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Is it wrong to cut off booking at a certain number of guest ???


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#21 lrdavis23

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    Posted 24 October 2009 - 01:40 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by classadiva
    The thing is...you just never know. I was in a wedding three years ago in Jamaica where the bride thought that her co-workers, distant family and mere aquaintances would not come. Well...a wedding that was supposed to be for 100 people...turned into a destination wedding for over 200 people!!! As a result, we have a "must invite" list and even that is at 150 invites. FI's mother keeps saying that most of her family can't attend. I wonder if she knows what she is talking about. Everyone that I have spoken to....wants to come!!! EEK!! LOL.
    OMG this sounds like me lol... some of my co-workers that i assumed wouldn't come are coming lol... and some of my friends that I didn't think would come are coming. now its not that I didnt want them to come but I just assume they wouldn't.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by classadiva
    With respect to the OP...can I play devil's advocate? In this case, the bride had a cut-off date of October 15th to RSVP. Why can't she cut it off? No....I don't think that this is the ideal situation....and I would be loathe to do it...but technically, she kept the option to attend open until October 15th....right? This is why we have RSVP dates.
    I didn't ever think I would even be in this predicament, its a blessing but it has thrown me off
    Married June 18, 2010 @ Dreams Punta Cana

    #22 Keek

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      Posted 24 October 2009 - 01:51 PM

      Speaking as a non-bride, I can't help but think of this from a guest's perspective. Imagine if this was you. You get a "Save the Date!" in the mail, and think, "Yeah! I deserve a vacation, and I'll get to see my friend/ family member get married too! How nice!"

      And when you try to book, you are refused... because the bride "didn't think you would really come"?? I would be so hurt and feel like a second-class person. There is little sense in inviting people if you don't really care if they come or not, and start to fret about how much they are costing you if they dare to take you up on the invitation you made.

      I honestly think you have to live with however many people do decide to come, and that there is no way to "politely un-invite" people. Sorry.

      #23 SSNM

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        Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:09 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Future Mrs. Kt Ellis
        But at this point its not about saving face. Her "A" list was this big, these are the people they couldn't not invite, so they should be thrilled that so many of these special people want to spend their day with them. And sure, they may have to rearrange some things, plans may have to be tweaked some from what they had wanted in the first place. Like having a cocktail reception after the wedding then a private dinner(which I have seen with a couple married in Maui and it looked so incredibly romantic) then getting together for dancing somewhere after. Or even doing the wedding earlier in the day so that a dinner is not expected. They have a lot of options that don't require offending and hurting people that they care about enough to put on the "A" list.
        I agree there are definately some options to do this in an 'ettiquette friendly' way, to use my previous term, to control the budget while accomodating all of the guests. I still don't think someone should be offended or hurt by someone else's limited funds.

        To address Classdiva's previous argument, while it may be possible to pull the 'RSVP' card, it may not help given that the OP is trying to cut it off at a certain NUMBER of people, not by a certain date. Also, if the wedding date and the 'RSVP by date' are very far apart, it may still look bad, i.e. why does a guest have to make such an big financial/time commitment so far in advance or risk being cut off? I know I probably would not be sure if I could make such a commitment until 1-2 months before as my money and time constraints can vary quite a bit in a year. If I was told I needed to let them know 8 - 10 months before I would just decline the invite.

        #24 heartbeat

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          Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:21 PM

          I’m going to have to say yes it would be wrong ( sorry for being so blunt)… I would personally feel a lit hurt if I got invited to share one of the happiest days with someone and then was told I was no long able to go. I understand that it may blow your budget a bit but hopefully you stay under 80 :fingerscrossed: I think that SSNM made some pretty good suggestion. I hope it all works out.

          #25 Sheree10

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            Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:32 PM

            Destination weddings are a little tricky. We sometimes invite people just out of courtesy even if we know they can't/won't attend. But we should all be careful... we may in for a surprise. We invited about 150ppl and we plan to have around 50 people attend. We won't request the RSVP's until the spring so we have to wait and see. I say, "The more the merrier" but I also feel the more we have the less we can do( welcome dinner vs. welcome reception, oot bags, nice favors, etc.) So if we get half of our guest list=75/80 we will have to pay more and I will have to save more but if people are willing to travel and pay so much for us, I will have to make it happen( I already got a second job).
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            BRIDE + GROOM + 60 GUESTS!!

            #26 Sheree10

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              Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:34 PM

              Once you send out the STD's it would be poor etiquiette to not to send an invite or turn away a guest.
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              BRIDE + GROOM + 60 GUESTS!!

