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Bridal Party

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#1 Stina4242

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    Posted 18 February 2010 - 04:10 PM

    OK, so I made the mistake of asking my bridal party members immediatly after I got engaged. I always knew my two best friends would be in it and since I couldn't pick between them I made my sister MOH (even though we aren't that close). I am also close to some of my fiancees sisters but since there are three of them I didn't want to pick bewtween them so I figured none was better then one. Well, I am really regretting it. My two best friends live far away so can't help much and although my sister works and goes to school she is too busy with her social life and drinking to help me out ever. I have since made them all just bridesmaids and have no MOH. My fiancees sisters won't help me at all because they aren't in the bridal party and I feel like this is really petty. I put something on facebook asking for help and the one was like isn't that what your bridal party is for (this one happened to be in a friends once and I know she didn't do a darn thing). Part of me wants to fire my sister and make one of them one or just flip out on them and tell them they are being stupid but I feel like why make a big fight about it.
    Ugh, I am just really overwhelmed and upset and needed to vent.

    #2 punkie569

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    • 255 posts

      Posted 18 February 2010 - 05:02 PM

      I'm sorry you are having troubles with your bridal party. This is why I don't have one. Lucky for me my sister/friends understood and don't mind helping if they can. I really can't believe that your future SIL's won't help just because they aren't in the bridal party. That is beyond petty. When my future SIL got married she asked her FH's nieces who were all under 16 to be her bridal party. Of course they couldn't help at all and their moms ended up doing most things they should have helped with. If she had asked me for help I would have gladly helped her, wedding party or not. Do you have any other friends that can help out but won't make you feel guilty for not making them BMs? I know I would step up to help a friend planning a wedding. As if you don't have enough stress! Maybe other family members are willing to help? I'm sure it will work out in the end even if you have to do everything yourself. Good luck!
      Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love

      #3 **Kat**

      • Sr. Member
      • 2,682 posts

        Posted 18 February 2010 - 05:38 PM

        the point of having a bridal party (besides wanting them to stand up with you when you get married) is having people to help you. You should talk to all of them and tell them that you need help. Both my MOH and BM are in another state and have still helped me a lot. Mostly online. They will send me links to things or research prices, or whatever the case may be. There is no reason why they cant help you and you should not feel bad asking them to do so

        #4 carolina24

        • Sr. Member
        • 1,573 posts

          Posted 18 February 2010 - 06:19 PM

          i agree with butterfly...when you sign on as a BM or MOH, you are taking a responsibility to help and be there for the bride!! I say talk to them, and if they aren't willing to step up, fire all of them and do it your self! I know I'd rather do things myself than to have a bridal party who's basically just there for the attention they'll get that day!

          #5 coley88

          • Jr. Member
          • 186 posts

            Posted 18 February 2010 - 06:24 PM

            I agree with the ladies above. My little sister is my MOH and my closest GF is my BM. My sister and I are super close but she recently moved to FL and can't really afford to be a true MOH, but she's doing every thing she can from afar. IF your ladies can't help you, then dump them and use this forum, the ladies on here will give you all the support you could need!

            #6 steponmyknee

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              Posted 18 February 2010 - 06:51 PM

              Sorry you're having this issue. I opted not to have any bridal party at all. Can you "fire" them and go it alone?

              #7 TLC4Rock

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              • 473 posts

                Posted 18 February 2010 - 07:28 PM

                I think you should talk to them first. If they are local invite them to lunch and present with the guide talk about what you need each one to help you with and how you need their help.

                Ask them to work on specific things... a to-do-list. Also search on this site, someone posted a guide for what a BM and MOH should do to assist the bride.

                if this does work fire them....just kidding...well if you want to! :-) If your budget allows hire a wedding coordinator. Not the site coordinators but someone that will travel with you and help you prepare for travel.

                Anyway, just don't stress.

                #8 lalanyc

                • Jr. Member
                • 363 posts

                  Posted 18 February 2010 - 09:24 PM

                  When I picked my BMs, my main thought was: "Who do I want in the room with me the morning of my wedding day? Who will most help me relax, get ready and have fun??" If you still feel that way about your BMs, then don't fire them just yet! haha

                  I do think that most people don't really know how to be a BM b/c every bride is so different. I honestly have not relied on my BMs for anything. My MOH has helped me w/ some research but that's b/c she loves wedding stuff, not necessarily b/c I needed her to do it for me.

                  I would second TLC's advice and either meet with or send an email to your BMs with very specific requests for help. I think most people respond well to clear instructions.

                  Also, what about getting your mom or FMIL to help? Is that an option?

                  OMG, as for your FSILs... put them in charge of the guest book!! LOL!

                  #9 bride7474

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                    Posted 19 February 2010 - 06:50 PM

                    I actually had a similar situation. With one of my BMs it got to the point where I wouldn't hear from her for weeks and a lot of things she promised to help me with, I ended up doing it alone. I eventually sat down with her and told her that I understood she was busy, but I needed someone to help me and if she didn't want to be involved then that was fine, but I would have to find someone to fill her spot.

                    #10 FutureMrsTO

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                      Posted 30 August 2010 - 01:35 PM

                      i included my fiance's cousin as a bm whom i had known for 10 years when me and my FI got engaged.  She wound up moving out of state to be with a bad boyfriend and disregarded the commitment that she made to us.  She eventually dropped out of my wedding and the trip all together via text message.  Yes, text message starting with "i regret to inform you..." ( i wouldn't believe this myself had this not really happened!)

                      In short, we no longer speak. Its difficult cause she is a part of my FI's family. I have to say that while i didn't predict this I have to be glad that I found out about it prior to the wedding and with enough notice that it won't effect my day. (or that i wouldn't have to spend the energy photoshopping her out of my pics!! LOL )  I agree w lalanyc as to who you envision with you on that day.  The bad eggs will rot themselves out!! good luck to you!

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