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boscobel

does it get easier?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TammyB View Post
ha ha ha, I hear yeah Tara. Are things getting any better?
He left for a few days!!! It was so great! How about you?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikkiStreak View Post
I agree--- if you feel inclined toward counseling, do it now instead of waiting.

I think people tend to overlook the beginning of problems or just ignore them, thinking it will go away. On a different note, but same concept--- if you ask someone who has had an affair in their marriage, they'll tell you the marriage didn't fail the moment they slept with someone else; It started to fail the moment one person felt vulnerable and said yes to an offer of coffee and talking when they were asked by someone they were attracted to.

If that makes sense----

Yes is does make alot of sense. yes we argue more now that the 1000years I have known him. Break up for 3 seconds and back together. But it really scares me because we NEVER fight.

My situation is different because he was once married and all they did was fight and he might be asking himself is this where we are headed.

I STILL SAY. . ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR. we love each other and after that last word is said we talk adn work it out. give it time.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tvt View Post
He left for a few days!!! It was so great! How about you?
So far so good. well he still doesn't have a job and I do believe he might be more interested in finding a girl then a job. Yesterday to took the boys for a walk so that he could get a closer look at some chic..

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well Tammy, at least he took the dogs for a walk!

 

As for the fighting, I'm not engaged, so i can't comment on that, but I've been living with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. I must say, that the first year was ROUGH. It seemed like we would fight over anything and everything and VERY often. I would say it took a year, and now everything is wonderful. It's very rare when we fight now. But that first year, wow! I think it was because it was our first time living with someone else. We had to adjust to mom not cooking and cleaning and dad not mowing the lawn! It was quite the adjustment. But, like I said now, everything is wonderful!

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I think the moving in together is the hardest part. I really love my alone time and always loved living alone so not having that was (and is still) hard for me. I have to make sure I vocalize when I need alone time and do stuff alone - go to a movie, shopping,, anything.

It does get better -- you just need to vigilant about your feelings and needs while being sensitive to his.

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I agree - moving in is a HUGE step - and one of the hardest parts (IMO). It's making all kinds of adjustments to make two people coordinate better together. While I agree you should pick your battles, I also think keeping everything in is a spell for disaster. If something is bothering you - say the fact that he doesn't do the dishes is driving you mad - talk to him about it, and be prepared to negotiate. He might not see things the way you do, but that's no reason to fight. And just because you say "I do", it doesn't mean that fixes all of the problems you had before the wedding. If you don't work things out now, they don't just fix themselves. Don't bottle it up - just talk with him, a good, honest talk, not a fight.

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thanks ladies. I am having trouble finding a place to go to counseling, but perhaps when I get home from work and have more time to research, I will find the place. I will follow up later to let you know if it helped!

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you should pick up a copy of "emotionally engaged: a bride's guide to surviving the 'happiest' time of her life" by allison moir-smith... it talks about the wave of emotions you both go through when getting engaged/married/moving in/starting your own new family, etc.. really good book in my opinion. the author is a counselor for brides-to-be

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonfly View Post
NO!!fencing.gif

Sorry I am a little ticked girl_werewolf.gif with Everton tonight, so ask me tomorrow, and maybe I will have a different answer. LOL
Uh-oh.....never ask someone in the midst of an argument...lol Sorry, some days are like that but you know it will blow over.

We've lived together for years so after the engagement nothing changed except we were both super excited. No new fights, just an ever evolving understanding of the nature of men vs. women - i.e. he was content to pick the first invitation he saw whereas I needed options.

Compromise is key, even if that means you get the short end of the stick sometimes. Unfortunately that comes with the territory in serious relationships. It takes time but you'll get the right balance eventually.

In Psyc. of Marriage class I took years ago, it was said that the #2 predictor of a successful marriage is the willingness of both parties to attend counseling if need be. (#1 was decision to commit to each other exclusively) Maybe it's outdated but I think it holds true.

In the mean time, hang in there grouphug.gif

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