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purpleshells

MOH who says shes coming but still no response..

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I am so sorry this has happened to you...I hate when people who are important to you let you down in a big way like that. You seem to be taking it well and looking on the bright side at least. :)

 

I guess it is better that you found out now rather than after the wedding that she is not a true friend. Because then she would be in your pictures and a part of one of the most special days in your life! She doesn't deserve to ba a part of that.

 

You are marrying your REAL bet friend and he is all you need on your wedding day!

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want an updatehuh.gif my ex MOH finally wrote to me after 2 1/2 months of ignoring my calls and emails...this is what she wrote, im curious about what you girls think, plz be honest...thx (keep in mind; i have known this girl for 8 yrs now... shes been dating the same guy since, whos been cheating on her 24/7 and she know about it, and she is gorgeous and 100 lbs-)

 

Hey,

 

How rude of me to leave you without any news. However, so much has happened in the last few months (même si ce n'est pas excusable).

 

I love you as a friend more than anything and I felt really stuck and in a dilemma with the wedding. I absolutely wanted to go and with my stupid immature self; i had no idea how to tell you without hurting you (but i guess i hurt you more this way). I know you have many people going and so happy for you that you are surrounded by people you can trust on.

 

I must tell you that even though it is not an excuse for leaving you like this, I have lost myself and the person that I once was. Being back at my parents' house, losing and leaving a dream i once had, getting screwed by losers, going out and drinking to forget about everything, plus weight gain - times have been rough. I feel i have been acting like an 18 year old - lost and confused.

 

As a friend, I had no right to put you through this and i will not and cannot tell you enough how sorry i am for being immature. I admire you as a person - as the person you have become. I guess it's envy that i feel towards you. Envy for the life that I want ... and not being on that path. I am happy for you and more than sad that i cannot share the same paths we always followed so closely. It hurts me more than anything; and i know it is selfish of me to feel this way.

 

I hope you will accept my apologies, even if they may seem worthless.

I love you girl,

xox

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Well... although this email (should not have been in the form of email, but we have technology to thank for this) was long overdue, you now know why she has been acting this way. It's an unfortunate test to your relationship and sometimes peoples emotions, esp.when it includes envy, can get in the way of rational thinking.

 

I experienced this with my best friend of 20 years. She dropped off the face of the earth once FI and I started dating and talking about marriage. Her fiance had cheated on her not too long before. She is very successful and has great things going for her, but I think that because she was officially the last of the single friends she was feeling a bit envious and left out. I had always been the single friend, and single parent at that.. and I think my girlfriends always banked on the fact that I was always "available". And I do hate to report that we have never been the same since. And it's heartbreaking because she and I have been friends for many years...

 

Rather than avoiding the situtation, I made every attempt to contact her. I knew that it was nothing I did but rather she had things to work through.

 

It sounds like your friend is in the same boat. Question is, now that she has been honest with you, can you move on? Or will this effect your relationship? Only you know how your relationship is with her.

 

I know that it was probably difficult for her to tell you that she would not be able to accept the responsibility of the wedding and she was probably dissappointed that she would not be able to attend. She probably knows that it was very important to you.

 

I would invite her for coffee and sit down and talk to her and tell her how upset you felt. I'm sure you will feel much better once you can express that to her..

 

Okay, done with my rant!

 

Adriana

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She sounds like one of my friends that is still in the party mode that doesnt want to grow up to face reality. I hate to tell you this but it sounds like she will not be coming to your wedding from reading her email (even though she doesnt flat out tell you) and think you should have someone else stand as your MOH.

 

Has she always been this way? I know you said you have known her for 8 years so surely there must have been warning signs.

 

My friend that is like your friend that you've discribed, we are still friends but I dont talk to her like I use to. I found out from another friend that she isnt coming to our wedding but I've known her for 15 years and knew that would be the case with her since she can be flaky at times.. When I found out I wasnt surprised but in the end I decided I wouldnt let that bother me.

