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Gifts for parents if they aren't paying?

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#1 ebdaniel113

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    Posted 31 October 2009 - 10:20 PM

    Hi everyone!! I don't know if my FI and I are supposed to give gifts to our parents if they are not contributing financially! My parents have given a little money (and I mean LITTLE) and HIS parents have actually taken money from us because they thought we should pay for their trips. FMIL gave me some "hints" about a diamond necklace she wants us to give her for her "gift" and my parents asked that we not give presents to anyone. FMIL is kind of a princess, but I don't think she deserves anything from us, especially because we already gave her a lot of money for her trip. Help!!! Thank you!!

    #2 alkoch

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      Posted 31 October 2009 - 10:30 PM

      Tough situation- my parents are paying for the whole wedding and asked for no gifts while my FIL's are not contributing anything - not that we expected it but we are saving them money by not having a rehearsal dinner and such- but they keep complaining about how expensive the wedding is and how much we are putting them out - and I know they are expecting gifts (probably a diamond necklace like your FMIL) Good luck - these things never work out well IMO.

      #3 DGG

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        Posted 31 October 2009 - 10:39 PM

        If she is not contributing toward your wedding, then I don't think you should feel like you need to get her a gift.. especially if you are already paying toward her trip.. that is already a more than generous gift.. I can't believe she is hinting at what she wants you to get her - even if she was paying for your wedding, I would think that is rude.. sorry you have to deal with that :)
        I think the best way to handle it, is to have FI (or both of you if you are comfortable) explain to her that since you are paying for the entire wedding and have to stick to a budget, that your contribution to her trip will be your gift to her.. maybe if you and FI want give her a card that day, but that's up to you..
        My parents contributed some to the wedding and FI's family contributed a small amount also, but we didn't give them gifts on the day.. we are going to make photo books for them, so that is sort of a gift but we haven't done that yet..

        #4 Erika J

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          Posted 31 October 2009 - 11:37 PM

          Wow, to hint that you want a diamond necklace and then have you pay for thier trip!!!! that is ridic IMO. Wow.

          Fi's parents are hosting the welcome dinner, my dad paid the rest. I wrote each set of parents a thank you note and said I would make them a photobook upon return from Cabo. Then for my dad, I got him a photoshoot for him and my step mom for thier horses with the fab TammyB, since they paid the most. I also did the photo book thank you note for my mom as she only paid for the favors for the wedding.

          #5 Kristy!


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            Posted 01 November 2009 - 12:12 AM

            I would give them something as a thank you for all they've done throughout your lives. But a diamond necklace? Ha ha, no way!

            #6 Sandra&Mario

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              Posted 01 November 2009 - 12:32 AM

              hinting a diamond necklace? she sounds like a bundle of joy to have as a FMIL! oh god. i say you strand a bunch of sparkly beads on fishline and put it in a tiffany box. i would do this...maybe because i'm a horrible person, haha. ok seriously, i think thank you notes and perhaps a nice photo album after the wedding will suffice. even a diamond necklace won't make your princess FMIL happy me, believe me.

              #7 vlynnw

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                Posted 01 November 2009 - 11:25 AM

                I don't think it's necessary to give her an extra gift, as your gift is paying for her trip. The only thing more I might do is to make a nice thank you card for her for being a part of your day.
                Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

                #8 budgetjamaicabride

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                  Posted 01 November 2009 - 11:29 AM

                  A diamond necklace? Oh my gosh!

                  Neither family contributed to our wedding except to pay their way to Jamaica. We had very little money left but gave them little gifts to thank them as parents. More of a symbolic memory thing. Like a nice frame that I had engraved with the location and date (ebay). Less than $30 for each set of parents.

                  #9 Melidell

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                    Posted 01 November 2009 - 12:35 PM

                    I agree with everyone else- paying for their trip is gift enough. I think that if she's expecting more than that she's getting a bit greedy. I also agree that the next time she hints around for a necklace you should tell her that you can't afford to give her any more than you already are and maybe that will nip those "hints" in the bud. Good luck with her!
                    Loving married life!

                    #10 ebdaniel113

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                      Posted 01 November 2009 - 01:20 PM

                      Thank you for the feedback! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy for not wanting to get FMIL a necklace that I couldn't even afford to buy for myself! OY! Weddings sure do bring out the crazy in people, LOL! Thank you!!!

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