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mnh1983

Uneven Attendants

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My fiance and I initially agreed that we each only wanted our best friend to stand as attendants, so we each asked one person. Other friends of mine asked about my wedding party (in hopes I would ask them), and I kindly explained that we wanted to have one each, which satisfied most.

 

Now, my fiance has decided he wants additional attendants. I have no idea what to do because I've already had one person confront me pretty harshly because I didn't ask her, and I know that others, while they understood, were somewhat hurt. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask them now because it would seem like they weren't good enough initially. I explained this to my fiance, but he just says I'm being stubborn.

 

I told him that if he wants additional groomsmen, it is fine with me, or he can ask them to be ushers. He then argues that we can't be uneven.

 

What do I dohuh.gif?

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Originally Posted by mnh1983 View Post
My fiance and I initially agreed that we each only wanted our best friend to stand as attendants, so we each asked one person. Other friends of mine asked about my wedding party (in hopes I would ask them), and I kindly explained that we wanted to have one each, which satisfied most.

Now, my fiance has decided he wants additional attendants. I have no idea what to do because I've already had one person confront me pretty harshly because I didn't ask her, and I know that others, while they understood, were somewhat hurt. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask them now because it would seem like they weren't good enough initially. I explained this to my fiance, but he just says I'm being stubborn.

I told him that if he wants additional groomsmen, it is fine with me, or he can ask them to be ushers. He then argues that we can't be uneven.

What do I dohuh.gif?
My FI decided to ask 13 guys!!!! I only have 7... I didn't wanna ask just "friends" of mine...I wanted them all be best friends. I think if you explained the situation to the girls, they would understand. It"s not like you are going from 5 to 10...you had only asked 1. Good luck girl!

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If they are close enough friends that you are thinking of asking them to be in the wedding, I would hope that your friends would understand if you explain the situation.

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I don't know, I'm with you. First you have to tell them that you are only having 1 for bride 1 for groom, then if you ask them to go ahead and join, they might feel bad because they were't good enough first and when they see the groom has multiple people, they might think that you lied because they were told you both were only having 1 person.

If he is unwilling to budge on the matter, you could just explain that you two have discussed the issue and you both decided to add more people, and the reason is because you would like all of your close friends to be a special part of it.

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This is a tough situation. But, I agree that if your friends are good friends, they can understand that your FI changed his mind and you are going to have a few more friends. We had this discussion yesterday and I said that even numbers were important to me. But thats just me!

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Originally Posted by mnh1983 View Post
My fiance and I initially agreed that we each only wanted our best friend to stand as attendants, so we each asked one person. Other friends of mine asked about my wedding party (in hopes I would ask them), and I kindly explained that we wanted to have one each, which satisfied most.

Now, my fiance has decided he wants additional attendants. I have no idea what to do because I've already had one person confront me pretty harshly because I didn't ask her, and I know that others, while they understood, were somewhat hurt. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask them now because it would seem like they weren't good enough initially. I explained this to my fiance, but he just says I'm being stubborn.

I told him that if he wants additional groomsmen, it is fine with me, or he can ask them to be ushers. He then argues that we can't be uneven.

What do I dohuh.gif?
omg i had such a similar situation!!! except my FI didn't bother to ask me before asking an additional guy to stand up! this was 2 months after i had asked everyone else... to make matters worse is that this guy can't commit (still hasn't put his deposit down -wedding in 4 months)... I happened to have a good friend that I had wanted to stand up to begin with so of course I asked her. This guy is still a big question but I've since realized that it really doesn't matter if it's even or not... what really matters is that you have who you want stand by you on your big day.

What we decided is that if this guy ends up not coming either we'll have one guy have a girl on each arm or we'll have my daughter who's a junior bridesmaid walk down with one of my closest friends...

it will all work out so please don't fret. just do what you feel is right for you!!

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He actually did end up asking someone without consulting me, but the guy is military and will be deployed. My FI still wants to ask additional people, and although I don't think he understands the "predicament" I'm in, I think he is over asking me about it. I feel kind of bad, but I don't want to go back and forth about it anymore. I actually would like SOME of my friends to attend the wedding, and if we keep changing the number of attendants, I'm afraid they'll all be mad and not show!

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I really don't feel it has to be even. To me its more of "filling the spots" when you're trying to make it even instead of just asking who you sincerely want to be in your wedding party. I would stay firm in your response to him otherwise it may come off as tacky to those extra people you are considering to ask. If you stick with the fact that you aren't asking anyone else, he may decide to drop it if he's that insistent on having an even wedding party. Unless he's already asked them.......?

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Originally Posted by mnh1983 View Post
He actually did end up asking someone without consulting me, but the guy is military and will be deployed. My FI still wants to ask additional people, and although I don't think he understands the "predicament" I'm in, I think he is over asking me about it. I feel kind of bad, but I don't want to go back and forth about it anymore. I actually would like SOME of my friends to attend the wedding, and if we keep changing the number of attendants, I'm afraid they'll all be mad and not show!
Well, taking a step back, how many people would you have asked if you had not set these constraints? Does it match the # of people your FI wants to add? If so, I say go for it! (heck, even if the numbers don't perfectly match, still go for it!) cheesy.gif

I dont think you should feel weird about going back and asking your friends to be in your wedding. They may be miffed that you didnt do so at the onset, but in the end, I think they would be very excited to participate in your day.

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I was in a similar situation. A groomsmen dropped out and so did a bridesmaid now he has one and I still have 2...I say numbers really don't matter as long as you have the people that you want there with you.. JMO

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