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Family Issues...

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#1 SheaS

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    Posted 01 July 2007 - 07:28 PM

    I was just wondering if anyone has the same issues we are having, and am wondering what they did about it. Trace and I combined have 7 sibilings- 5 of which are going to struggle to pay to come to the wedding. Yesterday one of his brothers (the best man) came to him and told him that he was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to make it. This really bites because if we were to pay for him, we would have to pay for all of them.

    Did anyone hae a wedding where a sibling was unable to attend? If so, was it weird? I think we are going to do what we can do to help him attend, and I hope he is able to... but we just don't know. I understand not everyone I want there is going to be able to go-

    #2 jesswins

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      Posted 01 July 2007 - 07:40 PM

      That's tough. To me it's important for my family to be there. Maybe you can discuss his finanacial situation. How long are you hoping for him to come? Maybe he can come only for the weekend to lessen costs. You are getting married in January which is like 6-7 months away which seems like a reasonable amount of time to save some money. My aunt told me she wanted to either pay for my wedding dress or honeymoon and I told her I would rather her use the money to help her kids, my cousins and their families, to attend the wedding as my family being there is very important to me. I am sure something will work out. Just remember not to stress too much and remember to enjoy this time.
      Good luck,

      #3 *JillD*

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        Posted 01 July 2007 - 07:46 PM

        we are having similar issues. My sister was supposed to be my BM and can't come because she's pregnant. FI's sister can't come because of money and also because she just graduated and needs to find a job. FI's brother also can't come because of money. We offered them $500 towards their trip, but they are having some money problems and just arent' going to be able to do it. We're sad that they won't be there, but we also gave people plenty of time and if they really wanted to be there, they would do whatever they needed to do. This is our wedding and this is what we wanted and we would have done it whether 100 people came or if it was just the two of us.

        you have to do whats best for you

        #4 MikkiStreak

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          Posted 01 July 2007 - 08:12 PM

          Only 1 of the 6 memebers of my family are going to make it. In FI's family, 1 of his siblings won't even consider attending, and there's another one that I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't make it too.

          When this first came up, I was extremely hurt. I helped raise one of my brothers kids and attended every important event for his family from dance recitals to being in his own wedding. My other brother, I had hosted his wedding reception and handled everything myself from making the food to decorating, etc... for his wedding. My parents I can understand because of age and health. But it didn't lessen the fact that I was offended by everyone's disinterest and ambivilance.

          I know this sounds callous, but eventually I realized that it just didn't matter to me whether they were there or not. I could jump an airplane tomorrow and elope and be just as happy as I would if everyone on our guest list did attend.

          #5 Can'tHardlyWait

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            Posted 01 July 2007 - 08:24 PM

            That IS really tough... I think the only sadness I have experienced planning this wedding is finding out that the people you love (and could afford the trip) won't be bothered. Personally, my family means the world to me. FI and I agreed early on that we wouldn't do a DW if our parents and siblings couldn't be there, but that's only because I know it's just as important to them to be there as it is for us. My parents are really struggling to get money together to be able to attend the wedding but a year is a loooong time so they will be ok... Long story short (I tend to ramble sometimes) you guys should talk to your FI's brother and see if he genuinely can't afford the trip or if it would just be a strain. Sometimes all the time in the world isn't enough if you need the money for essentials like rent and food. In that situation, if you can afford it (ONLY if you can afford it) I would offer to help him out regardless of all the other siblings.

            #6 rodent


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              Posted 01 July 2007 - 09:52 PM

              I think that often when people say they can't afford something they really mean its not a priority for their money. I will often say I can't afford to do something because I would rather spend my money in some other way. This may not be the case with your family, but its something to consider.

              #7 rodent


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                Posted 01 July 2007 - 09:54 PM

                I hope that didn't sound bad. I don't mean that they don't care about going to the wedding, but maybe they are not that interested in visiting Mexico so they would rather save money for what they are really excited about.

                #8 michelle08

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                  Posted 01 July 2007 - 11:18 PM

                  Originally Posted by mlb36
                  I hope that didn't sound bad. I don't mean that they don't care about going to the wedding, but maybe they are not that interested in visiting Mexico so they would rather save money for what they are really excited about.
                  I don't think that sounded bad...I totally understand! Your priorities aren't the same as everyone else's. I think too that Mexico is scary for alot of people. I still don't really understand it myself, but through this planning of mine I am realizing that some people just have no interested to go to Mexico. So I think the wedding part of it often gets overlooked when they are thinking and the Mexico/traveling becomes their primary focus and that is what the decisions are based on...

                  #9 dragonfly

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                    Posted 01 July 2007 - 11:55 PM

                    I understand what you are going through right now. Everton's family didn't make our wedding a priority and it truly hurt my feelings. Everton is most hurt by his brother, but there is nothing we can do so we have to remember what this day is about and if we can help in any way we do, and if we can't then marry the man you love and take lots of pictures and video's to share with the people you love who couldn't be there.

                    I also think there is nothing wrong with helping one person in a family, and not others. I paid for !/2 my nephews trip to help out my sister. I expect that my brother wouldn't care, and if he does oh well, all you can do is to try to do the best you can do!


                    #10 TracyK

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                      Posted 02 July 2007 - 12:34 AM

                      My soon to be MIL and my only sibling will not get on an airplane if it were to save their lives. We are considering having the legal ceremony here at the courthouse the week before we leave. I really do not want those two to miss out on this important event in our lives. However, I really want to get married in Mexico. We are still deciding.

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