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Just want to un-invite some family!

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#1 creoletexan

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    Posted 01 January 2010 - 06:47 PM

    First of all, when we first sent out our save-the-dates, only my mom's side of the family had an issue with it, even her. They suggested that we have our wedding in Baton Rouge, LA instead of on the beaches of the Bahamas next to the ocean, so that "all" of our family could attend, which means, my husband and I pay for all of these people who barely know us at all to eat and have fun on our dime.

    Then my mom proclaimed that NOONE on her side of the family is coming, but my uncle, her youngest brother, intends to go. Then, after she found out that my dad's sister plans to go, she now says she might go, since she is going.

    Then she found out that we are paying for my FIL to go to the Bahamas, because he is on social security and can't afford to go on his own, and he raised my husband by himself since he was a baby, and he is going to watch our son while in the Bahamas. She said whatever we do for one side of the family we should do for the other. Then she said if we paid for her to go, she MIGHT go, even though she is a software engineer and a Mercedes is only ONE of her vehicles. Honestly, my mom gets on my nerves and at times, I can't stand her at all, and I barely talk to her due to her selfishness and negativity.
    For instance, I had been overweight almost all my life, so after I had my son, I decided to lose the baby weight as well as the extra weight from before the pregnancy. So, I called myself being nice to send her a picture of me and my son, at this point I had lost 50lbs, and the first thing she said was that my face looked saggy and that I needed to tone it up. My face was nowhere saggy as a matter of fact, at 26 I still get carded for NyQuil because they think I'm under 18. When I went down in October, the only comment she made was that I waited until I grew up to lose the weight.

    So now, my younger brother went down to Louisiana for Christmas, while my husband and I stayed home in Arizona for the Holidays. Apparently, my mom's side of the family intends to go to Orlando, FL on Memorial Day weekend instead of coming to the Bahamas for my vow renewal. He said that they went around the room at my Grandmother's house to see who intended to go to Orlando rather than the Bahamas, and out of the room it was my uncle, same uncle, and my younger brother, even my MOM was going to Orlando.

    My younger brother told me a couple of days ago that my mom decided she was going after my grandmother, her mother, told her that it would be wrong for her not to go. I honestly don't want her to come anymore.

    Now, I'm contemplating not even sending them an invite. Why send them an invite that I'm spend my time and money, to design and put together these pocketfold invites knowing they have no intention of going? I even spent my time to find 3 cruises that dock in Nassau, Bahamas the same day as the wedding for those who would prefer that and one even leaves out of Orlando, FL. They haven't even told me themselves that they don't plant to go.

    #2 mlabbe

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      Posted 01 January 2010 - 08:04 PM

      I don't think that you should not invite them, regardless of if they plan to go or not. You can keep on being the better person in this case, and looking back you won't have any regrets. If they show, they show, if not, it's too bad for them. I'm sorry though that it's so draining and complicated - hopefully things will turn up for the best!

      #3 CristiandJamie

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        Posted 01 January 2010 - 08:21 PM

        I'm sorry your mom is treating you that way and I hope it all works out for you and your FI. Just know that you are the better person and keep your chin up :-)
        Cristi & Jamie
        http://img.weddingco...er/7nhul9k2.png32 guests including Bride and Groom... and counting

        #4 creoletexan

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        • 220 posts

          Posted 01 January 2010 - 11:51 PM

          It wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't the part of the family that I grew up with. I spent summers in Louisiana with them since I was potty-trained, and when I went to undergrad in Louisiana, I was there almost every weekend. They were the closest family I had. My dad was barely around so visiting his side of the family was rare, so all we did was visit with my mom's family.

          But, I will continue to take the high road, and send them the invites.. I guess I can kill them with kindness.. It will be an awkward visit when we go down for spring break in March. Thanks Ladies!

          #5 Rainfall

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            Posted 02 January 2010 - 02:46 AM

            I hope everything works out for you in the end!

            #6 classadiva

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              Posted 02 January 2010 - 12:18 PM

              Creole...so sorry you are going through this. Why is it that DW's seem to bring out the absolute worst in people? I've seen it in regards to my own weddding and the weddings of the many other brides that post here. Know that you are not alone. Enjoy your hubby and take the high road. The only people that will have regrets are those in your family that are making things more difficult than they have to be.

              #7 vlynnw

              • Sr. Member
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                Posted 02 January 2010 - 12:26 PM

                I'm sorry they are being difficult, I hope everything works out.
                Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

                #8 renee1811

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                  Posted 03 January 2010 - 04:50 AM

                  I'm sorry you are having trouble with your family. I hope it all works out

                  #9 roo66

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                    Posted 03 January 2010 - 07:45 AM

                    Deffo kill them with kindness,and if they dont come no worries.Im not sure i would want someone so negative in my room when i hope to look and be told i look beautiful.I dont think you can have a hope in hell of getting that from your mum even on your wedding day.So if se does decide to come keep her away from your room.You will have a wonderful wedding no matter wot xxx My dads not coming with us in September purly for selfish reasons although already hes saying Lanzarote is the place to spend the new year.Hes in for a shock my mum is never going on holiday with him again.She has booked to come here in Feb and of course with us all in September quite honestly we will have more fun without him so im not wasting my energy on him sad but true.When my mum was so sick in October he left me in Dublin city all by myself cos he couldnt handle it.He wasnt there when she had a normaly fatal heart attack and when i rang to say she was in theatre and they wernt sure if shed make it he said ill be up at 10 tomorrow.He left my brother and i to deal with her death if it had happened by ourselves.I havnt spoken with him over the christmas new year break cos i dont have anything to say to him.I always had my dad on a pedestal but not anymore.SOOOO WHAT IM SAYING IS SEND THE INVITES WITH A DEADLINE CONTINUE TO PLAN WITH OR WITHOUT THEM. xxx

                    #10 FutureMrsSharpe

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                      Posted 03 January 2010 - 05:41 PM

                      I'm sorry that your family is acting like that. Believe me, you are not alone! Maybe it is better that they aren't coming. You don't want anyone upsetting you on your wedding day. Plus, you're probably upset about it now, but once you get to the Bahamas and your wedding festivities have begun your wedding is all you'll be focused on. Just enjoy the time with your brother and your uncle. BTW, congrats on getting into shape! And tell your mom its WAY harder to achieve when your an adult. You should be so proud of yourself. Have fun rockin' that wedding dress!

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