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1 month until our wedding and my grandmother isn't expected to make it past this week

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#11 mlabbe

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    Posted 29 October 2009 - 03:06 AM

    Wow, that gave me chills. I'm so sorry to hear about this - but there also was a lot of positives in there. You have an incredible relationship with her, and she sounds like an amazing woman. She seemed to have lived a wonderful life. And you also seem like an amazing, strong woman. You clearly know what is most important and what isn't. And I think that you know that she would want you to celebrate and be happy no matter what. It will be hard, and nothing can make that go away... I wish you all the best, and I'll be thinking about the two of you.

    #12 Boston Bride 2009

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      Posted 29 October 2009 - 04:53 PM

      Well, here we are on Thursday. My aunt called me at work yesterday to tell me that the hospice nurse didn't think she would make it through the day. She's hanging in there. Let me tell you she is a trooper and she was always the last one at the party. My aunts, uncles, dad, stepmom, and brother have been here for two days with her. I think she just wants us all to hang out with her and have a great time. I think the time with her has brought us all to peace with her making the transition. I'm not sad right now. What I am praying for is her to move on to heaven where she is no longer suffering. I know the sadness will come but I'm more concerned with her at this point.

      I thought of another funny story about her. Just this past weekend on Sunday we got her out of bed to change her jammies and her sheets. We had her sitting in her favorite chair. So like a lady she was sitting with her legs crossed. She had a bunch of friends from her neighborhood coming over so my aunt asked if she wanted some perfume and she said no...I said I know what you want, some lipstick. She always said a lady should always wear lipstick. So I got out her favorite shade of pink and put it on her...she could barely speak but she sure could move her lips around to get the lipstick on correctly.

      Something else that is amazing. She has been on morphine for two days and has not really said much. She has basically been asleep. Yesterday we brought in a great friend of the family who grew up across the street from my grandmother and my aunts and uncles. He is a priest and he has married everyone in our family and did my grandfathers funeral...he is wonderful. We brought him in to do a mass for her and to bless her rosary beads. She didn't do much during the mass but when we were saying the Our Father she was moving her mouth as if she were saying it. It was just amazing to see a woman who is so sick and so weak find the energy from somewhere to say the Our Father. Her committment to her faith is amazing.

      I'm just trying to keep all of the great memories at the front of my mind. We've had some good laughs these past few days and I know she can hear us.

      Thank you all some much for your stories and prayers. It's so touching the support I've received from complete strangers.


      #13 SusieQ

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        Posted 29 October 2009 - 05:07 PM

        oh!!! the meds they give them are so strong, i know my granny was seeing things and saying things that just blew me away. One day she asked for my mom, her oldest daughter, I could barely breathe, my mom had died 15 years prior. I just held her hand and said "granny your the only one that can talk to her now". She then says "I suspose I'll go see her then if she isn't coming to see me". I just couldn't find words to respond.

        Another time she woke from a day and a half of semi coma state to say " I want to come back as a flower you know, not a rose, cause they don't last no time, i want to be a daisy". I am like hell she is stone out of her mind and she is dreaming about daisies. After she died and year later I had a tiny daisy tatooed on my very lower back. it's my way of bringing her back.

        Stay strong girl...... laugh and be happy even though you feel sadness and tears.

        Thinking of you

        #14 IrishgirlinNY

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          Posted 29 October 2009 - 06:15 PM

          I am so sorry for what you are going through. My mom just passed away August 30. It was truly the worst thing in the world. Nothing can make it feel better. Everyone at the funeral told me that it will get better. We had our engagement party planned for Nov 1 and they all said to have it. Your mom would want you to. I cancelled it. Honestly, I would not even have the wedding if I didn't have to, but I know she would be so upset if I cancelled it.

          I know what the feeling is like. Everyone still asking you details about the wedding while you are just there saying,"do you have any idea what I am going through and you are asking about the wedding?" I got engaged one month exactly before my mom died and no one in my family had seen me or the ring since. Everyone coming up to me at the funeral asking to see the ring and when is the wedding. You cant think of anything but my mom (your grandma).

          #15 IrishgirlinNY

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            Posted 29 October 2009 - 06:21 PM

            Sorry, I hit the enter button by accident. Here is the rest of my post....

            It is truly the hardest thing in the world to get through.

