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Sister in law help!


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#11 Spazz

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    Posted 17 November 2009 - 04:09 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by carly
    I'm sorry that you feel that she brings negativity to everything related to your / your wedding. But I think you may need to take a step back. This is YOUR wedding, not hers. You are living your life, and she is living hers. Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that not everyone's life is revolved around our weddings. I know I had those moments anyway. But you really can't be mad that she's pregnant. The fact that she recently suffered a miscarriage is all the more reason for you to be understanding of what she's been thru.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Holly22
    I guess I have to read the whole thread because how can you be upset with someone for being pregnant? I guess it can go two ways. Maybe she is not being supportive about your wedding but now your not being supportive of her pregnancy. I would assume she came out running happy because miscarriages are devastating. She went through something horrible and is probably happy. Maybe in a nice way say it might be easier for her not to be in the wedding party? That way its not as much pressure on you. Thats the hard part about destination weddings. Not everyone can make it for personal reasons. My best friend just got married. She told me they are trying to get pregnant so we thought it was best for her to not be in the wedding party. My wedding is in April as well. If she doesn't then I will try and add her in later.

    I'm sure alot of the focus will be on her. She is having their grandchild. I don't think she got pregnant to ruin your wedding. As long as you and your soon to be hubby are there I'm sure it will be perfect! Try not to stress... Its so hard not to tho : )

    I agree with both of the above. Regardless of the other problems you are having with your SIL, her pregnancy is something that I would think you should be happy about. It's not up to you to determine how soon she should get pregnant after a miscarriage. You should try to be the bigger person and be happy for her and her baby even if she's acting like she's not happy about your wedding. This wedding is about you and your FI. It's so easy to get wrapped up in it but you have to realize that everyone else has other things happening in their lives and your wedding won't always take precedence. Best of luck to you!

    #12 LCBride2007

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      Posted 17 November 2009 - 04:12 PM

      As someone who had a miscarriage last month, and JUST found out she was pregnant this month I feel I can put myself in your SIL's shoes a bit. I told my family right away last time about the pregnancy, and I told them right away again. This is a personal decision for me, as I am sure it was for her. And no, you don't always have to wait 3 months. I obviously didn't, nor have a few friends of mine.

      There isn't a person in the world whose wedding I'd plan a pregnancy around, except maybe mine! Not my sister, not my best friend, no one.

      Try not to make this a competition - it isn't at all. Surprisingly this isn't about you. Just go on to enjoy your wedding day ... that's about you and your FI. Let others do what they want!

      #13 Jen_S

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        Posted 17 November 2009 - 04:25 PM

        I do not think she planned to get pregnant to over shadow your wedding. You are about to be a Aunt you should be excited for her and for the rest of your new family! My brother and his girlfriend got pregnant while we were planning our wedding and she was due 2 months before our wedding we celebrated the pregnancy and the birth of our new nephew she and the baby were unable to attend the wedding but my brother came to celebrate us.

        As for her saying negative things I think you should talk about them with her, trust me you will hold it in and it is better to get it off your chest now. Good Luck!
        Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

        #14 jo&delo2010

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          Posted 17 November 2009 - 07:39 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by IrishgirlinNY
          Your story sounds so familiar.
          My fiances brother and his wife are having a baby about 10 mths before our wedding. He has said that they cant go, which really dissappointed him..he is the best man. He actually, as of now, changed his maind and said he is coming by himself, his wife and the baby will stay home.
          His mother is also treats her 3 sons completely unequally, at the low end of the stick is my fiance. Both the other brothers are married. Got generous gifts and there is no gift in our future.
          My mother passed away. I think this tops it all. It is the worst way to plan a wedding...without your mom. I have been leaning on my best friend (best friend for 18 yrs) and my sister. My future mother in law isnt the easiest person to deal with and isnt exactly the person that I want to try to lean on through the wedding process.
          I know how hard it is to stay positive. All I think of is how this is supposed to be the best time of my life. It is never going to happen again. Its definitely hard.
          Try to strong and think of what your mother would want you to have and feel. That is what is getting me through it. Whatever happens with your in laws, there is nothing that can change it. Just go with what happens. That is what I have come to accept.
          Good luck!
          Thanks I really like your advice!
          Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

          #15 jo&delo2010

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            Posted 17 November 2009 - 07:44 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by carolina24
            Ok, I understand that you want this to be your day and it really sucks that she's been so negative about things, but you can't be upset that she's pregnant so soon, that's her life, not yours. I also think that a wedding is about the couple!! I'm not a fan of having bridesmaids b/c you have to include someone. She has said horrible things about you as a couple and there is no need for you to put up with that for the sake of the family. In the end she is their daughter and her pregancy is going to overshadow your wedding, it sucks but it's the truth. On the other hand, the pregnancy is a perfect way for you to veto her as a BM (in a nice way). In the end, you are going to have to be the bigger person and decide how you want your day to be. Let go of the negative and focus on you and your FI, you're the only ones that really matter!!
            Its hard but I have been trying :)
            Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

            #16 jo&delo2010

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              Posted 17 November 2009 - 08:25 PM

              Hmmm...guess I should have written this a little bit better then I did. These are just some bits and pieces of things that have happened.

              During her wedding I had only know my FI maybe a couple of months. I helped her with her bridal shower, I took her to MAC and payed for the make up they used. They picked out a $300 dress at saks that they called me telling me I had to buy for her wedding. I Felt bad that they didnt have a bachlorette party for her so I went to an adult store and bought her $400 worth of fun stuff and took her out to eat.To be honest..I want his sis to like me, she is a couple years younger then me and we got along really well at first. After her wedding things changed?

