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hat0112

A Bridesmaid Question

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I agree with "FMS", when you accept the BM invite, you accept the expense. As a bride, I wouldn't be upset if you didn't get me anything, but as a guest or BM I would feel weird showing up with nothing. I always give at least $50 for me and each guest ($100-$200). If you don't want to spend too much, I would give her an actual gift instead of money, that way it's more thoughtful.

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I agree, $50 is more than enough considering all you've already done! Do you definitely want to give money? Did they register somewhere? If so, maybe you could find something nice but inexpensive on their registry or even just get something for their home like a set of placemats & napkins, a cookbook & pasta bowl, or salad set, or even a hurricane vase w/ a candle in the middle and have it sent to the couple so you don't have to bring it to the wedding.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

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Well the couple registered but they got everything at the shower. I am not close with them and the only reason I am in the wedding is because we are related and she needed another girl in the wedding (found out after I said yes). I went to 2 other weddings this year in the same family and I am not close with them either and all they got was $50 so she won’t get more than that. I wouldn’t be so bitter, but at the bridal shower the mother in law planned the entire thing then asked the bridesmaids for $250 each (there are 7 of us)! She didn’t even consult us on any of it and didn’t even ask for the money, we were just expected to give it! And the bride knew about all of it. I know being a bridesmaid means paying money, but I also should have a say. The bride and the groom planned the bachelor/ette party too, and that was expensive.

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I think it's a very personal thing. No matter what you give, I think that the bride/groom will appreciate it. You can't compare what other people give, because you don't know the situation. Maybe they have more money to give, maybe it's a very close friend and not just a friend.

 

I also believe that when you accept to be a bridesmaid you should know that you will incur costs above and beyond what other guests will incur. I don't think I would say "well I spent $2000 on you so I won't give you a gift". Maybe think of something that would mean a lot to the couple, doesn't have to cost you a lot of money.

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I agree with FMS as well. When I accept to be a bmaid, I go into it knowing I will be spending alot of money. If I couldnt afford it, didnt want to spend the money, or if it would interfere with my gift to the couple, then I would have to say no. I actually give MORE if Im in the wedding party than if I am not. B/c if I am in the wedding party I am obviously really close to the bride and therefore want to give a great gift to my great friend. They only get married once. The last four weddings I was in I gave b/w $200-$300.

Its a personal choice though and you know what you can do and so does your friend (hopefully).

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Well I agree with what everyone else is saying - I think as someone having a DW I do not expect large expensive gifts from people...they are travelling a long ways to be with us and for some people that is a hardship. I do not expect either of my BM to give us anything - all that they are doing to help me is a huge gift. If you want to give money, I think $50 is more than enough, but if you want something a little more personal, you could look at giving a present to just the bride as a keepsake (like a pendant).

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hat0112 View Post
Well the couple registered but they got everything at the shower. I am not close with them and the only reason I am in the wedding is because we are related and she needed another girl in the wedding (found out after I said yes). I went to 2 other weddings this year in the same family and I am not close with them either and all they got was $50 so she wonâ€t get more than that. I wouldnâ€t be so bitter, but at the bridal shower the mother in law planned the entire thing then asked the bridesmaids for $250 each (there are 7 of us)! She didnâ€t even consult us on any of it and didnâ€t even ask for the money, we were just expected to give it! And the bride knew about all of it. I know being a bridesmaid means paying money, but I also should have a say. The bride and the groom planned the bachelor/ette party too, and that was expensive.
Oh, I feel for you! The fact that your in this sticky situation changes all of the rules. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you would rather save face than save money, then just give them a gift($50/guest is standard in my opinion, especially if your not close). If you cannot afford a gift then just get them a nice card and wish them well with a heartfelt note. Weddings should not be about the gifts anyways!!

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Since it's you and your FI attending I would say at least $100. I've been a BM before and it's a ton of money. But I always feel awkward going to a party empty handed- have you considered buying them a personalized gift for their home? Good luck with whatever you decide!

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