            The only thing that keeps me going is that she would want me to have the wedding I want. I am trying to incorporate everyway I can. I am wearing her wedding dress, my niece is wearing a necklace with her (she was cremated),putting her picture on my bouquet and walking down the aisle to my parents wedding song.

            I have come to realize after all the denial and all the anger that I have felt in the past 2 months that I can't have her back here, and that absolutely devastates me to no end. I have to do everything I can to have her at the wedding. She wouldnt want me to be miserable.

            I have so many rough moments, and you will too. Two months later and I still ask why and how could this happen? Why I dont have my mother? You do go on, whether at that moment you want to or not.

            You will make it through. It doesnt seem possible right now, but you do.

            When something like this happens it just reminds us to love those people we love and tell them that. Life is just too short...

            #16 Lady_Di

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              Posted 04 November 2009 - 12:38 PM

              that is so sad...your post really touched my heart.

              you and your grandma have a really unique relationship and you should always cherish it. she'll forever be in your heart, don't forget that!

              #17 Boston Bride 2009

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                Posted 04 November 2009 - 09:51 PM

                Well,today we burried my grandmother. It was the most amazing funeral you could ask for. There were hundreds of people that attended her wake. She knew everyone and touched them in some way. The mayor of Medford, MA came to her funeral that is how much on an impact she made.

                I can't begin to express how amazing and wonderful my grandmother was. I'm in tears right now trying to get my thoughts down. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I'm devastated. I will say that I have an amazing family and an amazing mother. My mom has been divorced from my dad for 24 years(who's mom is the one who passed) and she has been here every step of the way for me and my brother and because sherhad such love for my grandmother even to this day. My mom had a wonderful relationship with my grandmother as my parents were highschool sweethearts. My mom is amazing to spend all this time with her ex in laws.

                I'm so very sad and I don't know what else to say. I think I'll try to write more tomorrow when my mind is more clear. There are so many stories I want to share.


                #18 Boston Bride 2009

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                  Posted 04 November 2009 - 09:56 PM


                  I just read your post. You must be a strong woman to keep going. I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't even begin to put words together for you. She will be there with you, I promise. I know she will. THere will be signs.


                  #19 Vikki

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                    Posted 04 November 2009 - 10:31 PM

                    Your grandmother was an amazing woman. You have been so fortunate to have her in your life. I hope now she is at peace you are able to find peace of your own. She would want that...

                    I lost my grandfather within weeks of announcing my engagement in April. So the first couple months of my wedding planning were overshadowed by helping my mom deal with his estate. We knew he was ailing but had no idea when he went into the hospital that he wouldn't come home. I felt so guilty for even thinking about my upcoming wedding.

                    I know there is no comfort now but I want to share a few silver linings I found in my grandfather's passing. First, I learned more about him than I ever knew before. I traveled back to New York to visit West Point Military Academy where he graduated in 1942 and was Post Engineer later in his career as a full Colonel. Besides his family his military career was the most important accomplishment he ever achieved. He was nominated for General a couple times but because he had never seen combat he was not confirmed. So so so much history I knew existed but didn't understand the significance of before. Second, his legacy allowed for my sister and her husband to join us in Jamaica for the wedding. Something they would not have been able to do before. They live several states away from our family and we don't see them much so the ability for them to share in this special day was the greatest gift my grandfather could have given me-and I know he would have wanted that. Third-because of his passing my mom and I have developed an even closer relationship than we had before as I have shared her grieving process for not only her father but also the mother she lost when she was 18. The healing she has experienced over the last several months is hard to describe but has been a long time coming.

                    You and your family are in my prayers as you move forward - and know that she'll be there with you, always.

                    #20 Geralyn

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                      Posted 04 November 2009 - 10:50 PM

                      First let me say I am so sorry for your loss. My eyes were watering as I read your post. I know this feeling all too well. My father passed away on New Years Eve 2008, 6 months before our wedding. It was very hard to feel excited or happy about the wedding when my family as well as myself was in so much pain from our loss.

                      Your grandmother sounds like she was a truly awesome person. You just have to know that she would want you to be happy on your wedding day and she will defiantly be there with you. It's great that she got to be there for your civil ceremony.

                      It's been 10 months since my dad died and sometimes it still doesn't feel real to me. I still have many days where I just cry because reality hits me that he is gone. People say it gets better with time but it is still so hard for me.

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