breakup or forgive & not forget
Posted 21 November 2009 - 12:53 AM
this whole thing is nuts i swear like movie type shit, and i come from such a calm peaceful home like how the hell did i get all this lol
Posted 21 November 2009 - 01:52 AM
Posted 21 November 2009 - 04:44 AM
I am so sorry that you are going through this mess. I was engaged in past. We dated for 3 years and were engaged for 9 months before I called it off. He also had an addiction: alcohol. I started finding out about lies and things he was keeping from me. I am in so much debt b/c of him. I loved him so much and I wanted to make things work. He started therapy and things got better. I moved to GA before him to get things going and it was horrible. I still didn't trust him (and I was right not to). I found out he had lied to me about work and other things basically the whole time I was in GA. I finally called things off (1 month before the wedding). Everything was booked. I had my dress, people were coming from out of the country. I had a lot of guilty feelings not only b/c of our guests, but b/c of my parents (who had paid for everything up to this point). My parents were VERY supportive when I told them I couldn't go through with it. It was the hardest thing I've ever, ever had to do and it took a loooonnng time to get over all of it; the disappointment, lying, trust issues, etc. BUT it is the BEST decision I could have made!!!
To sum up (lol) He has to completely work through his addiction before he can be a good partner, the type of husband you deserve. After my failed engagement I live by this motto: I'd rather be alone than in bad company.
Good luck honey. Please, please, please think this through very very well. If that little voice in your head says walk away, you need to do it.
Posted 21 November 2009 - 05:33 AM
This is the worst position to be in and my heart goes out to you. I don't think you should give up but I do think you need to postpone the wedding and get counseling and work on building trust back into your relationship. I know you want your wedding to be the happiest day of your life but how can it be if these issues are looming over your head?
Good luck honey.
Posted 21 November 2009 - 11:40 AM
just so mixed up
Posted 21 November 2009 - 11:55 AM
I just wanted to check in & see how things are going with you. I just feel awful for you & wish there was something I could do.
There is some very sound advice going on here. I think you should pay attention to what you said before - that if it wasn't a DW you'd cancel it. Maybe explore that a little more. I understand you feel pressure b/c guests have booked, but you can't let that decide for you whether to carry on or not. People coming to your wedding obviously care a great deal about you so they will understand if you cancel. Like precious said, above, you want your wedding day to be the happiest occasion and to be giving yourselves to one another without reservation. This is your life & it sounds like you have great instincts. If you have strong reservations you need to listen to & trust those instincts.
I'm glad his parents are supportive of you. Of course they love you & want you to marry their son, but just be careful not to let them manipulate you with their emotions. You have enough to worry about without the added guilt.
I really think counseling is a good idea too. Have you talked about that at all? Is he open to it? Gambling, like any addiction, is really hard (if not impossible) to quit without help. Does he even think he has a problem or is it just that he got caught? If he didn't get caught this time, would he continue to place these bets? What would it take for him to recognize there's a problem?
I know you must feel you're in a sh*t storm right now, but try to do something to nurture yourself. Take a long walk, work on a hobby, get a pedicure; do something you enjoy. You need to take care of yourself & do a little something to temporarily take your mind off all of this. Sometimes a little distance can help you gain some clarity.
Posted 21 November 2009 - 12:23 PM
im going nuts, besides dealing with this, finishing up my masters this semester(due to graduate in dec) so i have 3 classes that are all consuming, papers up the ass and feel like im just gonna break..literally, and my mom keeps asking if everything is ok i dont want to tell her obviously.
counseling might be a good idea but then again that takes time and this wedding is 3mths away, and i know everyone would understand but that doesnt take away from my guilt knowing people have spent so much money with intention of attending UGH. im smoking cigs like a chimney this is just nuts
Posted 21 November 2009 - 12:30 PM
You need to put all the other people out of the picture and focus what is best for you.
Sending you hugs!!!! Your strong you'll get through this.
Posted 21 November 2009 - 01:17 PM
Posted 21 November 2009 - 01:21 PM
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