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Splitting holidays between families

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#1 *kellis*

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    Posted 19 December 2009 - 05:35 PM

    I did a search and couldn't find any threads about this so if I missed it, sorry.

    But I was wondering what everyone does for holidays? There seems to be too many family groups that want us there which is great but how do you divide everything so it's fair? I've read articles about this but most seem to only deal with just your family and your in-laws. What do you do when you have divorced and remarried families that you've always had to split holidays between, times 2?
    Last year FI and I ended up not being together for the Christmas and I didn't want to do that this year but we don't want to be exhausted trying to do two family holidays in one day. It seems you can't help but offend someone.
    It doesn't help that my father's family is in California so it requires a few day trip to be worth the expense which we just can't fit in this year.

    I love the holidays and was loving the Christmas "spirit" until all the family politics crap showed up again. It's enough to just make me want to stay home alone with FI for the next 2 weeks.

    Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
    (Formerly "Future Mrs. Kt Ellis")

    I love being a wife!

    #2 itsfinallyhere

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      Posted 19 December 2009 - 05:49 PM

      You could always start new traditions. Like visiting some on Christmas eve, or boxing day, instead of doing everyone on the same day. You could also try to alternate between families for the holidays. But my best advise is try not to please everyone because you will drive yourself crazy doing that. Figure out what is going to make you and your FI happiest and go from there.

      #3 shellk

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        Posted 20 December 2009 - 05:47 AM

        we have the same problem this year we told everyone we are chilling as we normally entertain so we dont get caught up in it all.then mum invited for christmas day dinner so we dont have to cook either.i say stay at home.

        #4 FutureMrsLewis

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          Posted 20 December 2009 - 05:53 AM

          FI's parents are in Alberta, and my parents live an hour and a half away, but we're still staying home. The obvious choice would have been my family as they're much closer, but FI has to work, plus staying home and creating our own traditions is really nice :)

          Ultimately, do what YOU want to do. Don't worry about everyone else and their opinions, make yourselves happy because nobody else will do that for you

          #5 SusieQ

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            Posted 20 December 2009 - 08:45 AM

            yeah the holidays get tricky, we have a combined family one child each.. They both live with us fulltime. My son I always have for xmas asmy Ex goes home to another province to visit his family for xmas. However FI's daugther will not be her xmas morning or for dinner because we are putting her on a bus xmas Monday the 21rst and sending her on a 5 hour trip to see her mom for the holidays. It is heart breaking for my FI he know his ex doesn't do xmas the way we do at our house. But that's life and she needs to see her mom. Sorry off track.... This time of year is stressful and sometimes you just have to look at whats best for your immediate family and say "no".
            Maybe stay home for xmas and alternate years that you pack up and go to each family after xmas day... I don't think there is an easy answer that will take away the stress or the guilt of not doing whats expected of you. Goo Luck

            #6 Tifany

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              Posted 20 December 2009 - 11:53 AM

              Our situation is pretty clear in our case. We spend Christmas in one country one year and in the other the next. If we don't spend the day with my family in a given year, we have a make-up day in January. :)

              #7 RonNMel

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                Posted 20 December 2009 - 12:31 PM

                My previous situation was a lot like Tifany's. My ex's family lived quite far away, so one year we'd spend xmas with my family (seeing my dad's side on xmas eve and my mom's side on xmas day, or sometimes both on the same day as they'd be celebrating in the same city), and New Year with his family (again seeing one part of the family on NYE and the other side of the family on New Year's Day. Then the next year we'd switch and do Xmas in his hometown and New Year in my hometown. We'd always stay close to a week in each place so that we'd have time to see everyone and relax with our immediate family as well.

                Now with my FI it's a bit different. On xmas eve we'll be having dinenr with my dad's family. It's gonna end early as my grandpa gets tired quickly and then my dad has to drive him home, thus ending the party. So then we'll be heading over to my brother's place to celebrate with him and my mom. On Xmas morning we'll be starting our own little tradition as a new family (with his daughter), opening the rpesents in our stockings while eating a big breakfast. And finally we'll have dinenr with his family. He has a huge family, but luckily both his dad's and mom's sides celebrate together!!

                #8 jenninjamaica

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                  Posted 20 December 2009 - 12:58 PM

                  We have a pretty busy holiday, but it seems to work for us. Christmas Eve we spend with both our sets of parents and my brother, having chinese food! And then we will have Christmas day brunch with my family and a late dinner with my FI's family. In between we get to relax a bit. I'm not sure what will happen when we have kids, but for now everyone is happy.

                  #9 drtracy

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                    Posted 20 December 2009 - 03:06 PM

                    A lot of people I know alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas with their families. So one year they'd do HIS side for Thanksgiving and HERS for Christmas and the next year switch. It seems to work for them and everyone expects it so no real drama. My parents live near DH's dad but his mom lives 12 hours from them (and they live 8 hours from us). We travel to where my family (and his dad) is and spend Xmas Eve with DH's side (mom & dad's families) and then Xmas day with my side. We have to split time with his family as they are divorced and remarried but we give my parents as much time so no one feels "cheated." Don't know if that helps you but that's how we roll. :)

                    I agree with the sentiment of do what you want. I don't know if we will still travel so much when we have kids but if we don't, we don't...

                    #10 pinayflava

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                      Posted 20 December 2009 - 06:01 PM

                      reminds me of the movie - four christmases

                      You can alternate holidays or even have them visit you for the holidays

                      Usually family will understand if you aren't able to make it to Christmas

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