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Is it wrong to cut off booking at a certain number of guest ???


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#11 SSNM

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    Posted 24 October 2009 - 12:31 AM

    That is definately a toughy. I was so afraid of that happening to me that I only plan on inviting the amount of people I can afford to host. I did toy with the same thought as you, which was to invite people but cap it at the first 'X' amount of people that booked, but I was told that would be poor form.

    If it does become a desperate situation where you REALLY can't afford to host 150 people, then the only 'ettiquette friendly' options I think you have is

    (a) Cancel the wedding and turn it into an elopement with an AHR afterwards; just say that you had to do it due to 'unforseen circumstances.'

    (B) If you have a bridal party or keen family/friends, maybe they can throw you a stag n' doe; i.e. a party where funds are raised for the bridegroom's wedding. I know it is controversial and there are those who would say it is tacky, especially for a DW, but there are a lot of people who do it and it may help offset some costs. Here is a thread on the topic where you can get some ideas on what you can do for it and some etiquette issues surrounding it: http://bestdestinati....ot-have-45280/

    © Downscale the wedding. The cheapest way I can think to do it is that you could have the ceremony in the evening with cocktails and/or cake, and champange. Afterwards, everyone can go take a hiatus and grab some grub while you and your new hubby take pictures. Have a nice romantic dinner for two in your room while everyone is doing their thing, and then plan to all meet and head to the disco for dancing as a group. Have the DJ there announce you are recently married and have a first dance. Then everyone gets drunk and parties. Certainly not your typical wedding but you are doing all-inclusive at a respectable resort, so there is going to be stuff to do and people will have fun regardless.

    Although I do agree that it is wonderful that you have so many people who would want to share in your special day, there is also the issue of practicality; you don't want to break the bank on this and no one should expect you to.

    I hope that it works out for you in the end. Keep us posted :)

    #12 *kellis*

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      Posted 24 October 2009 - 12:38 AM

      Its hard trying to estimate the reality of how many people you invite compared to how many will come and a DW makes it harder. But to be safe you should always expect that more people will come than less. We have a venue that can accommodate 150 comfortably, and while we don't plan on that many people being there, I definitely wouldn't choose anything much smaller if I plan on inviting 75-100 people.
      But since you already went ahead and sent out STD's, cutting off the booking would be like rescinding invitations for half the people you invited. Not to sound harsh but your guests shouldn't suffer for a lack of foresight on your end.
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      #13 breeze616

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        Posted 24 October 2009 - 12:38 AM

        I also have to agree that you can't cap the booking. If you sent the STD you kinda have to let them come. I'm sure you'll still be saving a ton of money by doing the DW, and you never know, lots of people cancel last minute.

        Thank you for posting this though, bc I might re-think my big invite list... I too had only heard of an average of 1/3 of the people coming (usually less) so I was going to invite a lot too!

        Hope everything works out for you!! Just enjoy all the love!!

        #14 SSNM

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          Posted 24 October 2009 - 12:43 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by lrdavis23
          I think I'm just so caught off gaurd, shocked and amazed at the same time, I invited 150 thinking I would only get no more than 50-60. My other friend who got married in Aruba invited 300 and she got 35 guest that attended, you invited 200 and got 27. so i thought i was ok with sending out 150 STD's.
          After re-reading this post and the previous post you responded to with this, I couldn't help but notice that Aruba and Turks and Caicos (where the other poster is getting married) are expensive destinations. Therefore, it is natural that many people would not be able to afford the trip and they would, as a result, weed themselves out. Dominican Republic is relatively inexpensive, so the more likely that more people can afford to go (that is why I am strongly considering it).

          #15 SSNM

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            Posted 24 October 2009 - 12:53 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Future Mrs. Kt Ellis
            Not to sound harsh but your guests shouldn't suffer for a lack of foresight on your end.
            No, they shouldn't, and it sucks. But to that end, shall a bridegroom go bankrupt to save face? It is one thing if the money is there, but if it really isn't, what can you do? I am sure this is not the first time a bridegroom set out to plan a wedding and then found out down the road that the cost was way more than they bargained for. That pretty much happened to me when planning a local wedding and there is no way in 9 hells would've gone in debt to save face. Fortunately, I didn't send out invitations, but I did tell everyone that plans were on hold while I re-assess my options and thus how I came to start planning a DW. Sometimes, sh*t happens and we have to roll with the punches.

            #16 *Meagan*

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              Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:17 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by lrdavis23
              I think I'm just so caught off gaurd, shocked and amazed at the same time, I invited 150 thinking I would only get no more than 50-60. My other friend who got married in Aruba invited 300 and she got 35 guest that attended, you invited 200 and got 27. so i thought i was ok with sending out 150 STD's. I am very happy that so many peolple want to be apart of our day, its just hard trying to re-evaluate what I planned and money also plays apart of course, it just adds more stress to the already stressful wedding planning lol..... but I think in the end whats going to happen is, the booking won't be cut off and we will get additional help from our parents if the budget becomes overwhelming
              Def. That is what we have booked right now is the 27 and waiting for a few more. But I def didnt know what to expect. And I know what you mean by being unsure.

