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PhillyBride2011

My mom wants to be the photog...

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I was showing her pictures of a previous wedding at our destination and she chimed in with "Oh, I can do that!"

 

Noooo, no she can't do that. Her "experience" is acting as yearbook supervisor at the high school she teaches for two years. No, no that does not qualify you to take my wedding pictures. How exactly can I get this point across without hurting her feelings?

 

Arg...

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Maybe you can let her take a few but still hire a pro and just tell her that (s)he does a certain style of pics that you like. As long as the hired person is not one of those types that don't play well with others, then at least she can take a few pictures but you don't have to deal with the sensitive issue of telling her no. Or have her take some post ceremony pictures but let the pro do key moments.

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I would just tell her that she would miss so much of your wedding if she had to be responsible for the pictures. How would you get all those shots of you guys getting ready together, the pictures of her reaction as you walk down the isle, etc. Not to mention she would be "working" all day and night. She will probably realize that she would miss out on a lot and not want to do it if you explained all that.

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I was going to say something similiar to estella. Let her know that you appreciate the offer, but want her to have the opportunity to just be the mother of the bride and sit back and relax and be able to enjoy the ceremony and reception. Let her know that you don't want her be a "worker" during your wedding. AND let her know that you want her to be in the pictures with you and that won't really work so well if she's the photographer!

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Tell her that you want her to enjoy herself, it's a vacation for her too. I understand your frustration, but try to keep in mind that she's got the best intentions, whether to save you money or the stress of finding a photographer.

This is the same reason I am hiring a day of wedding coordinator. If I didn't, my mom being mrs. organization and volunteer event planner for family/church/school, would be running around taking care of everything, which I would love her for, but I want her to enjoy her daughter's wedding without stressing about vendors being there on time.

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Try this, tell her the average professional wedding camera cost about 3k. Since she probably doesn't have a camera that expensive....tell her they have a lot of digital editing equipment and electronic cards. Plus, she won't be able to enjoy the day if she has to capture every moment with a camera.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhillyBride2011 View Post
I was showing her pictures of a previous wedding at our destination and she chimed in with "Oh, I can do that!"

Noooo, no she can't do that. Her "experience" is acting as yearbook supervisor at the high school she teaches for two years. No, no that does not qualify you to take my wedding pictures. How exactly can I get this point across without hurting her feelings?

Arg...
I just tell her, "Mom I love you and need you to be my "MOM" that day." I'll need you to be there for me supporting me through the most important day of my life. She can't be carrying a camera and having the responsibility of that huge job.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by estella1007 View Post
I would just tell her that she would miss so much of your wedding if she had to be responsible for the pictures. How would you get all those shots of you guys getting ready together, the pictures of her reaction as you walk down the isle, etc. Not to mention she would be "working" all day and night. She will probably realize that she would miss out on a lot and not want to do it if you explained all that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica View Post
I was going to say something similiar to estella. Let her know that you appreciate the offer, but want her to have the opportunity to just be the mother of the bride and sit back and relax and be able to enjoy the ceremony and reception. Let her know that you don't want her be a "worker" during your wedding. AND let her know that you want her to be in the pictures with you and that won't really work so well if she's the photographer!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusieQ View Post
I just tell her, "Mom I love you and need you to be my "MOM" that day." I'll need you to be there for me supporting me through the most important day of my life. She can't be carrying a camera and having the responsibility of that huge job.
my thoughts exactly - she's the Mother of the Bride ... that's an important role in itself! if she's behind the camera, then she won't be in any of the photos ... i'm guessing she doesn't want that either.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by estella1007 View Post
I would just tell her that she would miss so much of your wedding if she had to be responsible for the pictures. How would you get all those shots of you guys getting ready together, the pictures of her reaction as you walk down the isle, etc. Not to mention she would be "working" all day and night. She will probably realize that she would miss out on a lot and not want to do it if you explained all that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusieQ View Post
I just tell her, "Mom I love you and need you to be my "MOM" that day." I'll need you to be there for me supporting me through the most important day of my life. She can't be carrying a camera and having the responsibility of that huge job.
I think these are great responses and also very true! I'm sure you want and need your mom just to be your MOM on your special day, and not your photographer. And if she's behind the camera all day, she just won't be able to do that. Not to mention she won't be in any of the pictures herself. I think if you explain it this way, she'll definitely understand.

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Great responses!

 

Too add to what others have said, I would pre-screen a few photogs (if you are thinking of taking one down) and have her help you make the final decision. Be sure the photographer knows ahead of time about the situation and see how he/she reacts and if they have experience with the situation.

 

You could appoint your mom photog for the week to take candids but leave your wedding day to a pro.

 

You might tell her that the resort doesn't allow outside photographers/unlicensed professionals, something to kind of take you out of the loop.

 

Since her experience is with yearbook layouts, tell her you would rather have her help designing your album. That way she is still involved and it could be a great bonding experience for the two of you.

 

Good luck!

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