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Guest assumes they can bring someone


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#31 classadiva

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    Posted 07 December 2009 - 07:56 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TonyandTricia
    I agree with others that since it is a destination wedding I wouldn't ever expect anyone to come alone...even if they do know other people there. If my fiance isn't invited to something that I am paying over $1000 to go to I'm probably not going. If my guests are paying that much money I want them to feel comfortable and be with their significant others or whomever they want to share the trip with...because let's face it....yes, we are getting married there, but to them this is a vacation!!! My wedding just happens to also be going on! My family is planning their golf schedules and I had to remind them that they can't golf on Friday...that's the day I'm getting married! Haha! I think you have to consider them and their investments that they are making to come to your wedding.

    If you really don't want them there, you should put on the RSVP that "_____ number of seats have been reserved in your honor." This is what we are going for the AHR so that Mr. and Mrs. Jones don't bring their four kids!! But for the wedding, we are not excluding anyone.

    Part of the problem is that our website just has a general request for RSVP's...totally my fault and not the fault of my guests. I like the language that you selected here...I am going to have to do something like this for our invites. Just to be clear...significant others are invited....other plus ones...are not. This is something that can quickly get out of hand. Not knowing if I am going to have 100 or 50 people means that I have to tow the line very carefully.

    The whole thing is enough to make you drink. We have folks whom are not invited practically begging to attend while others whom were actually invited have said nothing!! It's crazy....I can't imagine how nuts it becomes as the date grows closer.

    A friend of my FI's mother whom was invited as a courtesy because my FI's mother knew that she would not attend, has asked if her son and his friend can go in her place !!! I think NOT!!! LOL We are not just throwing some random party here....we are celebrating a lifetime union!! WHAT are some people thinking?

    #32 Raykel

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      Posted 08 December 2009 - 02:27 AM

      Quote:
      A friend of my FI's mother whom was invited as a courtesy because my FI's mother knew that she would not attend, has asked if her son and his friend can go in her place !!! I think NOT!!! LOL We are not just throwing some random party here....we are celebrating a lifetime union!! WHAT are some people thinking?
      Seriously? What was she thinking....I mean I get asking to bring a guest but RSVP-ing with people not even invited going in her stead? That sounds like someone trying to take advantage to me. No one would do that for a wedding you were having at home, she should not have even asked. If they want to go with the group rate, fine, but wedding guests instead of her? LOL....The sheer audacity of some people.

      #33 *kellis*

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        Posted 08 December 2009 - 03:37 AM

        I just read this article on The Knot and it helped a little. Obviously it's a bit different with a DW in that people don't want to travel alone but some of the more confusing and not as cut and dry situations(someone wanting to bring their entire family including kids vs. inviting random friends with them).

        http://wedding.thekn...-p...r 07, 2009
        http://davf.daisypath.com/Pw5um7.png
        (Formerly "Future Mrs. Kt Ellis")

        I love being a wife!

        #34 mrscheeze

        mrscheeze
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          Posted 08 December 2009 - 04:56 AM

          i think that anybody who is flying that far to be at your wedding should be able to bring a guest so that they could be more comfortable and enjoy there time there, because other than the wedding day you will probably want alot of alone time with your FI/husband. and also it is cheaper for people to have double occupancy. good luck i hope it all works out

          #35 mrscheeze

          mrscheeze
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            Posted 08 December 2009 - 05:01 AM

            i only invited family and close friends and gave only people i wanted the TA info to book. well my TA emailed me a list of people who booked and there were 2 people on there i didnt even know! it turns out the were friends of my Fi aunt who were on a bowling league with her!!! to say the least i was pissed. i didnt even know these people enough to recognize their name and to top it of i had met them one and they were obnoxiously drunk and said something really innapropriate and rude to me! i have no idea how to hadle this situation and i feel bad because it has put my TA in an awkward situation as well. i think we have basically decided that we cant stop them from coming but they are not welcome at the wedding or reception

            #36 Raykel

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              Posted 08 December 2009 - 08:44 AM

              Mrscheeze....I would get their contact info from the TA and then call them or send a really polite email. You could let them know you got the booking info from the agent and saw they were on there....maybe mention you are glad they will be able to get a vacation with your Aunt and that you were in touch with the WC who offered to help them set something up for the day of the wedding so they did not feel left out when everyone else from the group was at your wedding. That way it is not really subtle, but it is not a kick in the teeth either that they are not welcome at your actual wedding on the day of.

              Good luck!

              #37 classadiva

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                Posted 08 December 2009 - 11:53 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by mrscheeze
                i think that anybody who is flying that far to be at your wedding should be able to bring a guest so that they could be more comfortable and enjoy there time there, because other than the wedding day you will probably want alot of alone time with your FI/husband. and also it is cheaper for people to have double occupancy. good luck i hope it all works out
                Thank you for your comments. One thing I can say is that I was pretty confident in the decisions I made on this issue until I received some of the answers that I did here!! LOL You live and learn!! That's okay...would I do things differently...not sure...but I do recognize that this is not a cut and dry issue since so many others have thoughts on this different than what I was thinking.

                Luckily...so far...the two that asked to bring guests and were told no by me are rooming with other friends that are coming. One is still bringing her sister...knowing that she can't come to the wedding events.

                #38 classadiva

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                  Posted 08 December 2009 - 11:56 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by mrscheeze
                  i only invited family and close friends and gave only people i wanted the TA info to book. well my TA emailed me a list of people who booked and there were 2 people on there i didnt even know! it turns out the were friends of my Fi aunt who were on a bowling league with her!!! to say the least i was pissed. i didnt even know these people enough to recognize their name and to top it of i had met them one and they were obnoxiously drunk and said something really innapropriate and rude to me! i have no idea how to hadle this situation and i feel bad because it has put my TA in an awkward situation as well. i think we have basically decided that we cant stop them from coming but they are not welcome at the wedding or reception
                  This is why I will ask for the rooming lists on a constant basis. If I were you, I would tell the FI to contact the aunt and tell her the situation. Let her explain this to her friends...this is her doing. Anytime you choose to invite people that are not invited...you should contact the host and ask if this is okay. WIth respect to the TA, in the future, have her/him contact you BEFORE they book anyone not on your list. Of course they want the commission, of course your FI's aunt wants to do what she wants to do...but this is YOUR wedding!! Period. Don't feel bad about a thing.

                  #39 classadiva

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                    Posted 08 December 2009 - 12:02 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Raykel
                    Seriously? What was she thinking....I mean I get asking to bring a guest but RSVP-ing with people not even invited going in her stead? That sounds like someone trying to take advantage to me. No one would do that for a wedding you were having at home, she should not have even asked. If they want to go with the group rate, fine, but wedding guests instead of her? LOL....The sheer audacity of some people.
                    Seriously...as my Mom would say...some people have more nerve than good sense!! I do agree..if folks want to use the group rate with the understanding that extra folks are not invited to any wedding events...I have no problem with that at all.

                    #40 butterflyweddinggal84

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                      Posted 08 December 2009 - 05:21 PM

                      we are inviting everyone with a guest because if i were in that position i would not want to travel alone to a foreign country and figure out transportation from the airport and all that stuff.




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