              I think I may be confused in where all your costs are going to? Like why so expensive? Are you and FI paying for everyones trips?

              #17 SuzyQ76

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                Posted 24 October 2009 - 02:42 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by future_mrs2010
                Def. That is what we have booked right now is the 27 and waiting for a few more. But I def didnt know what to expect. And I know what you mean by being unsure.

                I think I may be confused in where all your costs are going to? Like why so expensive? Are you and FI paying for everyones trips?
                Well I know at our resort if you want to have your dinner in an a la carte restaurant there is a 40 person maximum, and when you go over that max you are forced to do a private dinner...that adds HUGE bucks to the budget, so I can totally understand the freaking out - except I think her max is 80 but she may reach over that!
                I know I'm freaking over my situation, which is almost the same but on a smaller scale ;o)
                We invited 100 are at the 35 mark and have that 40 person max in the restaurant - I didn't budget for a private dinner/reception...so it sucks, and I still don't know what I'm going to do...In my defense the 40 person max was a "Surprise" that was not really mentioned until I found out other gals were having a problem!
                Quietly, to myself, I'm praying and crossing my fingers and toes that we won't go over, but there are still a bunch of people who say they're coming but haven't booked!! Ugh, I don't even want to think about it until I have to! lol
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                #18 classadiva

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                  Posted 24 October 2009 - 11:24 AM

                  Wow....this is my biggest fear. As I have to pay a per person fee for my reception as I am not at an all-inclusive, I am scared that we will go waaaay over too. I plan to send out 150 STD's but only want 100 people MAX!!! If 60 show up great. The thing is...you just never know. I was in a wedding three years ago in Jamaica where the bride thought that her co-workers, distant family and mere aquaintances would not come. Well...a wedding that was supposed to be for 100 people...turned into a destination wedding for over 200 people!!! As a result, we have a "must invite" list and even that is at 150 invites. FI's mother keeps saying that most of her family can't attend. I wonder if she knows what she is talking about. Everyone that I have spoken to....wants to come!!! EEK!! LOL


                  With respect to the OP...can I play devil's advocate? In this case, the bride had a cut-off date of October 15th to RSVP. Why can't she cut it off? No....I don't think that this is the ideal situation....and I would be loathe to do it...but technically, she kept the option to attend open until October 15th....right? This is why we have RSVP dates.

                  #19 lrdavis23

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                    Posted 24 October 2009 - 01:11 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by SSNM
                    No, they shouldn't, and it sucks. But to that end, shall a bridegroom go bankrupt to save face? It is one thing if the money is there, but if it really isn't, what can you do? I am sure this is not the first time a bridegroom set out to plan a wedding and then found out down the road that the cost was way more than they bargained for. That pretty much happened to me when planning a local wedding and there is no way in 9 hells would've gone in debt to save face. Fortunately, I didn't send out invitations, but I did tell everyone that plans were on hold while I re-assess my options and thus how I came to start planning a DW. Sometimes, sh*t happens and we have to roll with the punches.
                    we too had planned a wedding here locally and put a deposit on a hotel contract and everything, but the budget grew tremendously and we could not see stressing and spending that much money for 1 day.. luckily we didn't send invites for that, so we cancelled and changed to a DW to cut cost in half.
                    Married June 18, 2010 @ Dreams Punta Cana

                    #20 *kellis*

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                      Posted 24 October 2009 - 01:38 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by SSNM
                      No, they shouldn't, and it sucks. But to that end, shall a bridegroom go bankrupt to save face? It is one thing if the money is there, but if it really isn't, what can you do? I am sure this is not the first time a bridegroom set out to plan a wedding and then found out down the road that the cost was way more than they bargained for. That pretty much happened to me when planning a local wedding and there is no way in 9 hells would've gone in debt to save face. Fortunately, I didn't send out invitations, but I did tell everyone that plans were on hold while I re-assess my options and thus how I came to start planning a DW. Sometimes, sh*t happens and we have to roll with the punches.
                      No one should put themselves in huge debt for a wedding. I'm of the opinion that if you have limited funds, it is better to have a small wedding that is affordable and save that money for something for your life together, such as buying a house.
                      But at this point its not about saving face. Her "A" list was this big, these are the people they couldn't not invite, so they should be thrilled that so many of these special people want to spend their day with them. And sure, they may have to rearrange some things, plans may have to be tweaked some from what they had wanted in the first place. Like having a cocktail reception after the wedding then a private dinner(which I have seen with a couple married in Maui and it looked so incredibly romantic) then getting together for dancing somewhere after. Or even doing the wedding earlier in the day so that a dinner is not expected. They have a lot of options that don't require offending and hurting people that they care about enough to put on the "A" list.

                      I don't know about the rest of the brides on this forum but I have had to rearrange and compromise many times in the process of planning the wedding and I haven't even gotten down to the details. It may have not been your first choice to do things a way that would be affordable while still allowing everyone to come, but in the end you may have a better time and your wedding could be more incredible because of it.
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