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Fruitcrush

Selfish People

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Okay, so this is my first true venting session regarding the wedding!

 

The one thing that I was never warned about, when getting engaged, is how selfish people can be!!

 

Since when did getting married mean accomodating everyone else, but YOURSELVES?!?! I would like to think that our wedding day is about FI and Myself, but apparently I have it wrong...

 

My Father's wife keeps making a big deal about how they don't know if my Dad can get the time off. (They are taking a week off right before the wedding to go fishing-and they are well off) I spoke with her today and she then proceeded to telling me " how do you expect for people to come to your wedding? people have to buy tickets, take time off, spend money, etc. for you" .. well, No, we don't expect for people to come. In fact, we expect for very few people to come, which is fine.

 

Um, okay? Well, we are getting married in Mexico. We chose this to save money. Now, my thought is.. unless people are paying for our wedding themselves, then they can have a say. The funny thing about this is that my brother lives in Minnesota. If he were to get married, that would mean we would have to fly there, get hotels, cars, and take time off. My Dad and his wife would happily go, as they have in the past for graduations, etc.

 

I'm so frustrated with the actions of others right now. I had no idea that this is how it would be? FI and I are fine if it is only us and our two witnesses who come because the day is for us. We chose Mexico because we wanted it to be memorable for US!

 

People are trying to make us feel guilty but what if we had our wedding locally and it was on a day where people had prior committments? Would they expect for us to change the dates? At this point, it's hard to say, but I'm sure someone would make the suggestion!

 

Okay, sorry about my rant! This could go on forever!

 

~Adriana

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It's okay. You rant on! Dont let them push you around and make you feel guilty. When we decided to do a destination wedding my FI and I made a pact that we would still go even if everyone we invited could not go, because it is about the bride and groom and no one else. Just remember that, and stick with it. It will all be okay in the end. just think about where you are going and who you are going for (you and your FI) that is all that matters.

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Hola Adriana! Remember you are the bride and you ARE the boss!!! There is no way to please everyone! Focus and visualize what you and your fiance want for your big day. punk.gif

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I can definitely relate to your rant Adriana! My FI's mom can't make it down there, but it's her own fault! From his own words "she's the 60 year old who's never held a job more than 3 months," how's it our fault if she can't afford to come down? Bahhh it's totally about you and the FI, everyone else can take it or leave it!

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FI's Mom may not be able to go either.. they decided that they would rather take a 14 day trip to Italy a month after our wedding. It's okay because when it comes down to it, we are both just so excited to be together on that day.

 

Thanks again for listening! I'm glad that I'm not the only one experiencing these feelings.

 

Adriana

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I think you definitely deserve a rant! My FI and I also had a pact, there were a couple of people we wanted to make sure that would come but aside from that, those that want to make the trip are more than welcome. We'll just see everyone else at the AHR. It seems to me that both you dad and FI's mother are proving that your wedding isn't important enough to them because they're taking other trips instead. I really hope you guys are able to work things out and I'm sure you'll have a wonderful, memorable wedding with the guests that go!

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I get how you feel, hang in there! It's infuriating and it feels good to rant!

 

We got that from a few people (read, almost all of my friends, so now I'm getting married with mostly none of my people) but they probably would have flown to Vancouver instead - like that would be infinitely cheaper! It took me a while to get over it... ok I'm not over it! I keep hoping that people will change their minds but I understand as well that it is a big expense for them. Enough about me though!

 

I'm sure that you've tried talking to them before, but how about just sitting down with your dad and letting him know how it makes you feel? I'm sure that they don't realize how their actions and word come across. It is about you and your man, you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it!

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adriana,

you have the right mind set and please dont let them change it.it is your twos day and it is only you two you have to worry about.i would leave them and let them be you still have some time left if they book they book if not you will still have a great day and lots of fun.

 

i think its a one time thing and it would be nice if people gave you some tlc and attention for once in your life.but like you say there are alot of selfish people out there.

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You absolutely deserve a vent!

 

The reality is that everyone has an opinion about your wedding, and the hardest part is not letting them get to you. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell someone that Iappreciated their desires for us to have a wonderful wedding, but it was our wedding and we were going to do it just the way we wanted.

 

If its any consolation, in hindsight these things make the funniest stories. Keep that in mind and keep your chin up.

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I completely understand how you feel and can relate. My brother won't come to my wedding because guess what…. There is no fancy Casino in Jamaica!!!! I just could not believe it... But at the end, people who will go will be people who will be happy to share that special day with you and your FI no matter when and where you choose it to be. Hang in there and don't let anyone change your mind. It is YOUR special day.

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