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Unsupportive Mother-In-Law

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19 replies to this topic

#11 abbyroldan@yahoo.com

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    Posted 08 October 2009 - 11:15 AM

    Thanks everyone for your suggestions and supportive words! I've been so upset over this, but feel more certain about our decision to have a destination wedding. I also came to the conclusion that if I did settle for something locally, I am sure I would regret not following through with our Jamaica wedding a few years after our wedding. I think it's so true that we need to put our foot down with my MIL and tell her that we've made our decision! She will continue to try to sway our decision if I give her the room. That was a great point. I'll let my fiance talk to her first! And I think she's reached the end of my road to join in on wedding dress shopping. Lol! Thanks again everyone for your support!
    Ms. Abby

    #12 Lady_Di

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      Posted 08 October 2009 - 11:34 AM


      My FMIL was not supportive at first but now she accepted the idea that we are going to get married in Mexico, regardless.

      #13 JT3

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        Posted 08 October 2009 - 11:47 AM

        WOW... My future in laws werent to fond of the idea either but my fiance dealt with them.... It wasnt hard at all to convince my family... But my fiance did have to struggle a bit... Good Luck with everything

        #14 jajajaja

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          Posted 08 October 2009 - 01:10 PM

          With every situation like this that comes up, I always let my DH deal with his family and I take care of mine. It's hard sometimes talking to your MIL about a touchy situation (especially if you aren't close) and it involves "the couple" then I'd let DH go to bat. He knows his mom best and no matter what is said will love him unconditionally. Can't say the same for a DIL.

          But for your scenario specifically, I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. If your MIL does that again when you are 1-on-1, I would just say "This is what we have planned and we are really excited about it. I'm sorry that it's not up to your standards, but I know ____ (FI's name) is always willing to chat with you about it." I think that should make it pretty clear that you don't really want to go there and if she has issues, take them up with her son.

          Just don't take it personally. Sometimes parents have a hard time shutting off the "control" so it sounds like she is just trying to passive-agressively bully you. Once she sees that you guys aren't willing to budge, hopefully she will be respectful and keep it to herself.
          Happily married since 2008

          #15 kate.com


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            Posted 08 October 2009 - 01:17 PM

            Good advice Rachel!

            I just wanted to say hang in there! And you are doing the right thing by being the bigger person. Remember, your relationship with your FMIL will remain long after your wedding!!!
            So try to let your FI handle it. Be gracious and listen. But don't budge! And this is a safe place to vent... so continue to come here to do so!
            Good luck!

            #16 tata2

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              Posted 13 October 2009 - 01:49 PM

              My future in laws are both deceased so in a way I am abit envious bitchy or not. Though I do feel your pain and am sorry she is such a downer. I have a very close cousin who told me my wedding in Mexico was an inconvenience and it was rude of me to have a wedding in Nov. when "normal" people are working. Guess what.... she has decided not to come, thank goodness.
              Anyway hang in there play cheerful and stupid with her and pretend nothing she says bothers you. Maybe then she will give in and be happy!

              #17 flbluiiis

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                Posted 13 October 2009 - 02:08 PM

                In-laws can be really difficult to handle. If this were my situation I would ask my FI to talk to his mother and explain. - Look either you are supportive or we won't include you in any more of the planning - Then do that, if she is still being a B*tch then cut her outta the loop. However, be prepared for the worst. That is what we did and she still has not decided to be supportive...so...she at this point will be lucky to get an invite to the wedding (not like she can afford to go anyway). Oh and that no invite thing is my FI's idea, not mine... I feel horrible for him to have that bad of a relationship with his mom. I keep hoping she will grow-up and they can talk/have some sort of relationship again.

                #18 jenv

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                  Posted 13 October 2009 - 02:23 PM

                  Originally Posted by abbyroldan@yahoo.com
                  Yesterday I was dress shopping and invited my mom and sister to come along. My fiance only has brothers, so I made the kind gesture and invited his mom, my soon to be mother-in-law, to part take in the mom-daughter wedding dress shopping experience. Let's just call her initial M.

                  So the whole time there and on the way back home M kept questioning our wedding decision. After I told her our reasons, she continually insisted that we have a local wedding, near home. She could not support our idea at all. To make things worse, when we went dress shopping M didn't have very nice things to say, didn't even know how to bit her tongue and persisted on wearing something more traditional at a chuch. I felt like no matter what I said, what points I made...she coudln't understand why my fiance and I had decided to do something so "strange" and so far away.

                  Fortunately, my immediate family has been supportive of our destination wedding idea...they completely understand that it's our special day.

                  Has anyone delt with in-laws this? or anyone close to you? How do you cope?
                  don't worry i'm having the same problem with my mother in law... she wants us to have this big italian wedding closer to home. we have dicided since our families live on two different sides of the country that we would do it in mexico. it also has meaning to us because that is where we met.
                  we've been just sticking to our guns about it.
                  he pretty much told his mom that it's our wedding and were going to do what we want and if she doesn't like it to bad.
                  i think your FI needs to talk to his mom about this since she is more likely to listen to him and he needs to make sure she understands and stop going on about having a local wedding...
                  i know it bothers you but try not to let it cause in the end it is your day not hers.
                  good luck

                  #19 Jennyco116

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                    Posted 13 October 2009 - 03:02 PM

                    Are you sure you don't have my house bugged. This is the exact thing that I am experiencing. It is so frustrating because it then makes my fincee upset that he can't include her because he "doesn't want to hear her mouth". Mind you she is making not one single contribution to this wedding besides her disapproving opinions. The kicker is that we are only going to FLORIDA, Florida people not Spain. Now the latest uproar has been that she wants me to send a boat load of invites to her friends and she is not respecting the fact that we are having an intimate, close friends and family affair. 50 people max. She has over 20 people that she wants to be invited....you gotta laugh.

                    #20 ChelseaRose

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                      Posted 13 October 2009 - 03:10 PM

                      You were definitely doing her a favor by inviting her to come dress shopping, but you definitely don't need to put up with her if she's not being supportive. I agree with the other gals, I would ask your FI to speak with her and let her know this is your decision and she needs to learn to accept it.

                      Sounds like you're already sure about your decision and able to put your foot down!! Good for you!

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