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Have people questioned your reason for doing a DW?

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#21 Meyer2010

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  • 429 posts

    Posted 23 October 2009 - 12:00 AM

    Wow... after reading this it was like deja vu all over again! We went through the same thing. My FI's family was the most cooperative. They just hung back after our engagement and waited for us to tell them when and where. The day after our engagement, I had 6 emails from my family and many phone calls asking details and what "church" in my hometown would we be getting married in? That's when you would have thought someone had died! They didn't understand why we wanted a DW and Mexico? The swine flu is down there and there are bad people down there and it's unsafe. Blah blah blah! We heard it all.

    BUT, I'll never forget the words my dad told me "Erica, I will walk you down any aisle in any part of the world!" I love my dad! He is 200% supportive!!!!

    We didn't plan on having an AHR when we got back either but after hearing all of our family complaining because they couldn't go, we decided to have one. So we will play our wedding video and I will wear my dress. That should make "them" happy.

    Brides, please remember this is "YOUR DAY" so make it special and do things "YOUR WAY" and everything will perfect in "YOUR LIFE"!!!!

    *HUGS* and Good Luck!

    ~ Erica

    #22 sunstarsmoon

    • Sr. Member
    • 2,233 posts

      Posted 23 October 2009 - 09:56 AM

      Its nice to read that this is so common and I am not alone. This is our 2nd marriage for both of us, we had the big hometown wedding many many years ago, this is not for us, we love to travel, every single family member and friend know this, when we told them we were going to get married on an island every single person said OF COURSE YOU ARE, thats what you love, well the planning began and so did the why don't you have a nice garden wedding here and go to Jamaica for your honeymoon. I have stopped talking about the wedding, since every single time I do, there is a comment about the price, or time of year, blah blah blah.

      After all the whinning I decided to start thinking about a AHR, then I took the time and went thru that topic here and realized that I would be doing one for them not me. So I have canned that idea. When we get home I may have a few close family and friends over to look at pics etc. I am not going to make a big deal out of it.

      What it boils down to is this is your wedding do what will make you happy. For us getting married here is not what we want and would regret it
      July 8, 2011, Couples Sans Souci Ocho Rios, Jamaica

      #23 echo2_62

      • Sr. Member
      • 1,049 posts

        Posted 23 October 2009 - 11:32 AM

        sunstarsmoon - I am totally with you about not having an AHR for the sake of everyone else. FI's mom is trying to convince us to do a big family dinner in manitoba afterwards, but we're really not even up for that (it would be about 35 family members I think - all FI's since mine live in ontario).

        I think to satisfy their family, and just for my own family enjoyment, we're going to have a friend record our ceremony so that we can make DVD's to send out to everyone. I was planning on doing a little announcement card with a couple wedding photos for my family anyways so including the DVD won't be a big addition either.

        #24 egsarah

        • Jr. Member
        • 355 posts

          Posted 23 October 2009 - 11:56 AM

          I've been going through the same thing! FI's family is unbelievably supportive. They have been fantastic through the whole thing and are so excited to come. My family on the other hand...what a disaster. My dad asked the other night "how many extended family members are coming" I said none, I didn't really expect them to come. (one we are NOT close and two some of them have never left the state let alone the country). My dad's response...thats what happens when you pick somewhere that old people can't get to.(Which neither of my parents want to come...but thats a whole different issue) Okay wait one minute here...when did 50 become OLD! And...I live in Texas, my FI's family lives in Indiana, and my family lives in Massachusetts. Some group of people would have had to travel REGARDLESS!! So we tried to make it fun. Why not spend a little bit more and get an actual vacation in a beautiful place?! Plus it's about OUR day!

          Sorry for the rant/vent...but I just find it so frustrating that people have to be such downers. We've gotten to the point..if you don't like it DON'T COME!

          #25 breeze616

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,760 posts

            Posted 23 October 2009 - 12:11 PM

            Every bride will get flack for the DW. I sure have. I don't think my FI's parents are going to come, and FI is ok with that, so I will be too.

            We MAY have an AHR if they don't come, but I'm not announcing that until shortly before we leave because I want people to come.

            Even at-home brides get flack for SOMETHING regarding their wedding. So don't stress about it. It's all about you baby.

            #26 amyrot

            • Jr. Member
            • 188 posts

              Posted 23 October 2009 - 02:56 PM

              Wow I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in this. So....my FI finally talked to his mom without me again to really ask them if this whole thing is a burden on them and what THEIR feelings were...not rumors that we've been hearing. She was very supportive and she said they're all excited to have a family trip with all of the siblings. So...that was a relief. My fiance would never get married without his parents there.... My future MIL ended up emailing me and suggested I tell people that 'when they get married they can do it their way"...and I couldn't keep my mouth shut so I ended up telling her that it was HER sister that tried to talk me out of it! She replied that her sister is just upset she can't go because of the cost, and I'm not even going to write her back. You know, BE upset, but don't talk the freaking bride out of the whole thing and make me feel like crap!
              ugh, so anyway, its all still 'on'! We are doing the AHR and thats all pretty much planned..I am looking forward to it even though its all going to be way more than we wanted to spend!

              #27 amdecker

              • Jr. Member
              • 169 posts

                Posted 23 October 2009 - 03:41 PM

                I have had this same issue as other brides have mentioned. My biggest gripper was my grandmother. She went on 2 vacations out of the country right before my wedding but didn't want to come to the wedding because it was "too expensive and she didn't want to do an all-inclusive because she didn't eat that much". REALLY? I guess there is always one in every family. It irritated me but at the end of the day, I had a great group of people who came to the wedding and it was the best day. I wouldn't change a thing.

                All I can say to the naysayers in my family is this, "No swine flu, no terrorists, no hijackings, just the best time ever!"

                #28 simba1234

                • Jr. Member
                • 179 posts

                  Posted 25 October 2009 - 01:52 PM

                  Only the people that didn't matter questioned it. The people that matter said they wouldn't miss it for the world no matter where it was.

                  My family was so easy - we've had a few DW's in my family so they were just ready and excited about another chance to spend time together. Right after we got engaged, my cousin who is more like my brother said "I will be at your wedding weather it's in China, Russia or Iraq"...

                  I was a little worried about my FI's family only because they're not big travelers but they were so supportive and excited from the beginning and his mom said that they would all be there no matter where we decided to have it.

                  The only ppl who have questioned it are acquaintances and ppl who I wouldn't really care if they went or not anyway.

                  I think that the ppl who matter realize that it's your day and will be supportive.

                  Some ppl may also question it because it's a 'new thing' but trust me I saw ppl question my cousin's decision to have a DW until they got there and had the time of their LIVES...now those are the same ppl who can't stop raving about it.

                  You have to just let people's comment's roll off your back and remember what this is all really about.

                  #29 Jennyco116

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                  • 115 posts

                    Posted 25 October 2009 - 11:37 PM

                    All I can say is keep your head held high and your eye on the prize. When you and your hubby look back at your wedding pics with the beautiful sand and georgeous ocean in the background you will know that you made the right decision. What it boils down to are the two of you, follow your hearts and dont look back. I know I won't.

                    #30 amyrot

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 188 posts

                      Posted 26 October 2009 - 03:30 PM

                      Thanks Jenny- so true.
                      My dad even was trying to talk me out of the at home reception.. He wants me to have it in his yard....that was the original plan, but there are about 100 reasons why we're not doing that..... i had to remind him of it all. I feel like saying- just show up and have fun and be glad you're not paying for a dime of it!!

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