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Should I believe him

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19 replies to this topic

#1 tata2

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    Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:55 AM

    Ok ladies I need to be talked away from the edge. My DH works with and ex girlfriend. Today as I put his lunch into his lunch bag I found an old football ticket stub in his lunch bag. I know this was a game ticket he and she had gone to as she is a fan of the opposing team.
    I asked him why he had it and he said a "friend" at work ask him for it? Seriously "a friend" I told him I knew who and why after all these years would a) she ask for it and B) he still have it to give her
    He blew up saying he was gonna marry me in a month why would I even think something inappropriate might be going on and that she collects old ticket stubs. I cried saying I know women and what they will do to get a man.
    My brother got married several years ago and his exgirlfriend who was already married sent him a letter 2 days before the wedding saying she would leave her husband if there was still a chance for them. Two days before the wedding!!!
    So yes I am paranoid and it seems everything is freaking me out lately. I saw that he became friends on facebook with another ex girlfriend just days ago. What is doing or trying to say to me or am I over reacting.
    He says I am over reacting but am I or am I being very aware??
    Help me ladies as I said we have less than a month and I want to make put this issue to rest or blow it open depending.
    There are so many other things I would like to be doing than acting like an obsessed jealous woman.
    thanks for any words of wisdom you can pass along.

    #2 meldal101010

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    • 444 posts

      Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:01 AM

      Ughh...tough situation! I feel horrible that you are going through this as I know what its like to feel like you do right now. Did he have an explanation as to why he still carried it around? I would def tell him that you have the right to ask these questions without him going on the defense. Is it possible for you to speak with the ex...pretty ackward but maybe thats your best bet. I really don't know what to tell you!

      I hope it all works out for you!! Good Luck!

      #3 *Kerin28*

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      • 202 posts

        Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:08 AM

        Oh No I'm sorry you are going through this.... seriously though, he is marrying you in a month... he is totally right. I have 2 of my ex-bf's on FB and my FI has kids with his ex... its just something that you have to deal with. I talk to my ex every once and a while but just because we can and its funny. I dont want to be with him by any means. We even have met for lunch. Its totally as friends.. this is probably the same with you FI and it is completely possible seeing he works with her... You have to trust your man unless you have real straight forward reasons not to... As ladies, we can make a mountain out of a mole hill for any small thing we find... I say let it be unless you have much stronger evidence...

        #4 islandbride317

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        • 1,866 posts

          Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:19 AM

          Oh, God -- this is awful!!! But please, step away from the edge.....NO MAN is worth that!

          And you have every right to be furious, scared, jealous and wondering "WTF?!?", my dear! I would be livid if I found ANYTHING related to one of John's ex-es anywhere in our apartment, more or less in his lunch bag! I would just remind him of how it would feel if the shoe was on the other foot; how he would feel if you not only worked with one of your ex-flames, but were hanging on to momentos that relationship -- it's not fair for him to expect you to be rational when this situation is clearly inappropriate.

          I AM SO SORRY you are hurting and so close to your wedding, too -- I think it'll work out, but he needs to put YOU first and respect your wishes more than he respects his ex-girlfriend/co-worker!!!

          Oh, and just remember, he asked YOU to marry him, not this broad, so obviously he loves YOU and she never was the one for him!!!

          #5 Married_In_Maui

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            Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:19 AM

            This is a tough one, as I am jealous by nature (this will be the death of me I have decided.) I too recently saw that my hubby was fb friends with his ex & I flipped, naturally thinking the worst. I then reveresed the situation & I guess if I were in the position to catch-up with my ex, I too would do it. I don't know what the answer is to this dilema, but I certainly don't think your FI should be so defensive when you try to discuss it!!! I would also wonder why in the heck he still is holding on to an old ticket stub (it's one thing to catch-up with an ex, it's another to hold on to old memrobila.) And, why the heck is this woman asking for this anyway I would be more worried about her than about him!!!!

            #6 kate.com


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              Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:20 AM

              Well I do think he should be respectful of you- especially with the stress of the wedding, it is common to be more sensitive.

              BUT, you do have to trust him, and accusing him is not going to help...at all. If he works with her, he needs to be friendly with her to keep the peace in the office. As long as he doesn't cross the line, you have to trust that he is keeping it in line. I don't think a ticket stub, that she collects, is out of line. And facebok is harmless unless proven otherwise.

              So just have a talk with him and let him know that your sorry, but you are a little extra sensitive leading up to the wedding. Let him know why. And ask if he could be a little extra sensitive/reassuring during this time. Be sure not to accuse him of anything. Keep focus on how you are feeling. Good luck!

              #7 diamondpooch

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              • 546 posts

                Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:23 AM

                sorry that you are dealing with this right now. First question, why does he still have the stub? Seems weird.
                I'm a firm believer in the idea that women truly wouldn't be jealous and worried if their husbands didn't give them a reason to be. End of story. When I look back on old relationships and think of what was different btw men I was jealous of and men that I wasn't jealous of, the only difference is that the non-jealous relationship had a man in it that NEVER gave me reasons or did anything to lead me to believe I had something to worry about.
                Besides, who collects ticket stubs?!!!!!

                #8 ~Keira~

                • Sr. Member
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                  Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:28 AM

                  I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's even worse that you're feeling this way so close to your wedding.

                  It's really difficult to choose between intuition and trust. You just have to think abou which one you feel is stronger. Do you trust that your FI would never go a stray more then you your gut feeling?

                  I hope everything works out for you in the end. It's too bad that your FI doesn't seem to understand where you're coming from. Perhaps a heart to heart is in order.
                  ~Keira~**formerly KLee147**


                  #9 shellk

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                    Posted 13 October 2009 - 03:43 PM

                    i think because he works with her it makes it easier to be friends?its difficult he is marrying you but like mentioned you should say to him you are entitled to ask without him blowing off.you need to remember you do get married in 30 or so days so you are going to be emotional right now so small things will seem bigger than usual.unless you have a real reason not to believe him then i would forget it.also dont compare him to other people or think about anyone else.

                    #10 SusieQ

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                      Posted 13 October 2009 - 07:19 PM

                      Ok All the Gals here are telling you pretty much the same thing.... from an older bride that has been in a very bad marriage for 15 years, take this as a red flag... Yes he has asked you to marry him and it is just a few days away, however!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is doing something that is making you uncomfortable and """"Totally commited man"""" would be doing whatever he could to make you feel at ease. "I am betting my knickers here you would in a heartbeat!!!!! An old flame contacted you on Facebook and FI said "what the hell why is he doing that"? Again my knickers on the line you'd be deleting the request and going on with life. FIY my ex would scream at me whenever I questioned him about anything... sorry going to a bad place here.... Hun sit him down and say "i don't need this stuff right now so please make it go away, I just want us to be happy and I am this is scaring me!"..... Good Luck and be strong!!!!!! sorry if I am rough on you... hugs!!!!

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