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People keep inviting themselves!!!!! I've had it!

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#31 poohshek

  • Sr. Member
  • 1,456 posts

    Posted 27 December 2009 - 09:49 PM

    I had "Wedding Crasher" buttons made but decided not to give them out. They are for sale if you are interested.


    #32 Kits55

    • Member
    • 607 posts
    • Wedding Location:Secrets Maroma Beach
    • LocationRiviera Maya, Mexico

    Posted 28 December 2009 - 03:42 PM

    If talking to your FI doesn't do the trick then tell him that for every person he says can come along HIS parents will have to pay for. Maybe that will get him to stop letting people invite themselves to your wedding.

    We went through this same thing but I was FIRM, borderline rude probably. I had a number in my head and no one was going over and above the line! lol We did NOT have the money, I wasn't going to put even MORE money on our credit card, and it was MY day.

    The best way I found to deal with people inviting themselves or making references to coming was just to tell them that we were having a very small, family only affair and they would definitely be receiving invites to our AHR. The tricky part is telling people where you'll be and saying they can come to the same resort but then trying to tell them they are NOT invited. That might seem somewhat like a bait and switch to people.

    I think you should either go all the way by inviting to them to all wedding festivities OR just a flat out no, sorry, you can't come is best.

    I thought it would be a great compromise to have people at the resort but not at the wedding and now I realize it's maybe not the greatest idea.

    Good luck on NYE!! I love your Wedding Crasher T-shirt idea...LOLed at that one!

    #33 Samantha

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    • 16 posts

      Posted 29 December 2009 - 10:55 PM

      I wish I had the same problem! I have family and friends saying the probably can't make it and we haven't even decided on a 2010 date yet! We're getting so much push back to have a local wedding it's ridiculous... and most of the push back is from our friends!

      Even though people are inviting themselves, they might back out when it comes to actually booking! Worst case.... be honest when they ask for the resort information. If I were in their shoes, I would appreciate the honesty and understand how you feel. An alternative would be to get your AHR invites ready and give them to your FI to carry around. When people ask if they're invited... he can give them the AHR invite! Message received loud and clear!

      Good luck (and I LOVE the T-Shirts)

      #34 Stina4242

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      • 76 posts

        Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:23 AM

        I have had this type of problem but we just respond with we are trying to keep a small intimate feel. Most people might not completly understand but aren't mad.

        #35 RaychelRae

        • Jr. Member
        • 446 posts

          Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:09 PM

          I totally hear you! Every time I run across a "distant" family member who has heard about our engagement and where we plan to get married, they immediately add, "We can't wait to go to Mexico!" Ummmmm....ya. You are a family member that we see maybe every once every 3-4 years, I don't even remember your name, and we are trying to keep numbers down, so don't be holding your breath for that invite!!

          #36 Raykel

          • Jr. Member
          • 489 posts

            Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:09 PM

            Aw sweetie that sure puts you in an akward position. You definitely need to speak with your FI. It is wonderful all the people want to come and have the vacation but also share in the day. Maybe you can phone the people who were initially on your list (unless you are sending out hard copy invites?) and ensure they all know they are personally invited. Then you guys can either email or post on your website that you are very happy and excited that so many people want to travel with you guys for your big day and are very appreciative...then tell them the wedding ceremony is open to everyone and at 1100pm (or whenever your reception is over) everyone can meet up at one of the resort discos/bars to continue celebrating together, but the actual wedding dinner and reception is a small intimate affair of only 30 (or however many you are planning) family member with a few very close friends (or just say family and if anyone asks about the friends going you can say they are so close to you and your FI you consider them family). I don't know if you are doing an AHR, but you can tell people that is what you are considering the after 1100pm party....similar to the AHR.

            Good luck!

            #37 Rainfall

            • Jr. Member
            • 165 posts

              Posted 01 January 2010 - 05:25 PM

              Lol diamondpooch.. I love the wedding crasher idea.

              I've had similar problems but capped it at 30 people. Now what do you do when second and third family members start inviting themselves??

