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Sister in law help!


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#41 Cindy*

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    Posted 15 March 2010 - 09:14 AM

    I can relate to your story and understand where you are coming from. My sister just told me that she is pregnant and won't be attending our wedding. She is 7 weeks pregnant and due on October 30 (2 days after my wedding). My sister was my maid of honour. Now that she is pregnant, neither my sister, my mother or my grandmother are coming to my wedding. My mom feels that this is my sister's first baby and that takes priority over my wedding. My grandmother is not comfortable travelling if my mom is not coming. Fine, I understand why they are choosing the baby over my wedding but it is still extremely upsetting to me.

    My sister has not even apologized, no sorry that I can't attend your wedding, sorry that mom and grandma aren't going to be able to make it either. Nothing. I know my mom is very upset and feels conflicted but what can she do. She has said that she will still book a ticket to fly in the day before the wedding and leave the day after and that if my sister hasn't had the baby yet, she will be there for the wedding day. My sister's reaction was that she was pissed off at my mom for saying she would try to be there for my wedding (for one day) because what if she had the baby the day my mom was gone.

    The hardest part is that my sister is not telling anyone about her pregnancy yet. She had a miscarriage a couple years ago so doesn't want to say anything until after 3 months. So now I am in the position that I essentially have to lie. I can't tell anyone that my sister, mom and grandma aren't coming to the wedding. Instead I have to pretend like they are. I can't tell anyone that I don't have a maid of honour anymore. We went shopping for my bm dresses on Saturday and my sister still came and pretended like she would be in the wedding so no one would know. It was extremely difficult for me.

    It is not that I am not happy for my sister. She wants a baby, she has for a long time. Its just I would feel more happy for her if she was in a stable relationship. The reality is she has only been dating this guy for 7 months. He has 2 other children from 2 different women (including a 9 month old baby). I think my sister's only attraction to him in the first place was that he had kids and she desparately wants them. I fear that by the time the baby is born, she will be alone and the reality of single motherhood will not match up with the fantasy she has of having a baby.

    #42 jo&delo2010

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      Posted 26 March 2010 - 12:28 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Cindy*
      I can relate to your story and understand where you are coming from. My sister just told me that she is pregnant and won't be attending our wedding. She is 7 weeks pregnant and due on October 30 (2 days after my wedding). My sister was my maid of honour. Now that she is pregnant, neither my sister, my mother or my grandmother are coming to my wedding. My mom feels that this is my sister's first baby and that takes priority over my wedding. My grandmother is not comfortable travelling if my mom is not coming. Fine, I understand why they are choosing the baby over my wedding but it is still extremely upsetting to me.

      My sister has not even apologized, no sorry that I can't attend your wedding, sorry that mom and grandma aren't going to be able to make it either. Nothing. I know my mom is very upset and feels conflicted but what can she do. She has said that she will still book a ticket to fly in the day before the wedding and leave the day after and that if my sister hasn't had the baby yet, she will be there for the wedding day. My sister's reaction was that she was pissed off at my mom for saying she would try to be there for my wedding (for one day) because what if she had the baby the day my mom was gone.

      The hardest part is that my sister is not telling anyone about her pregnancy yet. She had a miscarriage a couple years ago so doesn't want to say anything until after 3 months. So now I am in the position that I essentially have to lie. I can't tell anyone that my sister, mom and grandma aren't coming to the wedding. Instead I have to pretend like they are. I can't tell anyone that I don't have a maid of honour anymore. We went shopping for my bm dresses on Saturday and my sister still came and pretended like she would be in the wedding so no one would know. It was extremely difficult for me.

      It is not that I am not happy for my sister. She wants a baby, she has for a long time. Its just I would feel more happy for her if she was in a stable relationship. The reality is she has only been dating this guy for 7 months. He has 2 other children from 2 different women (including a 9 month old baby). I think my sister's only attraction to him in the first place was that he had kids and she desparately wants them. I fear that by the time the baby is born, she will be alone and the reality of single motherhood will not match up with the fantasy she has of having a baby.
      You poor thing! That tops me by 100 percent! I am truly sorry and can imagine that you feel a mix of emotions.

      I will def. say a prayer for you! keep me posted!
      Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

      #43 hiccups

      hiccups
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        Posted 29 March 2010 - 02:34 PM

        Wow, can't even imagine what you're going through! Sorry to hear!

        #44 Cindy*

        Cindy*
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          Posted 29 March 2010 - 02:43 PM

          Thank you Jo&delo2010. I really appreciate it.

          #45 MDLady

          MDLady
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            Posted 29 March 2010 - 03:17 PM

            If there is so much negativity between you two, regardless of the reasons, maybe it's better than she is not in your wedding party. Or would that make things even worse? I just can't imagine having someone in my bridal party who I do not like! That would be so cruel to the bride.

            It's her business when she gets pregnant or if she decides to become the next Octomom. I would not let her ruin my big day and it sounds like that is about to happen. You can't change people at all, but you can choose to keep your distance and protect yourself from the toxicity.

