my mother is driving me CRAZY

[alittlebitwee]

Hey guys, i just need some advise on what i should do! I was proposed to a few months ago, and we wanted to get married in February of 2011. My mom thought that was the worst idea ever and WAY too soon (?? WHY! ITS OVER A YEAR!) so to be accomodating, we pushed back the date to Feb of 2012. Keep in mind that FI and I are paying for this wedding all on our own- no help. So we booked the resort and started sending out the save the dates. I warned my mom that that was our date and she said "ok babe that is great" I sent a save the date to their house and.... WAMMMMMMMMMMMMM she lost it. she is telling me she refuses to go to the wedding unless it is in.... 2015. 2015! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WE WOULD BE ENGAGED FOR SIX YEARS! what the heck!

help me

[amygirl1169]

Oh wow, that is FAR away! I say stick to your date and your mom will come around...she has PLENTY of time to warm up to it!

 

My sister/MOH was kind of like that too... she asked why we were getting married so quickly (even though it will be over 1 yr since we got engaged) but I guess some people just think differently...

 

She also said that the timing is not good for her since she's in school. Well, I have new for her, it's not her wedding! I have repeatedly given her the opportunity to back out of MOH, but she insists on doing it.

 

Good luck to you!

[MomentsThatMatter]

The joys of parenting... and being parent-ed! Your mom is just going thru a transition of losing her little girl. She loves you and its hard to let go. My suggestion is to continue on the path that feels right to you and she will hopefully see the joy and love in your life and come around.

Have fun... and stay true to your heart.

[breeze616]

Wow! thats weird.. is it because you and your FI havent been dating very long?

[alittlebitwee]

my FI and i have been together for 3 1/2 years. sigh

[Jennybell1]

Does she not like your FI or something?? Is she wanting this to be so far down the road bc she thinks you will come to your senses or something?? Or does she think your too young?? I dont know why she is asking for 2015, but as the other brides have said - stick with your date - its your wedding, your paying for it and she will come around and warm up to the idea. Good Luck!!

[Quietstorm]

Tell her she can be there in 2015, when you renew your vows!!!!

[echo2_62]

While we didn't get nearly the amount of reaction as you've had, we did have some people ask why we were getting married so quickly - just eight months after getting engaged. Our answer was short and sweet - because that's when we want to! Neither of us wanted a long engagement at all and figured that it was still enough time for planning and for everyone to be able to afford it without too much trouble. Along with some other hiccups, it was also suggested that perhaps we should change our wedding date so that it would be more accommodating for some of the guests (family) that were going to be invited. We didn't change it.

 

To me, it honestly sounds like your mom has other issues with the engagement and your wedding that extend beyond the dates that you've chosen. I think you've been understanding enough to have postponed it by an entire year already (something I know that I couldn't have done!) so for her to ask for an additional three years just seems beyond a reasonable request. I would try to sit down with her and see if she can honestly give you some answers as to why she feels you need to wait so long and to why she seemed to be okay with 2012 at first but then changed her mind yet again. You may need to be blunt about the fact that in the end it is your wedding and you are paying for it therefore you get to make the decisions, but at the same time let her know that you want her to be a part of it along the way (if you do want her involved) and that you really hope over the two years she'll find a way to be comfortable with the wedding date as it is.

 

I hope you're able to work through it all! What a difficult way to start off your engagement.

[BachataBride]

Wowzers! I say do what you want. Yes, take other people's thoughts & comments into consideration (which you already did by moving it to 2012!) and then do what YOU and FI think is best for the both of you! 2015!!! OMG!!

[alittlebitwee]

My mom and I are the best of friends. this is very out of character for her. i think it might be a mix of not liking my FI that much and a lack of control. Since she isnt giving us any money, i dont feel a need to go her way on things. For example, she wants a very traditional set up and I wany very relaxed and she was upset with me for saying that. she wants me to wear a white dress i dont want white. things like that. I am 23 right now so I will be about to turn 26 when we get married. if we waited 5 years i would be about to turn 28 or 29 depending. it doesnt make sense. I am going to take all of your advise and tell her I am getting married the date my FI and I picked and she can get over it. I like the idea of saying she can come with us in 5 years for the renewal