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SheaS

venting!!!

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I was originally panicked when FI proposed 2 weeks before my law school graduation and 3 weeks before I start studying for the bar! This was compounded by our decision to set the date as May 25th in MEXICO! (I get stressed all over again just thinking about it). Luckily, FI realized really quickly that something was going to give, and since my future job completely depended on my passing the bar, he has totally taken over wedding planning ... and when I say he took over, i mean he really took over! He has negotiated with our hotel for the date (which, by the way, totally made him my hero because I wanted to get married on a specific date and our hotel doesnt do weddings on Sundays), group hotel rates, reception and welcome diner menue, and save the dates are at the printers!

 

That being said, this is SO NOT normal for him! He was definitely motivated to take the stress off me because he knows how much I have going on right now. The moral of the story is, explain to your FI how stressful this has been for you, and not in the good way! Sometimes guys don't realize the difference between good stress ("I am really torn between aqua and torquise for my bridesmaid dresses") and bad stress ("I don't know what the reception dinner should be because your cousins are all vegans"). I just told mine what I did and didn't want and he just checked in with me before making any final decisions.

 

PS - there is no question in my mind that I am back in charge come July 26th (when I take the bar), but by then, I feel like all the big stuff will be taken care of and I'll be in charge of the fun details :)

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I feel ya sister. Joe goes in spurts of being involved. We're currently in the phase where he doesn't do anything. It's frustrating. It's like they think once you have a date that everything is done! Then i remind FI that there is more work to do and usually he pick up the pace a bit.

 

Have you talked to FI about trying to pitch in more?

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I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I hope that when I become engaged Shawn is at least interested in SOME of the decision making. But, being male, he will procrastinate. One nice thing is that if you are planning to BUY your grooms attire perhaps linen suits will be very cheap come the end of summer. It could wind up saving you money :)

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I am fine with planning most of the wedding- I know what I want. But, I can not ask his friends to be the groomsmen!! And, all I ask is for him to have a clue and know what is going on!! Like I said, when people ask where it is, he turns and looks at me and asks! I am super frustrated right now! We are also remodeling the house/yard right now so that is a disaster. This is becoming way too overwhelming for me.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tlseege View Post
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I hope that when I become engaged Shawn is at least interested in SOME of the decision making. But, being male, he will procrastinate. One nice thing is that if you are planning to BUY your grooms attire perhaps linen suits will be very cheap come the end of summer. It could wind up saving you money :)
I hope so, but I have alread noticed that most of the normal sizes are out of stock. That is the one thing I have asked him to take care of, and NOPE. He hasn't.

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I'm sorry he isn't responding the way you want. As far as him asking his guys to stand up. Guys wait until the last mintue on things so if your still 6 months out I'd just let him tell them when he gets around to it.. And if your out and someone asks you were the wedding is at, and he turns to you, just say "Trace, you tell them"

 

On a side note, we had to have 4 witnesses our wedding and one of them didn't know until we called his name to come and sign the paperwork. Cain never told him..

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I haven't read some of the previous posts - so I apologize if this is a duplicate. I definitely did more than Paul - no doubt. But I gave him specific responsibilities and said they were all him - if he didn't do them, they just wouldn't happen. They were things that he cared about more than I did - I gave him total responsibility over the music, and then everything about the honeymoon and legal ceremony (he arranged it all). This way he felt like he had a part in the big day as well. I also had him help me w/some of the DIY stuff - like he made all of the kids coloring books, and he also did a lot of cutting for me with teh iron of stuff. I didn't have him tie bows or anything though!

 

I definitely got frustrated at times. My thing was, I was fine with just going to the local courthouse and getting married. If I ever felt like he wasn't helping enough - I'd remind him that this is for US - not me, I'd be happy just walking downtown and getting married. That usually was enough!

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Everton pretends to care about the details, I know he is trying for my sake. I did however have a breakdown before he reacted. I think guys really need to be hit over the head about things. I wouldn't be surprised if your fi also thinks there is lot's of time to do things, they seem to have a different perception of time then us. Everton was slow on the suit thing also, until I had my little breakdown, then he played hooky from work phoned me and said he had bought his suit (was awful, but that's another story), but the point is he finally got it. He is really making an effort now, he really doesn't want me in tears again. Good luck, trust me it will all come together as one of the girls here told me when I was having the same issues you are, your fi is not going to be standing at the alter naked, so relax he will get his suit.

 

Kely~

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Ahh! Frustrating! I don't think most men realise how much work a wedding really is - including DW! With the exception of some awesome grooms we've had on this forum, most grooms I know just step back and let the brides do all of the work and they enjoy the day! Uh... no! That's not the way it should be. I love Stephanie's TaDa list - that's SO cute. Do something like that, and spare no details. Let him take responsibility for some of it - he may surprise you. And if he doesn't help, start highlighting some of the list and let him know you'll need to have that done by x date. It might sound Bridezilla-ish, but it's his day too... every single detail. Plus, he should be supporting you with your decisions. Either he steps up and makes his own decisions, or he pitches in with the help.

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