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I need to vent & get some moral support :(


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#1 simba1234

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    Posted 02 November 2009 - 03:36 PM

    I need to vent with someone because I really want to cry because I'm so upset.

    The most stressful part of the wedding has been the bridal party because I don't want to hurt any feelings.

    My oldest friend & I have been friends for 19 years and I was her maid of honor 6 years ago. But in recent years we have grown apart. About 10 years ago she introduced me to my other friend who I am lot closer to now. I would like this other friend to be my MOH but I don't want to hurt/offend my older friend. I really can't choose between the two of them.

    My real choice for a 'maid of honor' would be my guy cousin who I am really close to...he's really like my brother & best friend. He's the person I cried to when I had boy problems or any kind of stress in my life. He's the person I confide in and trust. He's also really close to my FI. If he were a girl he would DEFINETLY be my maid of honor without a doubt. I've been thinking about making him my 'man of honor'. I was also a bridesmaid in his wedding. I really wish he were a girl because this would be so much easier

    The other problem is that my aunt called my mom the other day to ask that her only son (my younger cousin) be included in the wedding party because he's "always wanted to be a groomsmen" and he never gets chosen. I really don't believe he feels that way because I honestly don't think guys care about stuff like that. This cousin is one of my younger cousins and I feel weird including him and not my other cousin who I grew up with and have always been close to. I don't want to include both because my FI already has enough GM. I'm so annoyed that my aunt even asked my mom to include her son... it's putting extra pressure on me that I don't need.

    Those are my two options...chose one friend and hurt the other who has been my friend for more years and introduced us. OR choose my guy cousin who is really my best friend more than any of my girl friends BUT then I upset my aunt.

    I've lost sleep over this. My aunt is a really sweet woman who I love dearly so I don't want to upset her. She's a breast cancer survivor and I think that experience has made her more sensitive than she ever was. Part of me is still upset that she is even putting me in this position instead of letting me do what I want. My aunt is also giving me a very generous gift ( a couple of thousand $$) that I now feel guilty taking if I put my other cousin in the party and not her son. I also don't know how to decline the gift without offending her.

    I just don't know what to do. I just needed to vent and get some moral support

    #2 YaelM

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      Posted 02 November 2009 - 03:56 PM

      I think you need to do what you want to do! I say go for haivng your cousin be your best man - i think there is nothing wrong with that! For your younger cousin...could he be incorporated in some other way in the wedding...like being an usher or doing a reading. I guess it comes to whats going to be more difficult for you...haivng him in your wedding party or upsetting your aunt. Could you maybe have your mom talk to your Aunt and mention you want to keep the BP super small...

      Good luck! Try not to let this ruin your planning process!

      #3 flbluiiis

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        Posted 02 November 2009 - 04:00 PM

        Those are two hard spots to be in. Have you ever mentioned anything to your cousin about being a "man of honor" or seeing how he would feel about it? Obviously, I have no idea how he would feel about it, but I think if someone asked my brothers to be their "man of honor" they would probably say no cause they would feel weird. If he would feel comfortable doing it...then it could solve both your questions. You could ask both of your cousins to be in the wedding because then there would be another person for your side and another for your FI's side. AND you could have both your girlfriends on your side of the wedding party but not have to hurt any feelings between them.

        Good luck! Feel free to vent here any time :)

        #4 simba1234

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          Posted 02 November 2009 - 04:08 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by flbluiiis
          Those are two hard spots to be in. Have you ever mentioned anything to your cousin about being a "man of honor" or seeing how he would feel about it? Obviously, I have no idea how he would feel about it, but I think if someone asked my brothers to be their "man of honor" they would probably say no cause they would feel weird. If he would feel comfortable doing it...then it could solve both your questions. You could ask both of your cousins to be in the wedding because then there would be another person for your side and another for your FI's side. AND you could have both your girlfriends on your side of the wedding party but not have to hurt any feelings between them.

          Good luck! Feel free to vent here any time :)
          I haven't talked to him yet because I wanted to figure out what to do before asking him. I wouldn't make him a 'man of honor' in the traditional sense. I would still have him walk & stand with my FI...wear the same suit as all the groomsmen, etc... I don't even think I would really give him the title of 'man of honor'. The only difference would be that I wouldn't have a 'maid of honor' and my excuse would be that he's the peson i'm closest to and I wanted him to be the one to represent that role symbolically - does that make sense? Do you think that would be weird

          #5 cbell

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            Posted 02 November 2009 - 04:16 PM

            My MOH was an old friend that I'm not as close to now but I asked her to be my MOH because growing up she said she wanted to be. It's been a few months now and since then she's bailed and now isn't even coming to my wedding.... So go with who you are closest to. I don't think it's weird if your cousin is standing with the groomsmen, he's important to you but I'm sure it's more comfortable for him to be on the guy's side. As for the MOH you can certainly just say you're not having one, that you love all your friends and choosing one over the other would seem unfair. If they're your friends they'll be OK with that and not worry about the title. I would also include the other cousin in some manner, doing a reading or being an usher is a great idea. Good luck with your decisions!

            #6 autjo

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              Posted 02 November 2009 - 04:30 PM

              I agree with Yael and think you could have your cousin stand on your side and have the younger cousin act as an usher or do a reading. I really don't think having a mixed bridal party is strange. We are only having our brothers stand with us - FI's bro is the Best Man and will stand on his side; my 2 brothers are Bride's Honor Attendants and will stand on my side. My brothers were super stoked with the idea and have been an absolute pleasure to deal with in the planning process.

              #7 echo2_62

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                Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:04 PM

                I'm not sure how your numbers would work out but what if you just mixed up the wedding party altogether? On your side have guy (cousin), girl, guy and then on your FI's side have girl, guy, girl... or something along those lines. That way you wouldn't have to worry about having your guy cousin feel out of place? And I agree with the other suggestions to maybe try incorporating your younger cousin in to the wedding somehow if you're just not comfortable with having him as part of the wedding party.

                As for your two girlfriends, I think that if you can explain your dilemma to them, they should understand. It is difficult to choose between the long-time friends who you may not see as much and the right-now friends who you see all the time but it sounds like they would know you well enough to realize that you aren't trying to favour one over the other. Although my sister is mostly recognized as my maid of honour, I don't think I ever officially stated that, simply because I felt that if the girls were in my wedding party at all then they didn't need a ranking or title beyond that.

                #8 amandseth

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                  Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:10 PM

                  I've got a bridesman in my wedding, and he is so happy to be standing for me, on my side. Is there a reason you don't want him on your side? I think this sort of thing is becoming quite common, so no one would really think it is weird. By having your true bff as your MOH, you no longer will be risking hurt feelings with the lady friends. And I agree with the others, maybe you can assign the younger cousin to a reading.
                  Annie and Wes, 11.11.09, GRP

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                  #9 shellk

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                    Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:37 PM

                    i can understand you being annoyed totally but please don,t let people upset you like this.you do what you want to do.

                    i think you should have your cousin as your man of honour.if you really want to involve your younger cousin can you not just think of a job for him to do just so he feels involved? how old is he?

                    just think things will be sorted there is light at the end of the tunnel.

                    #10 vlynnw

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                      Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:58 PM

                      I agree with what Yael said, if you cousin is that close to you then he should be standing by your side, and as for your younger cousin see about including him in other aspects of the ceremony. It almost makes it more of an obligation though since she's giving you such a large gift making it more difficult.
                      Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum




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