Situation on my hands

[Naye84]

So my fiance for whatever reason (he has given several) still has not asked his brother to be his best man. I have tried to encourage and gently ask. He still hasn't. I have contact with his brother's girfriend via Facebook, but I don't know if it would be inappropriate to kinda tell her the situation. BTW we are getting married in June, which I know is still 130 days away, but he is the only one standing with him along with my sister (MOH). Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. We do live like 5 hours away, and he insists on asking in person. HELP!

[simplnsweet]

so let me get this straight.... he want him to be his best man but he wants to ask him in person? if i am correct then get him off his butt and go visit him if he is not wanting to asking over the phone. The best man has a few responsibilities and it would be considerate to have the best man aware and prepared to plan.

[Niedertobe]

I wonder what is behind his hesitation to ask his brother. First, does he think he'll see him within the next couple of weeks...or, is his relationship with his brother rocky right now for some reason? Either way, I would give a timeline with the choices: either ask him within ____ weeks within which time he can reasonably make travel plans (or is he already booked to come?)...or, ask another close friend. I think this can be done in a way that isn't condesending or like an altimatem. Perhaps this will help him open up with you about why he's delaying on this one without him getting hurt by you going behind his back.

[Niedertobe]

I wonder what is behind his hesitation to ask his brother. First, does he think he'll see him within the next couple of weeks...or, is his relationship with his brother rocky right now for some reason? Either way, I would give a timeline with the choices: either ask him within ____ weeks within which time he can reasonably make travel plans (or is he already booked to come?)...or, ask another close friend. I think this can be done in a way that isn't condesending or like an altimatem. Perhaps this will help him open up with you about why he's delaying on this one without him getting hurt by you going behind his back.

[Melidell]

If he wants to ask him in person I think you should respect this, but he should tell you when he plans on doing this. The wedding is less than six months from now and it's about that time, you know? FI and I waited until our MOH and BM had already booked their trips so as not to put too much pressure on them- could he have a reason like this maybe? Or possibly he just thinks he has a lot of time and doesn't realize it's only polite to give some notice. It's definitely inappropriate for you to talk to FBIL's girlfriend about this, though- this is between FI and his brother at the end of the day.

[mbarnes04]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naye84 So my fiance for whatever reason (he has given several) still has not asked his brother to be his best man. I have tried to encourage and gently ask. He still hasn't. I have contact with his brother's girfriend via Facebook, but I don't know if it would be inappropriate to kinda tell her the situation. BTW we are getting married in June, which I know is still 130 days away, but he is the only one standing with him along with my sister (MOH). Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. We do live like 5 hours away, and he insists on asking in person. HELP!

I agree that you should let him ask in his own way. Do you think he could be hesitating about the decision to have him be the BM? Either way... no one says you can't plan a get together ... just a little push!

[carolina24]

maybe he does want to ask in person, maybe there's something he's not telling you. whatever the situation DO NOT talk to the brothers GF about this. It's not up to you, if he ends up without a BM or someone other than his brother, that's his choice...don't meddle

[jplovesme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melidell If he wants to ask him in person I think you should respect this, but he should tell you when he plans on doing this. The wedding is less than six months from now and it's about that time, you know? FI and I waited until our MOH and BM had already booked their trips so as not to put too much pressure on them- could he have a reason like this maybe? Or possibly he just thinks he has a lot of time and doesn't realize it's only polite to give some notice. It's definitely inappropriate for you to talk to FBIL's girlfriend about this, though- this is between FI and his brother at the end of the day.

I agree. I understand that you are ansy and want to get this out of the way, since we like to make sure our plans are set well ahead of time, but there might be something there that you don't know about that makes your FI extra sensitive. I don't think you should go through the girlfriend, cuz that's kinda tabou. See if the brother officially booked, then u can prod the FI again. Guys are kinda more laid back in a way (compared to us girls), where they think these things aren't as high priority.

Good luck!

[lalanyc]

I know you should let him handle it on his own but what about giving him a deadline?? My cousin had similar issues when planning her wedding w/ her then fiance and it caused such a huge stress on them (not to mention that it screwed up their plans b/c he refused to communicate w/ his side of the family in a timely manner). Guys can be so dense sometimes. It might be worth dragging him to his brother's for a get-together just to make it happen!

[~Nicole~]

I think you should just let him deal with it. Its his own fault if things don't go as smoothly as possible because of his delay in asking him. I would, however, explain why he can't keep putting it off. I'm just not a fan of hand holding. It's super annoying to me and my DH was the same about it (huge procrastinator) so I speak from experience lol. As the other girls said though, I would definitely not talk to the gf about it. Good luck!