you fully expect her to stay the heck out of your wedding and away from the wc while she's there.

          #6 Destination Scout

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            Posted 19 February 2010 - 01:08 PM

            I'm sorry that things aren't going your way. Is there any way you can turn this into a positive? I know you don't want her to hijack - which is completely understandable - but can you give her a "to do" list? It will be very helpful to have someone there before hand. It could actually alleviate a lot of stress.

            #7 azulskies

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              Posted 19 February 2010 - 01:50 PM

              I agree that I'd be a little upset just because it took you so much time to pick the perfect resort and you want it to be a new experience. I wouldn't get too upset but I do find it weird that of all the places to go to, they would go to where your wedding will take place..? Is she just going as a vacation? I'd wish her a great trip but make it known that you don't want to hear too much about it b/c this is supposed to be a new and special time.

               


              #8 finleys7

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                Posted 19 February 2010 - 02:27 PM

                Oh boy...In Laws!!!

                I know you said that money was tight, but for the past 3 years GoGo Travel runs a special in March for Mexico, I know because I have done it. Last June the FI went on our site visit for under $650 each for 4 nights!!!! That’s with Air!!!!

                My mom and sister had been there before me and I heard "Oh This and Oh That" (which I'm sure is what you are trying to avoid with your FMIL) but if you can get down there for cheap BEFORE or AFTER them you can have your own opinion and just nod your head when she talks about it. Who knows she may be on the SAME page as you and agree 100% with what you already want to do. That’s what happened with my mom and sister. It actually turned out to be a big help. But I am sure my FI felt like you that the 'In-Laws' have been there. He got over it quick, once we got down there and is was AWESOME!
                Shannon

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                #9 Janelley100

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                  Posted 19 February 2010 - 02:35 PM

                  I agree with both sides of the coin presented by previous posters. I would be flattered that they would want to go on a mini vacation at your resort...and I would be a little upset as well. mostly I would be upset if they picked your resort AFTER they knew you picked it because no one had been before. If she didn't know this previous to planning a vacation...than I would be more flattered than upset. Does that makes sense? If you and FI told her you picked it because no one had ever been and you wantd a New and Exciting experience...and THEN she went on her own accord to book a vacation prior...I would be upset and very concerned that she was trying to hijack the planning. MIL's typically just want to help...especially those without daughters of their own to plan for. You just need to stand your ground as previous girls have stated. And get your FI to stand behind you on it. You deserve what you are planning...what YOU are planning! :)

                  Good luck!

                  #10 kate.com

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                    Posted 19 February 2010 - 04:13 PM

                    Well I can see where you are coming from, but because it is out of your control you need to take a deep breath and deal with it. Be gracious, and take it as a compliment.

                    Now, as for your wedding. It sounds like you have made most of your choices. So if she tries to interject simply say "thank you for your opinion... but I have spent many hours researching so we are going to stick to the plan. Dreams and your TA know weddings and I doubt they have lead you astray. Good luck, stay calm and keep your cards close so to speak.




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