Being Pressured to change our wedding date
Posted 21 January 2010 - 09:51 AM
FI and I have decided on Dreams Los Cabos and have even confirmed availability of our date and are just waiting on travel pricing from the TA to finalize. FI's family has been unsupportive of the destination wedding from the start and has put a lot of pressure on us to have the wedding at home or to have an AHR even though we can't afford either and they certainly aren't offering to help pay.
While last night I get a total ambush call from FMIL pressuring me to change the wedding date to August because one FSIL is a teacher and she would have to take unpaid vacation in November. Of course we want FSIL there. We have even suggested that we would be open to helping with her ticket if she had to take unpaid time off. But its unfair to expect us to arrange our wedding around her. An August wedding would mean we have to find a completely new venue because there are no direct flights from Toronto to Los Cabos at that time (the lay over at the Calgary airport would be over 10 hours!!). It would also mean that 2 members of our wedding party would not be able to make it. We would also be anxious about hurricanes. Finally, for the rest of our lives we would have an anniversary date in the summer which we don't want.
The biggest kicker is that FI's family has already complained so much about the destination wedding that the FSIL in question probably won't come no matter when the date is.
The whole thing makes me even more stressed cause FI is just like, f**k it, do what we want whereas I'm the one who tries to make everyone happy. I feel like FI's family knows that and therefore are putting all the pressure on me. The whole thing is stressing me out. Sorry for the rant, but it makes me feel a little better.
Posted 21 January 2010 - 10:01 AM
you say the family is not willing to help with an AHR or anything, so im assuming you and FI are paying for the DW yourselves, which means you have no worries of anyone "forcing" you to do anything you dont want... your $= your way!
honestly, your reasons for picking a november wedding FAR outweigh FMIL's reasons for having an august wedding. maybe you could draw up a list of pro's and cons for each month and present it to her so she realizes that you are making a very rational choice? i know sometimes when you try and tell someone something they only hear the parts they want, but if its down on paper, how can they argue? (dont forget to include that $ help you want to give SIL for the unpaid week as a PRO!)
anyways, i really hope you keep the november date for many reasons, but the biggest one is i'd hate for you to have any regrets later down the road. every bride wants happy memories of the entire wedding, and the best way to do that a lot of times is to do what you want and need to do because its YOUR day (not FMIL's hehehe)
either way, keep us posted!
Posted 21 January 2010 - 10:05 AM
Posted 21 January 2010 - 10:59 AM
When we told our families that we were having a destination wedding, we had simular reactions. Everyone is so upset because they can't be there and making me feel horrible while they are pressuring me to do it at home, and even close family have told me they would NOT attend unless it is as home. I told them all that is fine. My wedding really has nothing to do with anyone but myself and FI. Anyone who can come is just a bonus. I think you should look at it the same way.
My family is also wanting to do a fake wedding and reception when we get home. Like you, the funds are not there to do that. So what we have been talking about is to have a little dinner at the house or go out to dinner. For the close family/friends that can't make it to the wedding. (maybe you could do that)
All in all, you need to do what makes you happy. A wedding is suppose to be a once in a lifetime, and we all need to treat it as such. You and FI need to do this for you.
Posted 21 January 2010 - 12:12 PM
We changed our wedding date once, because my mom asked us too. We had originally planned for today actually, but moved it to Feb. 18th. Reason: my mom felt it was too close to Christmas vacation. Fair enough so we bumped it by three weeks. Then that pissed off an aunt and uncle because it meant missing the Olympics. It also meant another uncle couldn't come because he was working for a company that did a lot of structures for the Olympics and needed to be in Vanacouver... c'est la vie!
You moving your wedding to August, would have been like me moving my wedding to April. It just wasn't going to happen. Stick to your guns. The sooner people see how serious you are, the sooner they will get on board (or not!). It's not about being selfish, but it's about you and your FI in the end, and you really truly have to do what you want and that is have a November wedding.
Posted 21 January 2010 - 12:42 PM
Posted 21 January 2010 - 01:11 PM
Posted 21 January 2010 - 01:26 PM
Honestly, FI's immediate family has been completely UNsupportive. Especially his mother, she's a control freak and we are just out of control, lol. I will be SHOCKED if any of FI's immediate family attends besides his father. We will wait and see.
I live in Louisiana and I know hurricanes, you do not want to worry about that at the time of your wedding. All of your reasons for wanting November sound perfect. FI's mother is a school teacher, we tried to choose a spring break date so she doesn't have to miss school like your FSIL, well guess what... now that we have a deposit on our date... the school board changed Spring Break to the week after Easter. We are not going to change it for her. It's what we want. Do what you want. Do not feel selfish or bad about it. This is your wedding and you deserve to do it your way. You want to look back and know you had exactly what you wanted.
At Home Reception: May 7, 2011
25 guests + bride + groom booked
My Wedding Planning Notes
Posted 21 January 2010 - 02:05 PM
You will always have people who may not be able to come -- my sister is a single mom, and is struggling with the idea of paying for such a lavish trip. I was hurt at first, but completely understand now that it may be hard for her to come. It's best to keep your head up and remember....even though it's hard....to not take it personally. Don't let other people's desires influence what you do!
Posted 21 January 2010 - 03:01 PM
PS. If you make one person happy somebody else will be upset..don't start accomomdating now becuase you will never stop. That's life!
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