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I need to vent & get some moral support :(

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22 replies to this topic

#11 SSNM

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  • 675 posts

    Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:12 PM

    If I can be honest, I don't think you owe your aunt anything just because she gave you a big gift -- other than a thank you card. She gave it because she wanted to, felt comfortable to, and you didn't ask for it. If she gave you $2, you would be expected to be just as greatful as if she gave you $2000. If you are comfortable incorporating her son into some other area of the wedding, then you can do that if it will make you feel better.

    I have a friend who had a Man of Honor as well and I would like to second the idea of mixing men and women on either side of the bridal party to have him closest to you. You can have the two girls as bridesmaids and they should understand that you want your close family member to have the honor role. I also want to second the advice to not stress yourself crazy over this as it really shouldn't be stressful -- it is your wedding :)

    #12 Debs

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    • 7,104 posts

      Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:44 PM

      This is a DW, so in my opinion traditions are out the door. I would say I'm just having all bridesmaids, no MOH. or have your cousin as your guy of honour. Like you said, it'll relieve the pressure!

      #13 kerrij

      • Jr. Member
      • 300 posts

        Posted 04 November 2009 - 05:07 PM

        Originally Posted by Debs
        This is a DW, so in my opinion traditions are out the door. I would say I'm just having all bridesmaids, no MOH. or have your cousin as your guy of honour. Like you said, it'll relieve the pressure!
        Debs took the words right out of my mouth! we've all thrown tradition out the window by having a DW so do what you want! My suggestion is, have JUST your cousin as your Man of Honor and no one else. I agonized over my bridesmaids for 2 or 3 months before coming up with my 3. and now, i really wish that I just went with just one MOH. my agonizing put me from one MOH to 3 and then at one point i was like, ugh i have to have 5 bridesmaids to make everyone happy...in the end i went with 3 but now i wish i went with one. My mom told me i should just have 1 cause it's so much easier, and she was soooo right! lol i still feel bad not asking the other 2...but one of those 2 (the other can't make it) i've given a very special job to be my wedding side kick and even spend the day with us girls...she even gets the job of delivering my FI the card I'm sending him. so shes really pumped for that!
        sorry, i'm getting side tracked here! but i wouldn't ask your younger cousin if you don't want too.....think about who knows you and your FI the best and who you feel you could pick up the phone and call right now and cry to about anything...that should help you pick your answer.
        good luck :)

        #14 jh17

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        • 78 posts

          Posted 04 November 2009 - 06:01 PM

          I agree with Debs as well. I did not have a MOH because it was too hard to decide and one of my bridesmaids was my best friend (who is a guy). He walked down the asile with my other bridesmaid ahead of me and stood on my side for the ceremony. He even put on a dress for his speech at the reception as a joke (everyone was teasing him before asking what he was wearing to the wedding) - he was a really good sport about everything and he was more helpful to me than my female bridesmaids were.
          You are in a really difficult position but it is your wedding and you should do whatever makes you happy!

          #15 simba1234

          • Jr. Member
          • 179 posts

            Posted 04 November 2009 - 07:32 PM

            You guys are so awesome...thanks for all the advice and encouragement. I feel so much better now.

            It never even occured to me the idea of not having a MOH. I think that is the perfect solution. I won't have a MOH that way none of the girls will be offended.

            I'll have my guy cousin in the wedding party whether it's on my side or my FI's side - either way he's close to both of us and everyone knows that he's like a brother to me so he's up there representing me. I was a bridesmaid in his wedding and I can't imagine not having him up there with me on that special day. I can't believe I was even considering not including him just to make **other** people happy. As you have all said it's my day so I should do what makes me happy.

            I'll have my younger cousin do a reading and hopefully that will ease that concern.

            Why do people get crazy when it comes to OTHER people's weddings I don't understand why everyone doesn't just let the bride & groom enjoy that day to the absolute fullest free of judgments, forced traditions and OPINIONS. Thanks for putting things in perspective everyone! :)

            #16 **TIFFANY**

            • Jr. Member
            • 343 posts

              Posted 05 November 2009 - 12:24 AM

              You mentioned that the friend you've had for the longest is married, is the other friend married as well? If the other friend is not married you could have one as the Matron of Honor and one as the Maid of Honor and your cousin as one of the groomsmen. That way you are incorporating them all and not hurting anyone's feelings.

              #17 JessicaANDJermaine

              • Jr. Member
              • 216 posts

                Posted 05 November 2009 - 12:30 AM

                You need to to do what makes YOU happy! I know it's tough but you need to stop worrying about how other people will feel....its your wedding and in the end everybody is coming to celebrate for you and your fiance they should respect your decisions



                #18 jaynreneewed

                • Jr. Member
                • 184 posts

                  Posted 05 November 2009 - 09:38 AM

                  Here is the best advice in the world... It is your wedding, do things the way YOU want. You only get one wedding so screw what everyone else says. I'm running into the same kind of problems. This is your day- your wedding should be fun and exciting for you. This is not a time for drama and fighting. Do whats best for you. No matter what you do people are going to bitch, so just do what makes you happy!!

                  #19 **~Linda~**

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 1,326 posts

                    Posted 05 November 2009 - 09:54 AM

                    Originally Posted by YaelM
                    I think you need to do what you want to do! I say go for haivng your cousin be your best man - i think there is nothing wrong with that! For your younger cousin...could he be incorporated in some other way in the wedding...like being an usher or doing a reading. I guess it comes to whats going to be more difficult for you...haivng him in your wedding party or upsetting your aunt. Could you maybe have your mom talk to your Aunt and mention you want to keep the BP super small...

                    Good luck! Try not to let this ruin your planning process!
                    I agree with this wholeheartedly. You need to do what you need to do for your wedding and to make it a day for you. I understand that you dont want to hurt anyone but it is also a fact that your wedding has to be what you dreamed it to be because it is your day.

                    #20 Meyer2010

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 429 posts

                      Posted 05 November 2009 - 10:13 AM

                      I agree with the other brides! Have your cousin as your "Man of Honor"... I think that is great!! As far as your younger cousin, have him usher or do you have programs/fans to hand out at the ceremony? Maybe by giving him one of those jobs he will feel like a big part of your wedding and your aunt will be happy. That's too bad she is making you feel so crummy! She shouldn't be putting you on such a huge guilt trip. You have enough on your plate! I feel for you!!!

                      Good Luck and keep us posted on what you have decided!!

                      ~ Erica

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