Family Issues...

[Jewels93]

I am right there with you. So far only my dad (My fam lives in Cali) can go but all of my fiance's family (lives in FL) is willing to travel to be there. I just think it might be weird if only 1 person from my side of the family is there. My family wants us to go to the court house to wed & have a nice family dinner at a restaurant  then go off on our honeymoon. But my dream is to have a DW in the DR. So I am thinking of inviting only our closest friends to the DR. I am thinking about doing the legal paperwork at home in a courthouse & having the symbolic ceremony in the DR.

[Andreanna]

Ugh. Last night we talked to my fiance's parents about the DW. My family is treating it like a reunion because we all live so far apart. His brothers are all for it and said they'd do what they had to to be there--even the one who is having money worries. But we always knew that the big sell would be his parents. 

 

It could have gone worse, but we were both upset with their attitudes about it. They had wanted something at home so they could have a family reunion with their siblings and nieces/nephews/cousins/friends (people we don't even know and probably wouldn't have invited anyway) and were disappointed with our choice. In the end, what I found worked reasonably well was meeting all of their comments with assertiveness. "This is what would really make us happy, and while it would be so special if you were there, we understand that not everyone can make it. We'll have videos of it online and plenty of pictures so you can still be a part of this happy moment." That effectively removed the unspoken threat of "well if we don't go, you can't have it."

 

The rest of their arguments were met in kind. "We're sorry people feel disappointed, but in ten years, when we are looking back at the video, are we going to remember how special and happy we were, or that we tried making everyone happy and were exhausted?"

 

When they said it was expensive, we said we could give them money instead of birthday, christmas, and mother's/father's day presents for the next year and a half. That nipped their pride enough that they said they'd "scrape up enough to go". Which was as sideways an acceptance of an invitation as I have ever heard.

 

They haven't flown since their own honeymoon, so when they brought up how uncomfortable planes were, I added that my 80 year old grandmother was going, even though she hates flying, hasn't been on a plane in 15 years, and has terrible arthritis.

 

In the end, I think they really want their children to be happy and are adult enough to realize that not everyone can be made happy the same ways. I think they'll go, but I'm mad that they're adding more stress and upsetting their son with the threat of their non-attendance.

 

To everyone dealing with family: Stick to your guns! If they truly love you, how can they not want you to be happy? If they decide not to go, their choice. We are all adults and the days where we are responsible for other people's enjoyment and expectations are over.

[Barkles]

I've been having the same problem in the end enjoy your day

[Ms Di]

Just remember it is your and your soon to be spouse's day...don't let anything spoil it