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BM bailed on my bachelorette party....wrong to be mad?

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#1 brandynd

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    Posted 31 January 2010 - 08:27 PM

    Okay girlies….I need a little bit of non-biased advice on this one. Yesterday I had my bridal shower, followed immediately by my bachelorette party. It ended up being lots of fun, aside from the fact that my FMIL was still there when my MOH surprised me with a naughty party….that was a little awkward, but beside the point!
    One of my BM’s had told me last week that she may have to leave my party early, because she had some birthday party she had to put in an appearance at. Okay, cool. Said BM was supposed to go along with me to my hair trial yesterday to give her input and whatnot. This was at 1 in the afternoon. I called her at 12:15 and she didn’t answer. I figured maybe she was still asleep or something, because she had another birthday party the night before.
    Called her again when I was on my way to my MOH’s at 3 for my bridal shower. Still no answer. Called again after dinner at 6….again, no picking up of the phone on her end. Finally I called as we were leaving for the first bar at 8:30! Again, SURPRISE!!! She didn’t pick up her cell. I left her a message asking her if she was planning on coming to my bachelorette party, and to call me when she heard the message. She never showed.
    I got home at about 2am, and sat up for a while in an attempt to sober up before sleep (it helps prevent the next day hangover.) And at about 3, while I was screwing around on FB, I see that she updates her status, saying what a “great night,” she’d had, and that it was bedtime.
    I’m so sick of this crap from my BM’s. I get married in 13 days, and I think I’ve had it. Am I wrong to be mad? I’m about ready to tell her not to bother coming to the wedding at all.
    There is no better gift that can be given than the gift of ones self.

    #2 amygirl1169

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      Posted 31 January 2010 - 08:48 PM

      Hmmm... sounds pretty selfish if she couldn't at least give you a reason for not showing up! Don't BM's have responsibilities at the shower? Did she just not do anything for it?

      I hope she has a really good excuse, but if she had such a 'great night' then I doubt it's a reason you'll find excusable. It always cracks me up how people bust themselves by posting things on FB... duh!

      #3 LadyTrunck

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        Posted 31 January 2010 - 09:00 PM

        I think you have every right in the world to be upset at this. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people bail with no call, no reason, etc. It makes me feel like they think their time is more valuable than yours- I mean, you are sitting there the whole time wondering where she is, if she is ok, etc.

        My best friend called me yesterday, almost in tears, telling me that she cannot make it to the wedding. I totally understand- she has had a lot of $$ problems lately. But she absolutely promised me that she would be there for my bachelorette party, which is in Denver, and she lives in San Diego. That meant so much to me, knowing that she doesn't have a lot of cash right now, that she would make that effort. To me, that is how a friend does things.

        I would talk to her and let you know how you feel. I think it will make you feel a lot better, and to get a perspective on where her head and heart are at...hope it all works out for you!!!
        Married to my BEST FRIEND!
        July 7, 2010!!My Planning Thread: http://bestdestinati....ns-pics-60834/
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        #4 bikegirl

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          Posted 31 January 2010 - 10:21 PM

          I think before making any decisions, confront her and get the story. Maybe she has a good excuse why she couldn't come to YOUR party...maybe she totally forgot she had promised someone else to go to theirs.

          BUT, I don't think there is ANY excuse for not contacting you, even if at the very last minute, to tell you of her change in plans and to apologize.

          I would ask her if she still wants to be your bridesmaid. Her response should be very telling. And if it turns out she is not ready to being a BM or does not want to be one for sure, then that's unfortunate, but definitely better to know now than to have her potentially stand you up on your actual wedding....

          Good luck and so sorry this happeend to you!

          #5 Emmers

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            Posted 31 January 2010 - 11:43 PM

            Yeah, I'd be bummed as well. Especially since she is clearly a very important person to you if you are having her in your wedding. When my sister was getting married, one of her BMs bailed on the party as well - she was notorious for flaking about other plans they had throughout their friendship, but this one was particularly upsetting since it was right before her wedding. She talked to her about it, and I can't remember what had happened, but there was a pretty big event that held her up from coming. There could be a good explanation if you're willing to talk to her about it? Either way, a phone call would've been nice as you waited.... Good luck and don't worry about it too much - you have a HUGE day coming up! Congrats!

            #6 carolina24

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              Posted 01 February 2010 - 03:04 AM

              you have every right to feel what youre feeling...not cool behavior at all. you want your BMs to celebrate you as a bride and as a friend; that's why you asked them to be your BMs to begin with. i would still let her explain (or try to) the situation. if you're not satisfied and you really feel like her presence will be more of a downer on you wedding day, then ask her not to come...DO YOU FIRST!!!

              #7 midnight24

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                Posted 01 February 2010 - 03:13 AM

                you have every right to be disappointed. i would be too. i don't know your history with this girl so i can't comment on if this is typical behaviour or not. if this was happening to me so close to the wedding i would just move past it and focus on your day. if she is still acting weird after the wedding then maybe a little distance between the two of you would be best.

                #8 jplovesme

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                  Posted 01 February 2010 - 03:14 AM

                  It's understandable that you are upset. I was part of a wedding party where one of hte BM's disappointed the bride left and right. Not a good situation to have (especially cuz the bride complained about the BM to everyone but the BM).

                  I'd say you should talk to your BM and see what was going through her head this weekend, and then just focus on your wedding. It's sooo close, and there's no need to stress yourself out over her. If it really bugs you, then make sure you do talk to her soon. You don't want any drama to pop up on your wedding day.

                  #9 vdaybride

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                    Posted 01 February 2010 - 04:20 AM

                    Yes you should be upset!!! There must be something in the BM water.. my BM had the nerve to spend the money I gave her for her BM dress!!! when I asked her for the 5th time in a week why she had not gone to be fitted she finally confessed that she spent the money! Can you believe it!?! sorry to go off venting you your thread, but I can completely understand your disappointment in your BM completely justified! Hopefully your wedding will be so faboulous that you won't even remember what a female douchebag she is being..
                    Married 2-14-2010 Dreams, Los Cabos


                    #10 svetayasofiya

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                      Posted 01 February 2010 - 11:10 AM

                      I say dump her ass. What kind of Birthday party has her busy ALL DAY? Your shower was at 3pm... she couldn't have come to that? Not to mention ignoring your phone calls everytime you called. She'll have a bevy of excuses but IMO none will justify the lack of courtesy she showed you by not picking up the phone.
                      I am sorry but, life is too short to keep selfish people like that close to you.

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