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wedding shower...thoughts..


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#1 ali0284

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    Posted 16 February 2010 - 10:40 PM

    So my mom and friends insist on throwing me a shower. I am having a very small wedding (around 30ppl). They invited all my aunts, cousins, etc. They can't afford to go. Turns out my aunt is pissed I am getting thrown a shower, because she can't go to the wedding, and thinks it's very rude to be asked to come to the shower. She called my mom and went off on her(i overheard). Saying how I don't deserve a shower, and it's rude that i'm having a destination wedding, and not wanting to have a wedding here around my family who has always been there for me. She was invited to the wedding though....What is everyones thoughts on this?
    ~*I believe in the sand beneath my toes, the beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling*~

    #2 Melidell

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      Posted 16 February 2010 - 11:24 PM

      I don't think it was at all rude of your Mother to invite her when she was invited to the wedding. That's pretty standard, actually. That's crazy that she called your mother and got upset with her like that! As for not having your wedding around your family... wow, that was a terrible thing to say. It's your choice where and when to get married at the end of the day, and the way she's treating your Mother is very rude. She sounds like she's just upset with the situation in general- if your Mom hadn't invited her she probably would have been mad about not being included. With some people you just can't win. Try not to let it get to you (easier said than done, I know) because neither you nor your Mom are doing anything wrong.
      Loving married life!

      #3 mekanabr

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        Posted 16 February 2010 - 11:34 PM

        Hmmm... thats a tough one. I dont think that your aunt had any right to go off on your mom! I had a similar situation with my aunt and finally when she was visiting, I told her that if she has nothing positive to say about my choice then dont say anything (that finally quieted her down when she realized I wasn't changing my mind...I refused to discus it with her about it until she just gave in haha).

        Anyway, just because you are having a destination wedding, doesnt mean that you can't have the same celebrations that every other bride does, especially if your family is so willing to throw you one. I think its a nice opportunity for ppl that can't afford to go to the wedding to be able to celebrate with you. That being said, I do think that there has to be a limit to gifts at these kinds of celebrations (at least in my opinion). If I were a guest attending a DW, I wouldn't want to have to buy a shower gift, a wedding gift, plus spend a grand just to get to the actual wedding. I think a really great shower can be thrown that doesn't have to be planned just around opening presents. You plan games, food and spend time with your friends and fam.

        You can always let your guests know that their presence is all you ask for at the shower and instead ask for advice or suggestions. Also something that I've seen done is that instead of gifts, ask your guests to print out a few of their favorite recipes so that you can create a cook book. That way everytime you use the recipes you think of the person who gave it to you.

        I'm interested to see what other ppl say about this bc I'll be dealing with it soon too (my FI fam is really big and most likely most of them will be able to come to the wedding..)

        Good luck with your shower, and don't let pesky family members dampen your celebration!!

        #4 ali0284

        ali0284
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          Posted 16 February 2010 - 11:40 PM

          thanks ladies! I feel bad about people getting me presents, because they are already paying a lot to be at the wedding. I told my mom I don't really want one. My soon to be SIL just informed me it would be "crazy" to have a wedding shower because we are having a destination wedding. I don't know why, but that just really annoyed me. I just HATE how everyone questions your choice for a DW and complains about it. To me, if you are going to complain, then don't come. YOu can't make everyone happy, right?
          ~*I believe in the sand beneath my toes, the beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling*~

          #5 TLC4Rock

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            Posted 16 February 2010 - 11:49 PM

            Focus on your wedding!! I keep getting the same selfish responses and drama from people also, so I've decided to focus on my dream wedding and ignore everything else. I know that is easier said than done.

            My point is no one is ever going to be happy even if you did a traditional wedding. Someone will complain about something! I know it's hard because you really want to please everyone and I'm sure you would love for your aunt and other family members to be at the wedding. Well at least that's what I am dealing with. :-)

            Stay close to the BDW family for support and keep moving towards your dream! :-)

            #6 mekanabr

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              Posted 16 February 2010 - 11:50 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by ali0284
              I just HATE how everyone questions your choice for a DW and complains about it. To me, if you are going to complain, then don't come. YOu can't make everyone happy, right?
              HA, AMEN! It's your wedding so they just need to get over it! :) Sorry you're having such a rough time... we haven't actually told my fiance's family that we are planning a destination wedding yet for this exact reason!

              #7 carolina24

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                Posted 17 February 2010 - 02:05 AM

                tell these people that unless they are PAYING for the wedding, they can shove it!!

                #8 mnh1983

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                  Posted 17 February 2010 - 02:13 AM

                  It is YOUR wedding, and no one should dictate how to do it other than you. It is unfortunate that your aunt is acting that way, but I agree that this could be an opportunity for those who can't attend to celebrate with you. I hope it all works out!

                  #9 mnh1983

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                    Posted 17 February 2010 - 02:15 AM

                    It is YOUR wedding, and no one should dictate how it goes except for you! It is unfortunate that your aunt is acting that way, but I agree that this could be a time for the people who can't attend to celebrate with you. I'm guessing she is upset that she is unable to go and is taking it out on you. I hope it all works out!

                    #10 SusieQ

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                      Posted 17 February 2010 - 04:00 AM

                      Your aunt is a sponge- she can suck everything up and somehow make it about her...Sorry but how does you planning the wedding of your dreams exclude you from having a shower.
                      Now if you were marrying a man on death roll for murder I could see auntie saying, I don't think is a wise choice and we shouldn't be encouraging the girl and pretending to give our blessings.
                      People have a way of making things about them and are so twisted in their thinking and no matter what she would have someting negitive to say because that's just her.
                      Shake it off baby, you deserve to have a shower for the people that can not make, it gives them a chance to say we love you and best wishes... Trust me there will be tons of those people... It's isn't about the negitive aunt and don't give her any attention...




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