              I asked her several times over a period of time if there was anything wrong? I tried to be the adult and confront her and talk things out. She always told me everything was fine.

              I even confronted her about what happened at our engagement party...there is alittle more to the story. When I told my FI what she had said he finally couldnt take it anymore and told his parents. His mom started crying and said my SI said things that I supp. said about my mother in law...which wasnt true. So I called his mom and apologized for the things that were supp said. I didnt want to blame anyone for anything. When i did confront his sis she started crying saying that I took her brother away from her? I said you are married and have your house and dogs? The way she talks you would think they hang out all the time..which they dont even go to lunch.

              If it wasnt for me she wouldnt get any phone calls or anything from him..because he's not too good at that stuff. I'm the one who buys her gifts ...when she doesnt get us anything. And it isnt about a gift...she could send a card or could have helped with our engagement party. Needles to say....I stopped and I hardly do anything.

              As far as her being prego...I did say that I hope she has a healthy pregnancy and baby. I am not supposed to know she had a miscarriage. The only reason i found out was because she kept not calling in the measurements for her bridesmaid dress. I kept sending little reminders via text and email and finally I had to tell my FI to call his mom. An hour before the store closed her measurements were turned in. If she had told me that she thought she was prego or anything I would have not kept sending emails/texts and bothering her. If she would just communicate with me! I cant feel sorry for her when she doesnt tell me things. She doesnt know know that Im upset ..I hugged her and told her congrats when she ran in with the preg. stick! I always try and do the right thing with her even when I don't feel like it. I was just using this blog to vent because theses are thoughts and feelings that I cant say.

              At her wedding she got pissed that her cuz wife was prego...even though his wife waited till after her wedding to announce it.

              My FI has 2 sets of friends that are waiting till after our wedding to start ....they said our wedding is the practice :) The one wife told me that it meant the world to them to see their friend get married and they wouldnt miss this for anything. I think we are very blessed to have them in our life!
              Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

              #17 jo&delo2010

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                Posted 17 November 2009 - 08:38 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by carolina24
                Ok, I understand that you want this to be your day and it really sucks that she's been so negative about things, but you can't be upset that she's pregnant so soon, that's her life, not yours. I also think that a wedding is about the couple!! I'm not a fan of having bridesmaids b/c you have to include someone. She has said horrible things about you as a couple and there is no need for you to put up with that for the sake of the family. In the end she is their daughter and her pregancy is going to overshadow your wedding, it sucks but it's the truth. On the other hand, the pregnancy is a perfect way for you to veto her as a BM (in a nice way). In the end, you are going to have to be the bigger person and decide how you want your day to be. Let go of the negative and focus on you and your FI, you're the only ones that really matter!!

                If I had to do my bridesmaids over ...I would have just picked my Sister. I had 6...one is prego with twins and due on my wedding day, another has her cuz destination wedding the month after mine and cant afford 2 weddings, the last girl (my godmother) backed out the day the money was due for the dresses...lol

                I know her pregancy will over - shadow our wedding because I know how she is. I also know there is nothing I can do about it. Its just gonna take some time ... and venting about it really helps :)
                Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

                #18 jo&delo2010

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                  Posted 17 November 2009 - 08:47 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Lizz
                  I agree with both of the above. Regardless of the other problems you are having with your SIL, her pregnancy is something that I would think you should be happy about. It's not up to you to determine how soon she should get pregnant after a miscarriage. You should try to be the bigger person and be happy for her and her baby even if she's acting like she's not happy about your wedding. This wedding is about you and your FI. It's so easy to get wrapped up in it but you have to realize that everyone else has other things happening in their lives and your wedding won't always take precedence. Best of luck to you!
                  As far as she knows Im happy ..Maybe I would be happier (inside) if she were nice to me. Its just hard and I am human...I was there for her wedding and now that its mine I guess I expected something. Who knows maybe the baby will maker her nice :)
                  Not even rain could ruin my wedding day!

                  #19 lalanyc

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                    Posted 18 November 2009 - 01:50 AM

                    I, for one, don't think you should be so worried. First of all, it's not a good idea for her to travel when she's so far along in her pregnancy - especially if she has never been to Mexico before. The risk of her having a sensitive stomach and/or getting sick for ANY reason is not worth the danger to her baby. Hopefully her doctor will convince her of that.

                    Secondly, most reasonable guests know full well that the bride is the center of the show. I've been to many many weddings in the last few years and there's often one person (i.e., inappropriately slutty guest, drama queen aunt, etc.) that screams for attention. Most guests rightly choose to ignore these people and appreciate the wedding for what it is - a celebration of the couple's union.

                    Your best path forward is to make sure that you look fabulous, that you feel great about your new life w/ your hubby, and that you appreciate your friends and family who will, in fact, be there just for YOU! And be sure to lean on your other BM's who will give you the support, time and attention you need to have a happy wedding :)

                    #20 **~Linda~**

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                      Posted 18 November 2009 - 11:50 AM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by carly
                      I'm sorry that you feel that she brings negativity to everything related to your / your wedding. But I think you may need to take a step back. This is YOUR wedding, not hers. You are living your life, and she is living hers. Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that not everyone's life is revolved around our weddings. I know I had those moments anyway. But you really can't be mad that she's pregnant. The fact that she recently suffered a miscarriage is all the more reason for you to be understanding of what she's been thru.

                      I agree with this wholeheartedly.




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