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I'm sad and need to vent!!

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#11 A10CalGal

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    Posted 11 July 2007 - 03:57 PM

    Yes, that would hurt my feelings, especially since she originally committed to staying at the wedding hotel. BUT, she's gotta do what she's gotta do. I wonder what she'll find for less than $160/night though?

    Don't take it personally, it's just what she needs to do.

    #12 Debs

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      Posted 11 July 2007 - 04:46 PM

      Do you have to pay for the room if she doesn't take it? If so, I'd give her a deadline if you want to give the room you set aside for her to someone else. No point in losing money, or if someone else really wants to go.

      #13 boscobel

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        Posted 11 July 2007 - 04:52 PM

        How is she just realizing NOW that she can't afford it? I mean the wedding is seven months away and she booked it 2 months ago. So that is a total of 9 frigging months to get the money together! I am sorry you are going thru that, but I am having trouble understanding how she can even justify that. Unless she truly has a good reason (one of my bridesmaids backed out of the destination part b/c her husband got recalled to the army and they have a 1.5 year old son. And I beleive that is valid reason.)

        #14 CourtneyV

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          Posted 11 July 2007 - 04:59 PM

          Won't she lose money by going somewhere else since she already booked there? How much of a deposit will she lose? Does it make that much of a difference? I guess it's up to her though.
          Happily Married since May 9, 2008
          Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

          #15 rodent


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            Posted 11 July 2007 - 05:21 PM

            I think you have to talk to her about it one on one. There must be more to it than her not being able to afford it. Has anything happened recently like losing her job? I think it would totally different if you were not paying for the flight already, but since you are doing that much for her she needs to be more fair to you. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone saying they can't afford to go or don't want to spend their vacation money that way, but they HAVE to tell you upfront. Its different if its really about the money, but I think often its a power thing.

            I understand why bridesmaids can be difficult. I've been a bridemaid 7 times & its easy to get your feelings hurt & feel mistreated. But it sounds like you are being very generous.

            Some people were originally unsure because they didn't think they'd like the area, or thought the hotel would be too expensive. I made a really detailed webpage & included everything to get excited about in the area & at the hotel. I tried to include things I'd know our guest would be interested in. I think everyone is excited about it now. Some people didn't like the idea of an all-inclusive. Now they are saying they can't believe what a bargain it is. So maybe she just needs more information to see that what she is getting is an amazing deal.

            I would be really sad to find out anyone chose to not stay at the hotel. I feel like I worked really hard to pick out a place that would appeal to everyone. They would miss out on a lot of the fun by staying somewhere else. I'd also worry they'd expect us to accomidate them by leaving the hotel & meeting them places. I think all staying at the same hotel is the best way to spend a lot of time together.

            #16 MikkiStreak

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              Posted 11 July 2007 - 06:31 PM

              My first thought was, 'What type of a place is she going to wind up in for less than $160/night?" I think hotels can be found for less, but for less than the Playa Fiesta rate you've got, she should be concerned about what environment she will wind up in staying there....

              I also agree that it sounds like there's something more going on. Unless she's now unemployed or had to take a job at McDonald's, I don't see why the price is too high for her....

              And having "other plans" for your engagement party? Yea, that's just crappy...

              #17 NATASHA

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                Posted 11 July 2007 - 06:34 PM

                I agree with what was said earlier. Say you understand, you'll miss her being there with you all the time but that's OK, maybe remind her about the costs of paying for food and transportation to/from the hotel for the various events if you feel you should, etc.

                However, you should say, "You know, the room was reserved for you and someone will have to pay for it. I will do everything that I can to fill it so you're not on the hook, but I need to know no later than XXX date so there isn't any confusion as to whether you do or don't want the room and so that there is enough time to try to find someone to pay for it."

                You don't want her to waffle back and forth on it only to say three months out that she doesn't want it and you won't have time to fill it because I seriously doubt she'll be kind enough to pay for it.
                Shawn and NatashaHappily MarriedNovember 11, 2006

                #18 michelle08

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                  Posted 11 July 2007 - 06:44 PM

                  Originally Posted by CABOBRIDE200
                  I'd be upset too about the room and the other plans that she has during your engagement party.

                  If you divide out the $800 over 5 nights it is $160 a night. Where does she plan to stay for less than that and with breakfast and drinks included? ...and, you paid for her airfare. Did you ask her where she plans to stay? ...that's just weird that she wants to stay somewhere else away from your other guests.

                  I'm sorry!
                  That's what I was thinking...I just calculated that out to the $160 and that is so cheap and good point about it being all inclusive!! I would give anything to pay that price!! :)

                  Money is money and that's one thing...but it just doesn't make sense!

                  #19 amyh


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                    Posted 11 July 2007 - 09:34 PM

                    I would be upset and i don't think you are over reacting AT ALL!!! Why don't you let her know that the cost of getting a cab and running back and forth (since you know she'll prob want to be w/ everone at PF) is going to cost her $$$ too! If you really want her there, then maybe offer to ay some of her stay?? I know that you've already paid for her airfare, but if its that important its worth a try. BUT I would still be pissed that she is not attending your E-Party b/c she has something else to do!

                    #20 tvt

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                      Posted 11 July 2007 - 09:46 PM

                      my feels would definitely be hurt. she's your MOH! but i can understand that weddings can be financially hard to attend (especially if she's in a bunch of them); but she's also getting a vacation out of it too!

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