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Sister in law help!


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#21 IMPPEARL

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    Posted 18 November 2009 - 12:50 PM

    I feel for you completely! Your happy for them obviously, but can't help feeling a little anxious!?

    To make a long story short my FI has 3 sisters 2 of whom are now prego, 1 of which is in my wedding party. She'll only be about 3 months along, but she is only a month along now and already starting to show. I'm just hoping that she'll fit into her dress, its already as big as it can go! I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't fit... As for his other sister she'll be about 52 weeks along... but at least she is still going. With the new pregnancy and all they said they couldn't afford to go at all, so my FI asked his parents to not get us a wedding gift and help his sister to attend. Her husband is staying home with the other 2 kids and she is joining us with the help of her parents. He loves his family and wants them to all be there, it just sucks that he had to give up them helping us out with some of the cost. But understandable all the same.
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    #22 LCBride2007

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      Posted 18 November 2009 - 12:54 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by IMPPEARL
      I feel for you completely! Your happy for them obviously, but can't help feeling a little anxious!?

      To make a long story short my FI has 3 sisters 2 of whom are now prego, 1 of which is in my wedding party. She'll only be about 3 months along, but she is only a month along now and already starting to show. I'm just hoping that she'll fit into her dress, its already as big as it can go! I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't fit... As for his other sister she'll be about 52 weeks along... but at least she is still going. With the new pregnancy and all they said they couldn't afford to go at all, so my FI asked his parents to not get us a wedding gift and help his sister to attend. Her husband is staying home with the other 2 kids and she is joining us with the help of her parents. He loves his family and wants them to all be there, it just sucks that he had to give up them helping us out with some of the cost. But understandable all the same.
      oops - i think that's a typo ... pregnancies are only 40 weeks long! i know some people go overdue, but that seems a bit much! lol

      #23 Melidell

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        Posted 18 November 2009 - 01:01 PM

        It sounds like you've been trying really hard with his sister (maybe a bit too hard, to be honest) and it may be time to take a step back. Why were you the one who was buying her gifts- she's FI's sister and he should be in charge of this and if he doesn't take care of it, it shouldn't get done. Personally, I would hate it if I got a gift from my brother that I knew he had no part in choosing (I'd know- I've know him a long time lol). With her wedding it sounds like you did some really nice things for her but they were a bit over the top- you shouldn't feel like you have to buy her stuff to get her to like you. I can only speak from my own perspective as a sister but if my brother was seeing someone who was that worried about me liking her- well, I'd like her a bit less because I hate feeling pressured and part of me would wonder why she was trying so hard.

        As for the pregnancy, it has nothing to do with you so why take it personally? At the end of the day she has her life and you have yours- forget about her and what she's doing and focus on the great things that are happening for you right now. I agree with what a lot of other posters have said: it is not a contest, you are two different people.
        Loving married life!

        #24 jo&delo2010

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          Posted 19 November 2009 - 03:06 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Melidell
          It sounds like you've been trying really hard with his sister (maybe a bit too hard, to be honest) and it may be time to take a step back. Why were you the one who was buying her gifts- she's FI's sister and he should be in charge of this and if he doesn't take care of it, it shouldn't get done. Personally, I would hate it if I got a gift from my brother that I knew he had no part in choosing (I'd know- I've know him a long time lol). With her wedding it sounds like you did some really nice things for her but they were a bit over the top- you shouldn't feel like you have to buy her stuff to get her to like you. I can only speak from my own perspective as a sister but if my brother was seeing someone who was that worried about me liking her- well, I'd like her a bit less because I hate feeling pressured and part of me would wonder why she was trying so hard.

          As for the pregnancy, it has nothing to do with you so why take it personally? At the end of the day she has her life and you have yours- forget about her and what she's doing and focus on the great things that are happening for you right now. I agree with what a lot of other posters have said: it is not a contest, you are two different people.
          He warned me from the beg. that he was more afraid for me to meet her then his parents..lol I like to do things for other people but with her I might have done 2 much, now that I look back. At the time my heart was in the right place and I thought I was doing the right thing. I felt bad that her girl friends/bridesmaids didnt do much for her so I guess I stepped in and did 2 much. Now I see why she doesnt have girl friends except ones who live in different states.

          I am trying hard to focus on the positive and I think this thread has helped me a lot :)
          Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

          #25 jo&delo2010

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            Posted 19 November 2009 - 03:11 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by IMPPEARL
            I feel for you completely! Your happy for them obviously, but can't help feeling a little anxious!?

            To make a long story short my FI has 3 sisters 2 of whom are now prego, 1 of which is in my wedding party. She'll only be about 3 months along, but she is only a month along now and already starting to show. I'm just hoping that she'll fit into her dress, its already as big as it can go! I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't fit... As for his other sister she'll be about 52 weeks along... but at least she is still going. With the new pregnancy and all they said they couldn't afford to go at all, so my FI asked his parents to not get us a wedding gift and help his sister to attend. Her husband is staying home with the other 2 kids and she is joining us with the help of her parents. He loves his family and wants them to all be there, it just sucks that he had to give up them helping us out with some of the cost. But understandable all the same.
            Wow that is really nice of your FI and yourself to give up your gift to help his sister come to the wedding. Destination weddings can be very $$$ for the guests to attend. I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful wedding!
            Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