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oh for sure she isnt coming....i got that part 2 months ago.lol

 

shes manic depressif....so yeah I had seen signs of mood swings..but to be jealous of a friend...no...never seen that...shes always been happy for others...well from what she said anyway.....

 

worst part..this isnt the first friend thats done this to me...and she knew that the other friend did this to me as well.......and we were talking about it like months ago..and now..she turns around and does the same thing.......

 

i know it sucks when your life was planned..you were engaged had a house and suddenly everything falls apart...but to turn around and not want to participate or be happy for the friend.......to me,thats ridiculous.... when they were happy and engaged and all and i was single, i was so happy for them, not once did i feel jealousy....ever....

 

some people are advising me to forget about her and move on..others are saying have coffee with her and see whats on her mind, but at this point, if she feels like this, she must of felt like this all along and never spoke a word, so the way i see it, will she actually be honest? i donno....

 

and yeah her email isnt very clear..... she says she wanted to tell me but didnt wanna hurt me.......... about what, she doesnt finish the sentance..... i would think shes trying to say didnt wanna hurt me by telling me she cant come because shes "envious"huh.gif god knows....

 

but like I said....sounds mean...but im kind of happy now that I dont have to deal with her ups and downs anymore with the bf or ex or whatever he is now...

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Hmm, its been a while since I read this thread, and I've really only skimmed it. However, my personal thoughts on the matter is that friends stick together even when times are tough. Everybody goes through tough times - obviously you have, and right now your friend is going through something. Even if you are angry with her, if you are still her friend and if you still care about her I believe you should try and at least talk to her. And if she doesn't want to go to the wedding thats fine - but it shouldn't be the end all of your friendship.

 

And maybe you don't want to talk to her right now. But you could at least acknowledge her, let her know you are upset, and that you aren't ready to talk to her right now. But you might want to in a few months or something. I don't know. I just think that people give up on each other too easily these days. Maybe you haven't - maybe it really is time to drop her. But if you still CARE for her - is it really right to just drop her? Especially if she needs you?

 

Good luck.

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Quote:
Hmm, its been a while since I read this thread, and I've really only skimmed it. However, my personal thoughts on the matter is that friends stick together even when times are tough. Everybody goes through tough times - obviously you have, and right now your friend is going through something. Even if you are angry with her, if you are still her friend and if you still care about her I believe you should try and at least talk to her. And if she doesn't want to go to the wedding thats fine - but it shouldn't be the end all of your friendship.

And maybe you don't want to talk to her right now. But you could at least acknowledge her, let her know you are upset, and that you aren't ready to talk to her right now. But you might want to in a few months or something. I don't know. I just think that people give up on each other too easily these days. Maybe you haven't - maybe it really is time to drop her. But if you still CARE for her - is it really right to just drop her? Especially if she needs you?

Good luck.

I'm in agreement here. I have a situation with my ex-MOH that's similar in terms of her not coming and it's over the way she handled not being able to come that hurt me. It's an extremely long story and I don't want to necessarily recap. Point is, I've known her for so long (almost 20 years) and let me just say, I plan on talking to her because to me, it's bigger than just a wedding. She's like a sister to me and I wouldn't just drop her like some friend who I just met who did me wrong.

Yes it sucks because someone who you expected to be there for you wasn't there. But it's about really making them understand how much they hurt you.

Yes, she e-mailed you. But you now have the right to look her in the face and talk to her about your feelings. Tell her it's inconsiderate and unfair to not contact you for so long. Say you'd understand if she couldn't make it but she didn't give you a chance to understand. Her delay in response made the situation worse. Talk to her and explain that you can't count on her like you once did. If the friendship doesn't pick up from there, so be it but at least you handled it correctly.

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Those are the reasons there weren't any groomsmen or bridesmaids at our wedding and we are happy with our decision. cool.gif

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jstar83 View Post
not dwelling anymore...shes gone :)

 

I think as a matter of fact we wont be having ANY bridesmaid or groomsmen..saves on cost,stress, time,and $$

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