              #38 lalanyc

              • Jr. Member
              • 363 posts

                Posted 09 February 2010 - 07:43 PM

                Originally Posted by diamondpooch
                My fianc©e knows a lot of people. Every time we are out people keep coming up to us complaining they didn't get an invitation! How rude! Of course my FI feels bad and awkward so he tells them I'll send them an email with the info to book. We wanted a smallish wedding with only our close friends and family and now it's getting ridiculous! How do I gently ask my fianc©e to stop inviting people without making it seem like I'm being mean to his friends?
                Also how do I make it known to people that it's not ok to just ask someone to come to their wedding? Even my bridesmaids are telling me stories of people coming up to them while they are out saying "oh ya, I think I might go down to Mexico for that wedding too." What? They're not even invited!
                I'm already at 53 which is way more than I wanted and my mom just can't afford all this! Also for every extra person I have to make more programs, OOT bags, etc and that costs me money I don't have!
                I wish I could afford to have all these people down there but I can't! Help!
                Diamondpooch, what did you end up doing? Have you sent your invitations yet and if so, did you include the "crashers"??

                Shortly after I sent the resort information to my family, they started inviting ALL their friends!!! We've also had several of our own friends approach us assuming they would be invited (err, no.). I ended up sending a firm but gently worded email to the culprits letting them know that only the people that WE invited were, well, invited. Granted, your fiance was a culprit in this case (doh!!) so I'm hoping you guys got this resolved asap!

                #39 bnbrmy

                • Jr. Member
                • 218 posts

                  Posted 09 February 2010 - 08:08 PM

                  I am on the same boat. We told everyone we want to come in person instead of doing invites. And so many people have come up asking me which hotel WE ARE ALL staying in and how much it's going to cost them. It makes me want to scream! and we are oing a very tiny wedding for many reasons. After everything we have to have we are borderline broke and then I'm inforned more people are coming, were I have to pay for their meal at the reception, we have booked a little whale watching thing for all of our guests and all kinds of other little stuff. Now I have to pay for additional people! I am pulling my hair out! And the thing about it is all the people are living hand to mouth, when FI and I went last sept, it cost us $10000, I don't see how any of these people are going to afford it, so I don't know if I should let my WC know about added guests or just wait for them to realize they have no money, AND what if they end up saving the money?!?

                  AHH, my heart breaks for you, because if you are anything like me you are ready to snap. lol. I hope everything works out, and if they aren't that close I would just say let go and let god! if they want a vacation do it another time. It's truly annoying how people can just assume they are invited somewhere.
                  good luck girl!

                  #40 TaniBBurwell

                  • Newbie
                  • 57 posts

                    Posted 11 February 2010 - 05:11 AM

                    This is what happened to my FI and I:

                    We sent out 75 invitations. However, we told our guests that they could bring as many guests as they want. We decided to not cap the guest list because we already knew that many folks who received an invitation would not be able to attend (due to finances, family fueds, fear of flying, etc.) You know, the people that you need to invite to prevent further family drama.

                    After we sent out the invitations, so many other folks started to ask for their OWN invitations. My aunt asked me if I can send out a seperate invitation to her friend (someone I didn't know). Needless to say, it was very easy to put my foot down and say no. But it worked out because this friend is coming to the wedding under my aunt's invitation.

                    I had a couple of college friends that requested an invitation. They would have been on the original guest list, but they always flaked out on me when it came to important events. Therefore, I felt they were not worthy of the invitation (at the end, they cost approximately $10 per invite). Instead, I sent them all the information for the wedding via e-mail. Of course, those friends declined my e-mail invite.

                    My FI was not so lucky. My FI got into an argument with my FMIL because we did not send a seperate invitation to her ex-SIL. Mind you- this is a woman whom I have never met during the 5.5 years of our relationship. I guess she really wanted to go because after my FI sent her the info via e-mail, she said that she will attend.

                    My FI also had a little conflict with is grandmother. She requested another invitation for her friend. And this is a woman my FI did not know well at all. My FI said no, thus causing even more conflict between him and his mom.

                    I am envious that you have a lot of guests attending your wedding. However, it's your wedding. Many guests lose sight of that. They think that no harm will be caused if you approve of them inviting themselves. However, they fail to realize the extra financial burden that you and your FI will ultimately bear.

                    In a polite and respectful way, tell these wedding crashers that the wedding and reception is only for invited close friends and family. You should also inform these wedding crashers that hotel security will not permit anyone who is not on the guest list.

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