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giraffexx

Does anyone else feel awkward about having a bridal shower?

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My mom and FMIL are set on a shower!  And since we are having an AHR, I don't think it would be tacky.  There will be only about 35 people at the DW, but we're at 215 for the guest list for the AHR so I think I can get away with a shower :)

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We are having a casual AHR, but I still feel weird about a shower, I would feel weird if we were having a traditional at home wedding, I feel guilty that people will spend money on us just because we chose to get married

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Hey all,

I felt weird about it at first, but then when my mom and bridesmaids told me to think about the numerous wedding showers, bachelorettes and now baby showers I've attended over the last few years that weirdness quickly disappeared. 

The truth is that a lot of people won't be able to make it to the DW, so it is almost like they expect you to have one so they can feel a part of the celebration.  Anyway, everyone that is coming to the shower is also coming to the AHR.

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In the UK, we don't have bridal showers, we only have hen nights/hen weekends, which would be the equivalent of your bachelorette parties in the US, so there wouldn't be any gifts, just the cost of attending the party and the activity and accommodation if it's a weekend.

 

My sisters in law are trying to convince me to have one, but I feel awkward asking people to spend money when they either can't afford to come to our DW/are already spending lots of money to come/are only invited to the AHR.

 

A lot of weddings in the UK are split into "day guests" and "evening guests" where close friends and family are invited to the day, with the sit down meal etc and work colleagues etc are invited to the evening with dancing and a buffet. I hate being invited on a hen weekend when I'm only invited to the evening party. I feel like I'm being asked to spend a couple of hundred pounds, when they are not willing to spend £50 or so on inviting me to the day. That's what I feel my friends would say if I had a hen party.

 

Perhaps I can work it so that I just do something in my home town, that won't end up costing a lot of money.

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I actually do not know if I will be registering for gifts, but I would feel awkward because we melted our lives together and have pretty much everything we would need or want at this point.  However, I know people may want to do something for us, but I am going to ask you guys your opinions on what I would want to do.  In June of 2010, 2 of our best friends lost their daughter to a catastrophic form of epilepsy that hits children and is very hard to diagnose.  Only 1 Doctor really is able to diagnose it and they had just met with her the week before Maddie passed.  I would love to be able to ask that people donate money to the foundation to help find a cure for this because that would mean more to us than any gift?  Would that be wrong?

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Merry Lee - That is an amazing and extremely generous idea. I'm sure that people would be much happier to make a worthwhile donation than to buy you a present that you don't need. I hope your friends have all the strength that is needed during this time.

 

I was beginning to feel like we weren't having a real wedding, until I had my shower. It was a way to involve those that are close but couldn't attend the wedding. I had 15 people at my shower and I'm so glad it wasn't larger. It allowed for mingling and fun without being too overwhelming or too much work. I would have been sad to miss out on a shower for everyone to meet each other and just have a fun girls afternoon.

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my mother and FMIL were pretty surprised I didnt want one... we've lived together for 5 years, i dont even want gifts for the wedding... but I decided if I have to have a jack and jill "shower" that were renting a bus for a wine tour for and doing "in leiu of gifts donate to the animal shelter".

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My aunt who can't make it to our wedding is throwing me a bridal shower back home. I'm inviting the people I've invited to the wedding bc I feel it'd be awkward to invite people I didn't invite to the wedding. She wants me to register and everything. I feel a little weird about the people spending on travel buying me gifts, but she is really excited about doing this for me and I know everyone who would come is doing it because they care so I guess I have to just suck it up!

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