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BMs aren't asking about throwing a shower ~ what should I do?

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#1 jackobelle

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    Posted 05 December 2009 - 09:40 PM

    Hi ladies!

    I have 3 bridesmaids (no MOH) and they casually mentioned a few months ago about wanting to have a shower & bachelorette for me....well my wedding is in 3 months and that was it. I think they might have forgotten. What should I do? My MIL is going to have a family shower for me, but the BMs were going to do the friend shower. How can I politely remind them that time is running out and they need to get on it?

    Also, how involved is the bride supposed to be in her own shower? Do I have to help plan or purchase the food etc?


    #2 debbmach

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      Posted 05 December 2009 - 09:49 PM

      Ohhhh, that's a tough one. I'm not really sure how to handle that. Maybe you should bring up your family shower in front of them, saying something about how where your MIL is going to have it etc and then talk about you have to go to the store to register (unless you've already done that, then you could just bring up the registry in a different way). Hope this way helpful, hopefully the others will have some bright ideas. Good luck!

      58 people booked...and counting!!!

      #3 frazali

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        Posted 06 December 2009 - 12:08 AM

        Are you sure that they're not throwing a surprise shower for you? And are you sure that they were definitely planning on throwing you a 2nd shower? Just to make sure, you can always ask them in a nonchalant way if they were still planning on throwing one.

        As far as the bride's involvement, typically you would just give them a list of folks to invite to the shower/bachelorette party. I've not heard of a bride paying for the food or planning her own shower.

        #4 diamondpooch

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          Posted 06 December 2009 - 11:16 AM

          Well, it depends on how important having the shower is to you. If it's important than I would be nervous to just cross my fingers and hope they throw you one. It's such a hard one!

          #5 **~Linda~**

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            Posted 06 December 2009 - 11:43 AM

            I agree with the above poster. It all depends on if a shower is super important to you or not. They may be planning a surprise or maybe thought that your MIL shower would be the same thing. Maybe ask your MIL really really carefully if your BM's have contacted her about joining in the showers?

            #6 jackobelle

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              Posted 06 December 2009 - 01:12 PM

              I am 99% sure it is not a surprise shower my BMs are friends from out of town and wouldn't know who to invite. They also don't know that my MIL offered to have a shower for family as we just recetly spoke about it and I haven't told them.

              A friend shower is important to me. Not for the gifts, but everyone in our group of friends who has gotten married has had one (or more) and I went to all of them including 2 of my BMs. Since quite a few of my friends can't come to our DW (it is mostly family coming) I would like to "feel like a bride" and celebrate my upcoming marriage with my girls.

              My BMs are busy with work right now and one is planning her own wedding, so I honestly think they meant to plan a shower for me, but are so wrapped up in their own lives that they just forgot. Maybe I could gently remind them....they are my BFFs afterall....say something like, "so we talked about a shower a few months ago, and I have finally narrowed down a guest list. Do you want the addresses?" What do you think?

              Fazali, as far as the bride's involvement, that's what I thought - thanks - so I don't think it is appropriate for me to plan the shower with my BMs other than give them the guest list & addresses.

              #7 carolina24

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                Posted 06 December 2009 - 01:28 PM

                I would mention the family shower and let the conversation lead to what you said..."here's the guest list I have". I understand that everyone has things going on in their lives, but I'm a firm believer that when you accept the invite for being a BM, you accept the responsibilites as well!!

                #8 **~Linda~**

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                  Posted 06 December 2009 - 01:32 PM

                  Agree with Carolina on that go with mentioning the family shower first see where it leads up.

                  #9 diamondpooch

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                    Posted 06 December 2009 - 11:17 PM

                    I don't blame you for wanting a shower. It's just one of the parts of getting married that creates memories! It's all about the total experience! I would straight out ask my MOH, but she's my best friend and pretty much my sister so I would have no problem jokingly asking her, "So, you throwing me a shower or what?!" and then we would laugh about it. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your friends so it's hard to advise! What I do suggest is don't be so passive and nervous to offend that you let it slip by and get no shower at all.

                    #10 *Lo*

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                      Posted 06 December 2009 - 11:34 PM

                      I was just thinking that even if it's not a surprise shower, could it be that they are just planning to have it closer to your wedding? I have always been to showers for friends that were about 3-4 weeks before the actual wedding, and was given about 3 weeks notice. So perhaps they are just waiting until the holiday crazyness is over? I would think if they started getting organized in early Jan there is plenty of time to coordinate everything!

                      If you are seriously worried they will forget maybe you could just ask when they were thinking of having it? I mean clearly it has to be on a date that you are all available, so I don't think that's being pushy since obvi the point of a shower for you would be that you were actually present at it!

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