              #27 lrdavis23

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                Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:37 PM

                For me I had planned the budget, reception location, decor, gifts, excursions for our guest, a welcome dinner etc.... so the reason it affects the budget is not just the reception food, because when you add more guest it affects the cost of everything such as OOT bags, favors, reception cost, ceremony and reception decor, entertainment, excursions, the welcome dinner, etc... we had planned on making this a fun filled event for our guest by doing alot of extra little things for 50-60 people so we have to definitely adjust.

                I will be rearranging some things lol..... I have already started looking at ways to do things differently and how we can cut cost in other areas. I have discussed this with my family and they are willing to help with anything necessary to make this work. I do think it will be super fun with alot of people and we will have the time of our lives.

                I don't want anyone to think I am not happy or grateful for all the love that are family and friends have for me and FI... and it truly is a blessing. It is just very stressful sometimes when plans change, whether its money, location or details, etc....

                I love this forum because it allows us to encourage each other and helps us get through the stressful times. thank you all for the advice it really has help me. I feel confident that things will work out and I will not be cutting booking off.
                Married June 18, 2010 @ Dreams Punta Cana

                #28 Sheree10

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                  Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:46 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by lrdavis23
                  For me I had planned the budget, reception location, decor, gifts, excursions for our guest, a welcome dinner etc.... so the reason it affects the budget is not just the reception food, because when you add more guest it affects the cost of everything such as OOT bags, favors, reception cost, ceremony and reception decor, entertainment, excursions, the welcome dinner, etc... we had planned on making this a fun filled event for our guest by doing alot of extra little things for 50-60 people so we have to definitely adjust.

                  I will be rearranging some things lol..... I have already started looking at ways to do things differently and how we can cut cost in other areas. I have discussed this with my family and they are willing to help with anything necessary to make this work. I do think it will be super fun with alot of people and we will have the time of our lives.

                  I don't want anyone to think I am not happy or grateful for all the love that are family and friends have for me and FI... and it truly is a blessing. It is just very stressful sometimes when plans change, whether its money, location or details, etc....

                  I love this forum because it allows us to encourage each other and helps us get through the stressful times. thank you all for the advice it really has help me. I feel confident that things will work out and I will not be cutting booking off.
                  I agree with you, it's not just about the reception meal. The DW can be be much more intimate with a smaller number. I would make a list of things that you must have and then one with things that you would like pending the number of guests that attend. Iniatially, I wanted to do a welcome dinner and a farewell breakfast- that's too much especially since our resort is not all inclusive. So I've put a hold on some of the extra stuff until I get a final count. If we have have a huge number I'll keep the welcome event low ley- meet up in the lounge or bar the night before. ALso you have to think about the Oot bags... transporting more items. The airlines have changed their rules only one bag allowed and you have to pay for a second. SO much to think about!!... the list goes on and on.
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                  BRIDE + GROOM + 60 GUESTS!!

                  #29 lrdavis23

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                    Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:56 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Sheree10
                    I agree with you, it's not just about the reception meal. The DW can be be much more intimate with a smaller number. I would make a list of things that you must have and then one with things that you would like pending the number of guests that attend. Iniatially, I wanted to do a welcome dinner and a farewell breakfast- that's too much especially since our resort is not all inclusive. So I've put a hold on some of the extra stuff until I get a final count. If we have have a huge number I'll keep the welcome event low ley- meet up in the lounge or bar the night before. ALso you have to think about the Oot bags... transporting more items. The airlines have changed their rules only one bag allowed and you have to pay for a second. SO much to think about!!... the list goes on and on.
                    I agree Sheree10, it is alot to think about and I am going to take your approach and make a list of must haves, and optional things pending number of guest. I think the first thing I would cut would be the private welcome dinner like you said and just have an informal gathering at the bar/lounge. I may also have to cut paying for an excursion for all our guest wheewww I don't event want to think about how much that would cost to pay for 80-100 guest to go on an excursion lol.... but I think by teh end of December I will have a better idea of how many people will really be there, give or take a couple guest may book at the last minute but most people need more time to make payments.

                    Has anyone had guest book a month or 2 before the trip ?
                    Married June 18, 2010 @ Dreams Punta Cana

                    #30 rodent

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                      Posted 24 October 2009 - 05:46 PM

                      have they put down deposits? So many people told me they were planing to come, but almost all backed out. The truth is, I was relieved. I didn't really want many more than 30 people. We ended up having something like 24 including us. But, at one point I was panicing that 65 were going to show up.

                      I'd just come up with areas to cut, like OOT bags. You can do just a travel mug with a few things inside it instead of a full blown bag. You can charter a van for a group excursion instead of pay per person.

                      A way to cut down on the reception, would be to have a sunset ceremony. The sun will set late on your wedding day (around 830pm). You can have a 730 ceremony and a party on the beach as the sun sets. Then everyone will just grab dinner at the hotel before the ceremony. I think a beach party with drinks & a band would be much more fun than a big dinner together.




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