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Helping Family Financially

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#1 sweetiecat

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    Posted 02 December 2009 - 04:26 PM

    I'm a little worried about booking our DW since I'm not sure if my parents will be able to afford to come. My mom is certain they will be able to save up the money to come, but I'm worried that an unexpected expense will come up before the final payment is due, and it will either cause them to stay home or make it hard for them to come along. I've offered to make up the difference between the money they save and the total cost, but I won't be able to afford more than half of their (hers, my dad's, and my teenaged brother's) trip. A lot of our other relatives and friends are interested in coming to the DW, but we would have a small AHR picnic for those that couldn't attend. The only people I'm really concerned about attending the actual ceremony are our parents and siblings, since I wouldn't want to cause any long-lasting hurt feelings. Anyone else that booked would be a bonus.

    If we didn't do a DW, we would probably just upgrade the picnic we would have for the AHR but wouldn't spend a ton on an at-home wedding. I talked to my mom about our choices and just her know what I am able to contribute to their trip, but I'm giving her veto power on the DW because of the level of risk that they may not be able to make it. I know she really wants to make it happen since she's never been out of the country before and, of course, wants to party on a tropical island. :)

    Has anyone else been in my situation? Am I being selfish for wanting a destination wedding when I know that it may be hard for my parents to save (the wedding would be 14+ months away)? If you've had a similar situation, what did you do to help your parents make it, if anything? If your parents weren't able to come, were there any lasting consequences? Did you regret helping or not helping your family to attend?

    Thanks for listening guys - I've been a little stressed out about this lately. I know the destination wedding, once we make our plans, will cause me less stress (since I will be going with a package deal with just a couple of extras) - compared to planning a wedding with more people from a few states away.

    #2 creoletexan

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      Posted 02 December 2009 - 05:11 PM

      I don't think you are being selfish. This is your wedding! Your special day. I say do what you want! I personally believe 14 months is more than enough time to save up for to come, and it includes at least one tax season, i.e. tax refund. If all our parents make it, it would certainly be a surprise. My father and my husband's mother weren't the best parents and aren't very dependable. Two days after my dad said he was coming he asked me to cosign for $1500. My MIL called last week to borrow money for a water bill she hasn't paid in 4 months. Now my mother, she can definitely afford it, but claims she may or may not come so I'm not raising my hopes on her. However, my FIL is definitely coming since we are paying for his plane ticket, his one-week stay in the Bahamas, and his suit for the wedding since he my husband's best man. My husband was raised by his dad so they have the best father-son relationship. I say it depends on your relationship with the parents whether you will regret it and what's important to you, for me.. I won't regret it at all. The most important people on my side that must come is my uncle and 2 of my brothers, however, one of those 2 will be stationed in Korea (Air Force), so it's just my younger brother. If it comes down to it, I would help my younger brother, but I haven't told him since if I did, he won't even attempt to save any money to pay his own way. Now, I have friends and co-workers who are excited come, and I may even end up with more friends than family, which is perfectly fine with me.

      #3 shellk

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        Posted 02 December 2009 - 05:30 PM

        i totally understand that is why there is only us and our 2 best friends.we didnt invite anyone else for money reasons therefore no one will get upset if he can come or he cant come.

        we are having big mexican themed ahr when we come back to enjoy it with our families

        #4 vlynnw

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          Posted 02 December 2009 - 05:34 PM

          You aren't being selfish at all. Currently my parents are in a tight financial situation and it's not that they don't want to come to my wedding but I don't know if they can make it. I honestly can't pay for them but I'm trying to at least pay for their passports. I know what you're going through but as long as they are supportive I don't think it's a problem at all.
          Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

          #5 sweetiecat

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            Posted 02 December 2009 - 06:40 PM

            Thanks, guys! This really helps me realize that I'm not completely off base here.

            Also, I hadn't even thought of the tax refund money. That's a great idea! I talked to her about using the money they get from my grandparents each Christmas but hadn't thought about the extra tax refund money that they could add in. I'm much more confident this could work out.

            For anyone else who happens to be reading - I'm still interested if you contributed financially (hotel, air, both, passports, whatever) if you had family that may have had a hard time otherwise.

            #6 Jessica

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              Posted 02 December 2009 - 09:01 PM

              I knew my mom and brother were going to have a hard time paying for airfare and hotel as well as one of my cousins, so I helped them out. I helped my mom and bro out with partial hotel costs and I bought them a $100 gift certificate to the hotel's resturants. I helped my cousin pay for half of her air and hotel expenses and gave her a gc as well.

              #7 JuneWeddingDreams

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                Posted 02 December 2009 - 11:32 PM

                You are not being selfish at all! My FI sister and her 3 kids couldn't afford to go but it is the closest family member on my FI side so we agreed to pay for their entire trip for her and her 3 kids. Its going to be tight for awhile but for us it worth having them there. Not everyone can afford to do that but I think if you have offered to help in some way they should be able to save in the 14+ months you have given them.
                Rob and Lindsey

                24 Booked + Bride and Groom


                #8 debbmach

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                • 1,457 posts

                  Posted 02 December 2009 - 11:41 PM

                  I know how you feel. FI's parents are in the same boat. They say they'll be able to save up enough money (getting married Jan 2011) but my FI and I have our doubts. We're prepared to help them pay for it. It's important for both of us that they're there. I think if it's someone you really to be at your wedding then you have to be prepared to help them pay for it. It's not fair to expect them to pay for a trip that you know they can't afford..on the other kind, I wouldn't give them all the money. They do have to show that they are saving up some money for it. Good luck with your decision.

                  58 people booked...and counting!!!

                  #9 sweetiecat

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                  • 186 posts

                    Posted 03 December 2009 - 06:32 PM

                    Thanks, everyone. I talked to my mom again today, and we've decided to do the DW. Jamaica, here we come!

                    #10 bholthof

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                      Posted 04 December 2009 - 01:26 PM


                      We are paying for FI sister to go - she doesn't have a job and her boyfriend is in school, so he isn't working enough. We couldnt care less if he was there - so for Christmas and her birthday we are paying for her to come.

                      We are also PROBABLY going to have to help FI's mom and little brother to go. We think she can afford to pay for her own trip, but probably can't pay for all of the brothers.

                      I think if you can afford it, and if they REALLY need the help (have been trying to save but legitimate stuff keeps coming up) then do it. Especially if you really want to have them there.
                      21 people + Bride & Groom booked!!


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