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Asked to share wedding week by friend- vent/help!!

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#31 Debs

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    Posted 06 November 2009 - 01:27 PM

    Originally Posted by hat0112
    I agreed with a few members above, it is YOUR DAY AND YOUR WEEK! She had her's and you shouldn't have to share that. I wouldn't share any part of my week with anyone. I am getting married in Aruba and will be there for 10 days and after the day after brunch I don't want to see anyone but my future husband! I think you should talk to her and be honest. Your day should be exactly the way you want it.
    I actually disagree with you. You totally contradicted yourself. Yes it's your DAY, but it's your guest's week. They are not tied to you all week, and you just admitted you don't want to see anyone for the rest of the week so they should be free to do what they want.

    #32 punkie569

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      Posted 06 November 2009 - 05:11 PM

      Sorry but I agree with the brides on here that say be selfish and it's your wedding. I can't believe that she would even ask you to do this. That to me is selfish on her part. I don't think it's being the bigger person by caving in either. She should never have asked you in the first place so why should you sacrifice what you want for her? You have probably put a lot of time into planning your wedding so why should you share all your hard work? Why is it necessary for her to even renew her vows during your wedding? Why can't she plan something nice at home that is all about her if her concern is money? Personally I can't see why anyone would want to share their special day/week with anyone whether it's getting married for the first time or renewing your vows after 10 years.

      I have a cousin that is getting married next year as well, who wasn't invited to the wedding, tell me that she wanted to come so she could combine my wedding with her honeymoon. That ticked me off and this is way worse. I hope this works out how you want.
      Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love

      #33 hockeymom97

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        Posted 06 November 2009 - 05:49 PM

        What a crappy situation to be in. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this While I understand you don't want to be bridezilla about this, I think most people will agree that this is YOUR week and is supposed to be about YOUR wedding. The focus should not have to be shared. I know some people will argue that it's only your DAY and not your WEEK, but I disagree. A lot of DW's include activities outside of the DW, such as a rehearsal or welcome dinner, a group excursion, and sometimes a brunch the day after the DW. So there can be more to it than just the DW. Yes, to your guests this is a vacation as well, but if it weren't for your wedding they wouldn't even be there!

        I'm not saying that there can't be a compromise made, but it kind of sucks that you should have to compromise on anything in regards to your wedding. Since she already threw the idea out there you have to deal with it somehow, so you basically have 2 options.

        1) You stand your ground and find a gentle way to tell her that she already had her time in the spotlight, and you were really hoping that this week could be all about you and your FI. She may not like your feedback and you have to realize that she may just do what she wants anyway. I would hope that she'd be respectful of your feelings, but be prepared for the worst.

        2) You have an honest conversation on how you can make both events happen while still being respectful about making your wedding the priority event of the week. And I'd make sure to vent any concerns that you have upfront. If you don't do it now, you'll just keep it bottled up inside and it's going to keep eating away at you until you're miserable. And that's no way to spend the months leading up to your wedding.

        Either option will require open honest communication, and you have to remember that you may not get your way since she can ultimately do what she wants, with or without your approval. I have my fingers crossed for you that she can be respectful about this being your special day :)

        Keep us posted on how things progress!
        Heather & Eric ~ May 5th, 2011 ~ Beaches Turks & Caicos

        #34 bearbunny

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          Posted 07 November 2009 - 07:43 PM

          that is a tough one...i don't think I would have had the guts to ask my friend for such a favor. its your week and you have done all the work. I wouldn't want to share my moment either.

          #35 jenninjamaica

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            Posted 07 November 2009 - 09:16 PM

            Tough question!!! I usually find it hard to be selfish and always suggest people be more selfless. But for your wedding, whether its at home or afar, every girl dreams and deserves her special event! I suppose if its just a quiet renewal with just the 2 of them, it wouldn't be a problem. But if it gets bigger, I'm sure disagreements will occur, especially since you've done so much planning already!

            Good luck with whatever you decide!!!!

            #36 hat0112

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              Posted 09 November 2009 - 12:28 PM

              Originally Posted by Debs
              I actually disagree with you. You totally contradicted yourself. Yes it's your DAY, but it's your guest's week. They are not tied to you all week, and you just admitted you don't want to see anyone for the rest of the week so they should be free to do what they want.

              Well I am assuming she will be invited to her friend's vow renewal and will have to go to that during her honeymoon? How rude. It's unfair of her friend to ask her to share spotlight that day, week, anything. Her friend needs to have her vow renewal during an entire separate occasion. I don’t care if every single person she wanted at her vow renewal is at her wedding and her location is the exact location she wants it in. There are 52 weeks in a year, pick a different one.
              Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

              I love being a Mrs.!

              #37 *Nadine*

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                Posted 09 November 2009 - 12:36 PM

                I think I disagree with most of the opinions. I would have no problem with a friend using our wedding week as their honeymoon or with friends renewing their vows. The wedding is one day of the week, or at least thats how I look at it. I cant imagine telling my friends and family who have paid all this money to travel for us what to do with their time and vacation -other than the one day of the wedding. And I dont consider my wedding a 'wedding week', 7 days based around myself?! no way. If it does bother you I would just ask that they do the renewal AFTER your wedding so that you can continue to look forward to your wedding and not have their renewal in the middle of your own wedding and excitement.

                Hopefully you figure it out and noones feelings get hurt..

                #38 Woodsylou

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                  Posted 09 November 2009 - 12:38 PM

                  you poor thing, what a situation. i guess it's best to ask her what kind of vow renewal she's planning on, and when. if it is going to be quite a grand affair with lots of guests i do think you have the right to say that you're not really comfortable with it.
                  a UK bride :)

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                  #39 SSNM

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                    Posted 09 November 2009 - 07:31 PM

                    I dont' think the friend would hold it against the OP if she didn't attend her ROV due to her honeymoon being in the same timeframe; I think that is a valid excuse and common sense should tell her that obviously the OP had her own agenda for the week before she new of the ROV. I must say again, most of the guests may not be able to swing two trips for the OP's wedding and the ROV -- in fact, maybe the friend would not be able to do two trips for her ROV and the wedding, but would really like to do an ROV as a vacation. If that is the case, she would have to pick between the two. Consolidating it seems like a sensible option and it can be done without taking away from the bridegroom's glory.

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