            #46 MDLady

            MDLady
            • Jr. Member
            • 433 posts

              Posted 29 March 2010 - 03:21 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Cindy*
              I can relate to your story and understand where you are coming from. My sister just told me that she is pregnant and won't be attending our wedding. She is 7 weeks pregnant and due on October 30 (2 days after my wedding). My sister was my maid of honour. Now that she is pregnant, neither my sister, my mother or my grandmother are coming to my wedding. My mom feels that this is my sister's first baby and that takes priority over my wedding. My grandmother is not comfortable travelling if my mom is not coming. Fine, I understand why they are choosing the baby over my wedding but it is still extremely upsetting to me.

              My sister has not even apologized, no sorry that I can't attend your wedding, sorry that mom and grandma aren't going to be able to make it either. Nothing. I know my mom is very upset and feels conflicted but what can she do. She has said that she will still book a ticket to fly in the day before the wedding and leave the day after and that if my sister hasn't had the baby yet, she will be there for the wedding day. My sister's reaction was that she was pissed off at my mom for saying she would try to be there for my wedding (for one day) because what if she had the baby the day my mom was gone.

              The hardest part is that my sister is not telling anyone about her pregnancy yet. She had a miscarriage a couple years ago so doesn't want to say anything until after 3 months. So now I am in the position that I essentially have to lie. I can't tell anyone that my sister, mom and grandma aren't coming to the wedding. Instead I have to pretend like they are. I can't tell anyone that I don't have a maid of honour anymore. We went shopping for my bm dresses on Saturday and my sister still came and pretended like she would be in the wedding so no one would know. It was extremely difficult for me.

              It is not that I am not happy for my sister. She wants a baby, she has for a long time. Its just I would feel more happy for her if she was in a stable relationship. The reality is she has only been dating this guy for 7 months. He has 2 other children from 2 different women (including a 9 month old baby). I think my sister's only attraction to him in the first place was that he had kids and she desparately wants them. I fear that by the time the baby is born, she will be alone and the reality of single motherhood will not match up with the fantasy she has of having a baby.
              What a crappy situation all around. Can you maybe move your wedding date? Or would you lose a whole bunch of money because of it? And maybe that would be worth it (depending on how far along you are into the wedding planning process with that specific date).

              I'm not suggesting moving the wedding for your sister who seems not to care, but more for your Mom and Grandma to be there for you.

              #47 jo&delo2010

              jo&delo2010
              • Newbie
              • 93 posts

                Posted 12 April 2010 - 12:38 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by MDLady
                If there is so much negativity between you two, regardless of the reasons, maybe it's better than she is not in your wedding party. Or would that make things even worse? I just can't imagine having someone in my bridal party who I do not like! That would be so cruel to the bride.

                It's her business when she gets pregnant or if she decides to become the next Octomom. I would not let her ruin my big day and it sounds like that is about to happen. You can't change people at all, but you can choose to keep your distance and protect yourself from the toxicity.
                I wish she didnt have to be in the wedding! lol Im taking a hit for that one from the groom, for some reason it means alot to him to have her up there....they dont really even talk...so I have yet to figure that out.

                I know its her business about the prego thing..and trust me Im still hoping she wont show up! But since mommy and daddy paid for her and her husb. room..i guess they will go lol
                Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

                #48 jo&delo2010

                jo&delo2010
                • Newbie
                • 93 posts

                  Posted 12 April 2010 - 12:40 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Cindy*
                  I can relate to your story and understand where you are coming from. My sister just told me that she is pregnant and won't be attending our wedding. She is 7 weeks pregnant and due on October 30 (2 days after my wedding). My sister was my maid of honour. Now that she is pregnant, neither my sister, my mother or my grandmother are coming to my wedding. My mom feels that this is my sister's first baby and that takes priority over my wedding. My grandmother is not comfortable travelling if my mom is not coming. Fine, I understand why they are choosing the baby over my wedding but it is still extremely upsetting to me.

                  My sister has not even apologized, no sorry that I can't attend your wedding, sorry that mom and grandma aren't going to be able to make it either. Nothing. I know my mom is very upset and feels conflicted but what can she do. She has said that she will still book a ticket to fly in the day before the wedding and leave the day after and that if my sister hasn't had the baby yet, she will be there for the wedding day. My sister's reaction was that she was pissed off at my mom for saying she would try to be there for my wedding (for one day) because what if she had the baby the day my mom was gone.

                  The hardest part is that my sister is not telling anyone about her pregnancy yet. She had a miscarriage a couple years ago so doesn't want to say anything until after 3 months. So now I am in the position that I essentially have to lie. I can't tell anyone that my sister, mom and grandma aren't coming to the wedding. Instead I have to pretend like they are. I can't tell anyone that I don't have a maid of honour anymore. We went shopping for my bm dresses on Saturday and my sister still came and pretended like she would be in the wedding so no one would know. It was extremely difficult for me.

                  It is not that I am not happy for my sister. She wants a baby, she has for a long time. Its just I would feel more happy for her if she was in a stable relationship. The reality is she has only been dating this guy for 7 months. He has 2 other children from 2 different women (including a 9 month old baby). I think my sister's only attraction to him in the first place was that he had kids and she desparately wants them. I fear that by the time the baby is born, she will be alone and the reality of single motherhood will not match up with the fantasy she has of having a baby.

                  I just wanted to check in and see how your doing! Hang in there, my wedding blog friend!!!!I know its hard, but if you need to vent I am here :)
                  Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!




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