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alittlebitwee

my mother is driving me CRAZY

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Wow!! 2015 is a long ways away... 2012 is lots of extra time for her to adapt I would say! Definitely stick to your choices - this is about you and your FI. It is not like you are 17 and announced your marriage and with 3 1/2 years dating I would think she has had lots of time to see this coming! I have had the exact opposite problem from everyone including my FI! When I suggested fall 2010 as a date he was surprised and thought we would get married this Feb or Mar after getting engaged in Oct! Ahhh, the simplicity of boy's minds sometimes... I explained that wasn't going to work and since we have both waited 30 odd years before getting married another year or so wasn't going to make much difference!

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I'm sorry your mother is having such a hard time adjusting. My dad was the same way at first in that he and my step mom feel we are rushing to get married(a year engagement isn't really rushing is it?) and he wants me to wait at least a couple years before getting married until we are finished with school. Well, considering I'm not even in school at the moment and don't have any immediate plans of going back...that's not gonna happen. The way I see it, you want to get married. You've chosen each other. And you're going to be together so why does it matter to her that you aren't married for those 3-5 years she wants you to wait? If its an issue with your FI or with the relationship than she should be honest with you and say it. And if you have been with him for 3+ years, you obviously don't feel the same way about it.

 

You only mention your mom, maybe this is why she doesn't want you to get married and it has nothing to do with it being too soon but with her not agreeing with marriage? In that case it's a whole other issue entirely. And that is her issue, not yours. If you want to get married then do it, whether it be 2011 or 2015. If she's not going to support you in your decision if you do it tomorrow then she's not going to in 2015, she's just stalling so she doesn't have to deal with it.

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Wow, that really sucks. It's such an outlandish request though that it's kinda funny! I agree with the other girls that there has to be a deeper issue here, and blaming the date is just easier that speaking what is really bothering her. The fact is, she needs to deal with the fact that you're marrying this man be it in 2 or 5 years, so she has to get used to the idea!

 

Good luck, hang in there!

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I think you've been so accomodating already to move your wedding to 2012 for her! It definitely sounds like there is something going on here (as you mentioned possibly her feeling a lack of control, or not liking your FI that much). I wonder if you could have a heart to heart with her and explain how you're feeling, and ask her what's going on for her? I think you should definitely stick to your guns and have your wedding when you want, but I also know from my own experience of having a less than enthusiastic mom that it can be a downer to your whole wedding planning experience! I think you should let her know how confused and frustrated you are feeling, and see what can be done to bring her on board for your 2012 wedding. Good luck!!!

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I could see my mom being the same way if I was getting married at 23. She was married young and it didn't work out, is your mom the same? My now hubby and I have been together since I was 24 and I knew right away I wanted to marry him but I didn't want to get married before I was 30 (I'm now 31). I was so worried I would change too much as a person to love the same man at 30 that I did at 24. I know it might seem odd but coming from a broken home I wanted to make sure this was it. Plus we didn't want to have kids so the marriage to us could wait.

 

However if you feel he's the one and you guys have already been together for a few years just sit down with your mom and talk it out. Let her know you're making the right decision for you and it's yours to make. If she has any concerns let her air them and listen without being defensive. Sometimes mom's know what they're talking about and other times they just don't want to let go. But at least if you hear her out it might help but I'd agree with the other ladies and say go for what you think is right. I'm impressed you're willing to wait until 2012 and can actually pick a place now for so far in advance!!

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Hmm, my guess is also that she probably thinks you're too young?? I think your compromise of moving the date to 2012 is HUGE though! Once she sees you're still willing to go through the wedding after more than TWO YEARS of being engaged, how can she say it's not right? Don't worry - there is plenty of time for the idea to sink in for her!

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So I have a different take on things. Is it possible that your mom wants you to wait so long so that she can save up money? Either for her own personal expenses, or to help you out? It might be something to take into consideration. Although still not valid reason for postponing your wedding for three years, it's a possibility.

 

I feel your pain regarding other people trying to make you feel bad about your big day. My FI's brother flat out told us that if he had to pay to go to Mexico for our wedding, he didn't know if he was going to go. I would understand if this had come from someone who didn't have a lot of money, but he is very well off and even just bought a boat! gah

 

My step-mother has given me great advice that I think you should follow as well "This is your wedding, you do whatever you want." She's right... while it's nice to try to accommodate others and listen to their opinions, not everyone is going to be happy, and ultimately you get to decide whatever you want!

 

Have a great wedding day, and don't let others spoil it wink.gif

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I agree with the others. ..your wedding, do what you want! My FMIL isn't happy about the beach wedding since its not in a church. I told my FI that she's already had 2 weddings of her own ...this ones ours and we make the plans. He agreed!

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Are you really young? I mean this sounds ridiculous and I would not have changed. You are paying for it, all she has to do is show up.... If it was my mom I would tell her to get over it.

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I didn't have such a big problem as you. But when I switch from an in town wedding to a DW.. I can say she didn't talk to me for a few days (this is a woman who calls me every night still to wish me a good night.. I am her only child) We did this about a year ago.. now our wedding is in 3 months.. My mom is the most excited out of everyone, and they were the first to book their trip (my parents have never been to a vacation out south)

So just give it time, and she will come around, I am sure of it.

2015, LOL!!!!! 2 years of an engagement has been enough, in my opinion.. any friend who gets in engaged I tell them not to wait to long to get married cause then it just stretches out, get's annoying and frustrating.

Good luck xoxo

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