What to do to help financially....

[eec129]

So, I don't know if anyone on here remembers my post about my family being dead set against this wedding due to a variety of factors. They seemed to be over it, but now are saying they can't come due to financial reasons.

 

In all fairness, my parents are under HUGE financial stress right now. My dad's business is not doing well. My brother who is in sales has also hit a rough patch. However, we announced our plans in May and it is now November. We also have quite a few people booked.

 

Part of me feels like I can't go on without my family there! Every other guest (besides a single friend of mine!) is from his side! Awhile ago we offered to buy my family's tickets, but they refused, saying they would never take our money. I seriously think they believe I should cancel it due to them.

 

Last night, FI say screw it, let's just buy them the tickets. This is getting ridiculous. For us to move anything at this point would be so costly, not only to us but to all of those who have already booked.

 

I know they would be mad if we booked it for them, but I think they would get over it. I don't know what to do. The other option is to just get married here and then go on the trip, but I know that won't be the same. Thoughts on how to handle this?

 

Believe me, I have tried talking/crying, etc. I feel like I can't tell if they really can't afford it or if they just don't want to come! But how can I go with no one on my side?

[eec129]

And as you can see, our wedding is about two months!!!

 

WTF?

[Woodsylou]

awww i feel so bad for you you poor thing. i don't really know what to suggest. have you sat down just you (no h2b) and them to ask them exactly why they aren't happy and say that you'd buy them a gift to say thank you if they came to the wedding, so you buying their tickets is just you buying that gift in advance, and that you really want them there?

 

i don't think you should buy them tickets without talking to them first, they might still refuse to come and you would of lost the money.

 

if this is the dream wedding you want, then i think you should go ahead, even if your fmaily doesn't come. it will be thier loss and you'll have a wonderful day xx

[eec129]

Yes, on second thought, going ahead and buying the tickets probably isn't smart. We are going to talk to our travel agent and see what is available...and then I will have the information ready when I talk to them. If that does not work, I don't know what to do. But I feel like I have come so far at this point that it would simply be selfish for them to not accept!

[SSNM]

I would like to second doing the wedding you want regardless of their presence. You may really resent them if you change your plans on their account, especially if you are questioning whether their refusal to go is solely for financial reasons or for just not wanting to go. Talk to them and feel it out and if you are comfortable footing their bill or part of their bill, then it wouldn't hurt to help them out.

[YoursTruly]

I would ask the parents y thry are making this about them and why r they being so selfish?? That alone would make me madder than anything. I say do what you envisione, it will be their regret in the end for being so unsupportive. If you feel u will however, lose sleep if they do not come, then that is a whole 'nother issue.

[Sheree10]

This is such a tough decision to make and you will be getting married very soon! Since you have so many guets already booked, I don't think it would be fair to them to cancel. Definately talk to your family and go over the prices. It wouldn't be right for you to have to pay. I hope it all works out for you.

[Patti]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Just talk with them again and if it really seems to be finanical reasons - and you have the money - just explain to them that this is your special day and it just wouldn't be the same without them and that you are going to pay their way. If they feel badly about taking your money, then tell them they can pay you back when things are better for them.

 

My FI and I have 2 grown children each, plus their spouse, and paid for their flights and hotel, however one of my daughters can't go because she's too far along in her pregnancy , but wanted to go, and his daughter just doesn't want to go because she says "it would be weird to see her father get married". (He's a widower.) However, his son is standing up as his BM and my other daughter is my MOH. Just can't please everyone.

 

I sincerely hope it works out for you!!

[Melidell]

I really feel for you and I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I think that since this is the wedding that you and FI want and since so many others have already committed to being there you should go ahead with it. It's two months away and I don't think you should feel obligated to cancel at this point. If you offer to pay and they still refuse, you may be right and there may be more to this than just the money. If they just don't want to go then there may not be any way to make them happy, so you should do what makes you and your FI happy.

[amandseth]

Are you getting married legally at your destination? Maybe you would consider hosting the legal part here, with just your family present, so they could feel like they were a part of the 'real' wedding, then have a ceremony with all the wedding elements at your destination.

 

We had our legal ceremony here, and my nana and papa were the only ones present. They were so honored to act as our witnesses, and have the novelty of saying they were the only ones to see the 'real' wedding.