            #26 IMPPEARL

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              Posted 19 November 2009 - 02:14 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by AnnR
              oops - i think that's a typo ... pregnancies are only 40 weeks long! i know some people go overdue, but that seems a bit much! lol
              Opps I quess I ment 32... but I think its more like 35... anyway she's very prego...
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              #27 IMPPEARL

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                Posted 19 November 2009 - 02:23 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by jo&delo2010
                Wow that is really nice of your FI and yourself to give up your gift to help his sister come to the wedding. Destination weddings can be very $$$ for the guests to attend. I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful wedding!
                It is his sister.... she should be there.... I guess I should have mentioned she's only 22 and is on her third child (4 if you count her husband’s with another woman) this is why they are so financially strapped. They have this crazy idea that the more kids they have eventually the kids will be paying for them and make them money!!! I wouldn’t begrudge his if they weren’t so far off in their thinking... Oh well he loves her anyway and really wants her there so I guess our "gift" is essentially having her there, thought the financial help would have been nice also... Needless to say I do sympathize with this situation!
                Need an Amazing Photographer? Phil Steingard and his colleagues are great!http://www.steingardstudios.com/
                http://www.michaelsteingard.com/
                http://www.jamiedimitry.com/

                #28 jo&delo2010

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                  Posted 19 November 2009 - 02:48 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by IMPPEARL
                  It is his sister.... she should be there.... I guess I should have mentioned she's only 22 and is on her third child (4 if you count her husband’s with another woman) this is why they are so financially strapped. They have this crazy idea that the more kids they have eventually the kids will be paying for them and make them money!!! I wouldn’t begrudge his if they weren’t so far off in their thinking... Oh well he loves her anyway and really wants her there so I guess our "gift" is essentially having her there, thought the financial help would have been nice also... Needless to say I do sympathize with this situation!
                  My in laws have been telling their friends the reason why my FI dad got a job (he's retired) is because of our wedding...lol They failed to mention that before he retired they gave their daughter a 50k wedding, are going on a $1500 a night cruise the month before our wedding...lol I could start a new thread just on them...lol They are really nice people and I do like them a lot regardless of their quirks, but hey Im not perfect either ; )

                  I so wish my mom was gonna be here for my wedding..I truly believe if she was I wouldnt care so much about his sisters situation or his families. My family only consists of my sister and dad...so I look for that attention in his family and from his mom. I even lived with them for about 6 months before we bought our house, needless to say i think that made things worse with SIL. She would always say, why are you making that (food dish) for jo? She would look at me and say, do you know how long that takes to make? I think it bothers her that I am in the same city with her parents and she had to move a couple of hours away.

                  You never know what you truly have until you loose it! So when I hear my FI say something, or talk back to his mom..I tell him, be happy you have her even if she annoys you. One day you will miss her annoying ways!
                  Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

                  #29 IrishgirlinNY

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                    Posted 19 November 2009 - 03:38 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by jo&delo2010
                    My in laws have been telling their friends the reason why my FI dad got a job (he's retired) is because of our wedding...lol They failed to mention that before he retired they gave their daughter a 50k wedding, are going on a $1500 a night cruise the month before our wedding...lol I could start a new thread just on them...lol They are really nice people and I do like them a lot regardless of their quirks, but hey Im not perfect either ; )

                    I so wish my mom was gonna be here for my wedding..I truly believe if she was I wouldnt care so much about his sisters situation or his families. My family only consists of my sister and dad...so I look for that attention in his family and from his mom. I even lived with them for about 6 months before we bought our house, needless to say i think that made things worse with SIL. She would always say, why are you making that (food dish) for jo? She would look at me and say, do you know how long that takes to make? I think it bothers her that I am in the same city with her parents and she had to move a couple of hours away.

                    You never know what you truly have until you loose it! So when I hear my FI say something, or talk back to his mom..I tell him, be happy you have her even if she annoys you. One day you will miss her annoying ways!
                    I know exactly what you are talking about and dealing with. I have my dad, sister and brother. My brother has his own life with his wife and son and my sister has my niece. I also live with my FMIL. We are doing it to save money as well. You never know what life is like without your mom until it happens, and it cant be worse. Life is never the same and there is never a normal. There is just a new normal that you absolutely dread on a day to day basis. Sorry this is so depressing. Having a rough day. My fiance and his mom argue all the time and I say the same thing. It is life changing when you lose your mom. Planning your wedding would be different if she was here, I know and understand. We have to deal with what life has dealt us no matter how hard it is. We just have to lean on the people we can (your fiance) and plan a wedding our moms would dream of us having.

                    #30 jo&delo2010

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                      Posted 19 November 2009 - 03:52 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by IrishgirlinNY
                      I know exactly what you are talking about and dealing with. I have my dad, sister and brother. My brother has his own life with his wife and son and my sister has my niece. I also live with my FMIL. We are doing it to save money as well. You never know what life is like without your mom until it happens, and it cant be worse. Life is never the same and there is never a normal. There is just a new normal that you absolutely dread on a day to day basis. Sorry this is so depressing. Having a rough day. My fiance and his mom argue all the time and I say the same thing. It is life changing when you lose your mom. Planning your wedding would be different if she was here, I know and understand. We have to deal with what life has dealt us no matter how hard it is. We just have to lean on the people we can (your fiance) and plan a wedding our moms would dream of us having.
                      I think our moms will be so happy for us on our wedding day! I know they will be watching from above!
                      Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!




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