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simba1234

Biggest Destination Wedding Stress factor - what's yours?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KJT1985 View Post
For me I think it's been the reaction to us having a destination wedding. I've had people tell me i'm selfish for doing it, people tell me they can't go and then expect me to change our plans for THEM, people laying guilt trips on me. It's really been the absolute worst part. I'm not stressing about everything else because most of it just doesn't matter that much to me. And the things that do matter are mostly in my control. I have my moments where I stress about the dress or if the salon at the property is going to be capable enough to not make me look like crap. But the worst of it is definitely the reactions...
I have one friend who made me feel like crap this past weekend but then I snapped out of it and realized SHE's the selfish one. It's very convenient for people to jump in their car and go to your LOCAL wedding because it's just a party with FREE food and alcohol...it's EASY and it's CONVENIENT. BUt the second they have to go the extra mile and step out of their comfort zone to be there for YOUR special day it becomes too dificult.

I think they're the selfish ones for putting that on you.... it's YOUR day - You're supposed to be selfish and do it your way. To me this wedding has been a great way to weed out the people who don't need to be there in the first place but I would "have" to put up with if the wedding was local. As far as I'm concerned the people who REALLY matter will be there and everyone else can kiss it. All the people who I'm really close to, love and will make that day special have said they will be there no matter what and they are super excited. Those are the kind of people I want in my wedding and my life.

Don't let anyone make you feel like crap about how you decide to celebrate the biggest day of your life.

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Well my biggest stress so far is between finding and booking a resort (which I am currently working on a contract) and my guest list. My FI and I want a small wedding (less than 20 people including us) but my parents are insisting that we invite everyone. I honestly don’t want to even send them all invitations in case they do come, but they are adamant about inviting them. We aren’t sending out invitations till February (my father told me I am doing it next month which I’m not) so I don’t have to worry about it till then, but it is really upsetting that he is already making demands on my wedding.

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Wow, I feel really lucky now that I see what some of you are going through! My biggest stress was just figuring out how to "do" the whole DW thing. Finding a resort for a price we wanted (when prices weren't available yet) for dates within our desired time frame. Then it was figuring out how to book guests when the quotes we were getting were only valid for two weeks. In the end we sent out a STD email explaining the booking process. A few weeks later, we got a new quote and immediately sent out another email telling people they had 2 weeks to call our TA (who's my dad's GF so no problem finding one!) and pay their desposit. This worked SO well. Everyone was booked on time, minus a few stragglers and about 10 that RSVP'd but need to book later.

 

Where I've been lucky:

1) When we got engaged we spread the word that we were planning a DW to "test the waters" and everyone was thrilled with the idea. If our core group wasn't into it, we probably wouldn't have done it.

2) I have a sister and 3 BFs, my FI has a brother and 3 BFs = instant wedding party!

3) We both have extremely supportive parents who want us to be happy and do whatever we want to do!

4) Part of the whole reason I wanted a DW was the lack of involvement in the planning! I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl and have no problem planning a wedding 2 days before it happens. :)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by simba1234 View Post
I have one friend who made me feel like crap this past weekend but then I snapped out of it and realized SHE's the selfish one. It's very convenient for people to jump in their car and go to your LOCAL wedding because it's just a party with FREE food and alcohol...it's EASY and it's CONVENIENT. BUt the second they have to go the extra mile and step out of their comfort zone to be there for YOUR special day it becomes too dificult.

I think they're the selfish ones for putting that on you.... it's YOUR day - You're supposed to be selfish and do it your way. To me this wedding has been a great way to weed out the people who don't need to be there in the first place but I would "have" to put up with if the wedding was local. As far as I'm concerned the people who REALLY matter will be there and everyone else can kiss it. All the people who I'm really close to, love and will make that day special have said they will be there no matter what and they are super excited. Those are the kind of people I want in my wedding and my life.

Don't let anyone make you feel like crap about how you decide to celebrate the biggest day of your life.
I TOTALLY agree. My "friend" who I asked to be maid of honor got mad at me. I asked her to stand up with my and she acted like she would do ANYTHING to be there, which I thought was weird because she's getting her masters and I understand she doesn't have a lot of time or money. BUT she's my oldest friend and was the obvious choice for a MOH. A couple months later (AFTER I flew her to see me to go dress shopping) she looks up prices and calls me to tell me she can't come (this was ELEVEN months prior to the wedding mind you). I told her that I had thought that initially since I know how much she has going on and that she doesn't have a job (therefore, money). She got really at me for saying that I assumed she wouldn't go. Well, wtf? I didn't want to get mad AT HER for not going or make her feel guilty or like I expected her to go into debt for me. What did she want from me?!

Later she emails me about how i'm a different person and she thinks it was a mistake on her part to be my friend in the first place if i'm going to do something like that. And how dare I have a wedding where friends and family can't attend. Then my brother got mad at me for it too - telling me I was being selfish and all that. My aunt laid the guilt trip on because my grandmother was 89, I was the first grandchild to get married and my grandma wouldn't be there to see it. My grandma wouldn't even have know what was going on and as it turns out, she passed away 3 weeks ago so it's not even an issue anymore. (not that I don't LOVE my grandma and wish she could have been there, but I would liked to have had her there and KNOWN what was going on).

With all that said, YES it stresses me out when people do or say those things. But in the end, I know that those who love me WILL be there. And if you're going to throw that kind of tantrum, I don't want you there anyway. One of my favorite sayings is "Be yourself. Because those who matter don't mind. And those who mind, don't matter"

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KJT1985 View Post
One of my favorite sayings is "Be yourself. Because those who matter don't mind. And those who mind, don't matter"
Me too!! It's my signature in my Yahoo mail account :)

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My biggest stress has been dealing with people who complain b/c they can't have "guests" join them. I think sometimes people assume that since many resorts in DW locations are AI, the couple (or parents) hosting the wedding aren't paying for much. It is true that DW can be a lot cheaper than weddings back home, but in our case that is b/c our guest list is much smaller. We're still paying $94/extra person (the package is for 20 and we have 50 guests)!! My advice--be firm in any decisions you make...in the end it's YOUR day!!

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I think ours so far was finding a resort in our guests budget right after olympics and other spring break factors. I thought it was never going to happen. Other than that, the whole putting it into another person's hands until you get there four days before :)

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I think the fact that you're not right there at the place...having a great WC is critical. It's hard when you haven't actually been to the resort, seen the set-up and are planning from a far. I've been lucky and the WC at the Gran Bahia gets right back to me and I've had a few friends that have worked down there to help me navigate from a far. A laid back attitude is key for a DW!

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Sooo true a/b the laid back attitude. My WC is notorious for not returning emails, but all of the girls who have gotten married there give great reviews so I've decided to just let it go until we get down there. But DW are definately NOT for everyone!!

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